[Merskelly Metalien]

;u; Ahhh, last year I tried to make it a goal to be nicer to myself in 2019, and well, I'm not meaner, but I'm also not nicer to myself. <x}

<:/ Gonna try to work on changing that, by not focusing on it too much, and getting back to reaching out to my friends, working on a better routine for health, and figure out how to mentally heal properly instead of trying to constantly numb myself. <:} Also writing. I will work on that too.

[littl3chocobo]

well i hope you find luck in that. i've managed to find peace with myself(most of the time) by treating myself like i would another member of my(chosen) family. i don't blame things on myself i could not predict or affect, i do not beat myself up for accidentally falling prey to the human condition and i keep my perspective when i do something boneheaded or wrong. it's not ideal 100% of the time but it helps a lot and i think you could try it too if you wanted

[Merskelly Metalien]

I struggle with self-confidence and esteem mostly I think, :/ but self-care too. And beating myself up. I'm pretty damn good at ripping myself apart before anyone else has the chance to. But since I don't see the sun often, and I don't like socializing, <x} and compliments are not given often in this household, I have to try to compliment myself more.

2019
Me: X} Haha, wow! Lookit this flippin' disaster in the mirror.

2020
Me: You look like a mess, but you still lookin' cute. Not even face-melting acid could change that. <;'}

[Kory]

That's totally a step in the right direction, Merskelly :)

Sometimes just positive self-talk can be helpful as is!
And every habit has to start somewhere. Even if it's small. uwu

AND. I will always be happy to give you compliments on the days you don't give any to yourself :)

[littl3chocobo]

i offer the same to ava

[Merskelly Metalien]

<x} Of course my silly ass just turns right around and pokes jokes at my depressive mood in the hopes that I won't bum anyone out. ;U;

"What's wrong with you?"
:] I can't determine flirts from compliments.
I swear I try to breathe correctly but my anxiety freezes my lungs up.
I think being assertive is the same as holding someone hostage.
I can't see the good in my abilities, and don't seem to gain confidence back.
I constantly compare myself to others and put myself down in accordance with the hierarchy of skills and personality.
I think I'm the biggest idiot with an IQ of 146.
I get nervous around anyone older than me.
And I hide my depression and discomfort with silence, nods of assurance and a smile of pain.
;U; *inhale* ...aaahhhhh social interaction makes me wanna screeeeeaaammm..but I can't so I'll just scream internally. ^~^;

[Kory]

I miss you, Merskelly!

I feel you on that, though!
I also tend to hide my "issues". :(
If you ever, ever want to vent or talk or just have someone to sit with you, I'm always available, okay? <3

[Merskelly Metalien]

;_; I'm sorry.
Thank u tho. <3
How long have I been away??; <x'{ I feel like it's been a month! I haven't been on for a while because I've been so busy with starting schoolