[Raine Seryn]

Ok so, this is more to get it off my chest, because I... just feel like I need to. XD

To the story:
My boyfriend and I live with my parents. Not necessarily because we're losers or anything like that, but because my dad's paychecks are unstable so they could use the help paying the mortgage and bills. We don't mind because they give us plenty of privacy and we live in the basement, but this isn't the point here.
My younger brother (who is now 18) got out of jail after about a year like.. almost a year ago now. He's never really been the most mature, but lately his decisions are really bothering me. Here's why..

-A few years ago he got hit by a mini van while he was crossing the street in front of the high school he was going to. He's been negotiating a settlement that's almost done. Because of this settlement, he refuses to get a job. He claims that it would be pointless since he'll "be getting money and moving out soon". This of course means he's been living here rent-free. He had a job for a few months around the holidays, but he never gave my parents a penny despite us falling behind on the mortgage. :(
-He randomly lets his homeless friends live with us. His friends often get kicked out of their parents houses because they're into drugs ect. My brother takes pity on them.. which is all well and good.. except they also do not pay rent. The kid who is living here now (but insists that he's not despite sleeping, taking showers, and doing laundry here) had a job when he first came here. Do you think he might throw even a little cash towards my parents? Nope. He even had food stamps that he swore up and down he was going to buy food for us. Never saw even a cracker. In fact, my brother's friends eat almost all of the little bit of food we can afford. I have to label things "DO NOT EAT" just to make sure everyone can have something in their tummy. If someone buys a 12 pack of soda.. it's gone in about an hour. It's truly ridiculous.
-He takes advantage of my mom like there's no tomorrow. He knows that my parents relationship is not the best. And he knows if he say, takes my mom's car even though he has no license and she has no idea, that she can't say anything to my dad without her getting yelled at too. So he does these things, cause no one will say anything to my dad, cause it's not fair that my mom get in trouble when she has no idea too. I try to talk to my dad, but he's kind of stubborn so it takes a lot of time to calm him down.
-He does drugs and drinks with a ton of people. He's kinda calmed down on this a bit. But I used to have to sit here.. ALL NIGHT MIND YOU (I'm a night person cause my boyfriend works overnights) while there are like 10 people in my tiny downstairs living room.. all drinking underage and smoking pot. I hate the smell and the noise...


So.. anytime I try to talk rationally to my brother about the things he's doing to hurt this already unstable household he feels the need to guilt-trip me. He'll say things like "I know no one wants me here" and "I'm trying to get out so you'll never have to see me again". Which makes me cry, literally. He knows we all love him, but he's just being so selfish. When I say something about his friends living here for free, he denies that they are, and then says things like "I'm trying to help one of my best friends! What would you do if your friend was homeless?!" and "They're mom and dad aren't always there to make everything better like ours are."

My parents have tried.. repeatedly.. to kick his friends out. But they wait until my parents fall asleep and then sneak back in. And because my parents don't go downstairs ever, they never know. I tell them when I can, but it makes me feel like a tattle-tail.. that and my parents already get barely any sleep, I don't want to wake them up in the middle of the night so they can be upset. >: (

I'm really upset that I have to pay rent, cable/internet, and food.. and my brother and his friends pay nothing. I know if I asked my parents they would say I don't need to pay. But they'd just be being proud.. I know they couldn't make it without our help. I'm ok with paying them, I mean it's fair. And it's a better deal than if I were to go find an apartment. (which would be hell since I have 3 cats).

So.. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything from getting my brother kicked out in hopes he'd grow up (which didn't go well), to talking to everyone like adults... even tried screaming and tears. Nothing gets through to this kid. I'm exhausted because he keeps me awake all day.. I'm without peace because he parties all night. And no one can keep up with him enough to get him to knock it off.. nor can anyone keep up with him enough to make him get a job. (I have no idea when this kid sleeps it's so weird).

Sorry for all the writing. It's just a huge mess. @___@
Advice would be awesome. Or just a "hello I read it" is good to.

--I posted this on a few other sites. No harm in more advice, right? XD--

[littl3chocobo]

well, you can call the poice on him for possesion and causeing a ruckus next time he is having one of those parties it won't help your relationship but it'll get him out of there

[Saiyouri]

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(｡◕‿◕｡) God I'm really sorry to hear that Raine. I don't know what you can do but
call the cops like Little suggested. I know it's bad but that
seems like the only option you really have. You seemed to try
everything else already and all of you are at your wits ends.
I really don't know what to say but I am so sorry you have
to deal with this abuse and I really hope things get better
for you and your parents soon. I also hope your brother
grows up before it's too late.



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[Raine Seryn]

I've thought about calling the cops many many times. But in the end my mom advised me not to, because my brother is underage and drinking and because it's her house she'd get in trouble for it to... He always finds a way to make us not get him punished. =____= Best we can do is try to get him to leave with his friends. @__@

Thanks for the thoughts you guys. <33 They're very much appreciated. :)

[gremlin]

Your brother sounds like a child. It sounds like he is going nowhere with his life and despite you and your parents trying to make him a better person, he refuses and remains the same. I assume that he's stubborn, right? It really pissed me off when I read that he guilt-trips you when you try to talk to him rationally. The next time he tries to guilt-trip you, don't eat his crap. Bring up how much you and your parents have been supporting him despite him taking advantage of all three of you. He's the one in the wrong, not you. You constantly provide him with all that he needs, yet he doesn't give you anything in return. Wait, he does. But something that you don't want. His fucking friends. Who are also taking advantage of you three and probably him as well.

If your brother's friends are continuing to sneak in when they have been kicked out more than once, your parents shouldn't even wait for a second time to come around. They should call the cops when they wake up and find a little stowaway in their home. If they don't want that person there, they can't be there. They own the home, not your brother. He has no say in who may come in to their home and who may not.

I really suggest that your parents change the locks. If you want to take away a few things from your brother. He will probably whine, but stand your ground. Don't tell him that you're going to change the locks. Buy them, then when he goes out, do it. Do not give him a new key, give him a curfew and demand that he gets a job to help support the family. If he complains that you're being unfair, tell him that if he doesn't like it then he can find someone else to live. You should probably also tell him about how unfair he has been to you three. You should also make it clear that none of his friends may stay at your home unless they plan to help, too. He's eighteen and is an adult, you can kick him out if needed. This could give him a major reality check and he may come to his senses. If not, then that isn't a big problem. He can live somewhere else.

[gremlin]

Originally Posted by Raine Seryn

I've thought about calling the cops many many times. But in the end my mom advised me not to, because my brother is underage and drinking and because it's her house she'd get in trouble for it to... He always finds a way to make us not get him punished. =____= Best we can do is try to get him to leave with his friends. @__@

Thanks for the thoughts you guys. <33 They're very much appreciated. :)

If your mother does not want him and his friends drinking because they are underage or smoking pot in her home because it is illegal, she can call the cops. She will not get in trouble if she does not want it to happen in her home. She's a victim. I mean, if a neighbour called and reported it, imagine how much worse it would be? If your mother called, they would take that as a sign that she doesn't want that happening in her own home. Anyone could see that.

[Cheesecake]

I agree with Neirra. She won't get in trouble. Maybe some jail time will make the insolent fool grow up some. I'd also get one of those things that keeps people from your home. I don't what it is. >w<. I forgot the name of it.

[gremlin]

Originally Posted by Cheesecake

I agree with Neirra. She won't get in trouble. Maybe some jail time will make the insolent fool grow up some. I'd also get one of those things that keeps people from your home. I don't what it is. >w<. I forgot the name of it.

Restraining order?
A permanent one would do her family good.

[Cheesecake]

Yes, a permanent for the boys...

[gremlin]

Maybe she could get one that says that he isn't allowed on the property and anyone associated with him is also not allowed. Specifically his friends.

[Cheesecake]

Agreed. That would give him something to really think about. I don't think that the excuse they are homeless would apply here. If Raine had a friend living with them, I do believe that should have sense enough NOT to keep that person here since they are causing some damage.

[Fey]

Okay, late to the conversation, but I"ll put in my two cents.

Talk to your mother and father together. Inform them that as of right now you're as much responsible for the house as they are, and that you get a say in whom lives there. Your brother is NOT contributing positively and you want him out. Will it SUCK to have to be that person? Yes.

Get your parents to understand that this is for his good, because it is. Kicking him out will show him that bad decisions have consequences. If he persists in sticking around call the cops for trespassing. As his name is not on the mortgage, and at 18 he's a legal adult, he is in fact trespassing if that is how the home owners feel(you and your parents). If, when the cops get there, they discover him in possession of illegal substances you will not be held accountable, nor will your parents.

Do the same if his friends show up, even if your parents don't agree to get him out. His friends have no legal right to be in your house, even if your brother lives there. Use the non-emergency number and call the cops. Tell them that you have a person on premises that has been asked to leave and refuses. The cops will show up and get them out.

Sometimes it sucks to be the voice of what's right, but someone has too.

[Raine Seryn]

Thanks everyone. ;w; I really appreciate all the advice.

I'm going to talk to my parents a bit more (when I can, I hardly see them) and give this things another chance to end peacefully. My brother's making a bit of progress.. as in he's not had a party in a little bit. (should have mentioned that, but I was kinda angry ^^; )...

Anyways. Hopefully no cops will need to be called. I really hate having to resort to that. Wish me luck everyone, and thanks so much again. <3

[MuseSick]

It'd never hurt to force your brother into growing up..

I remember my Mum telling me, that when she was young she'd bullied a girl to the point where she had bruises on her arms. The girl never told her parents and her parents thought nothing of it.
My grandfather, my Mum's own DAD turned around and said it wasn't right, he took her down to the police and she was put on house arrest.

As awful as it seems, because it can screw a lot of things up, I grab his stash of pot, or whatever and give him away to the cops or something. Because if he goes to jail, he'll see things he never wish he had.

If you can't change him yourself, make him want to change himself.
It sounds awful, but turn around and guilt trip him, use the same lines he uses. Tell him little things that'll make his insides twist.
It sounds like an awful thing to do, but if you make him feel like you know everyone else in the house feels. Over time, things will change.

I hope things get better, I hope your brother grows up, because you don't deserve it. Not even because of the lack of equality, but because it's not right, first of all for him to be doing drugs and contaminating everyone in the blood house, it's not fair for him to deprive you of your sleep and take all of your food. Tell him he needs to pitch in or get the hell out. Change the locks, change the garage code. If you end up kicking him out again. But I think the worst of all things, is if no one but you say's anything- he's never going to take it seriously.

It's like me and my sister, I'm much smarter than she is, but she takes the fact that I'm her sister, and makes it so because I'm her sister, and ONLY her sister she doesn't have to listen.

Your brother needs a nice kick in the ass.
-hugs-

[Raine Seryn]

Yeah.. he's already been to jail. >_> It worked for like the first month he got back.. but then he slipped into old habits. =__=

I could try guilt tripping him.. but he's a smooth talker, so he'll act like he cares when I know he really doesn't. I've lived with him long enough to know when he's being sincere. @__@

One more thing that irks me a lot with him, is that when I tell him to get a job he tells me "only after you get one". Because I stay at home and do all the cooking/cleaning/laundry/shopping and my boyfriend goes to work and pays my parents. We (my parents and my boyfriend and I) all agree that it's ok for it to be like that because I do all the housework and my boyfriend is perfectly ok with me not working. (in fact he prefers it).. but to my brother that means I'm contributing no more than he is. =__=

anyways.. I'm ranting now. XD He's being nice tonight.. no friends, no drugs, no noise. I wonder if my talks have been helping or something? *here's hoping*

[Quiet Man Cometh]

You could always tell him that you have a job (ie, the house work) and that he can pick between what you do around the house and a job outside. ;)

Having the parents outline to him what it is you do around the house, and what you get in return, so that it feels more like you have a "job" already could help. Getting your boyfriend in on it too might also be a benefit. How does your brother feel about talking to him versus yourself? It might be easier for him to talk to another guy, as well as someone who isn't directly related, that he didn't grow up with for instance. Just a possibility.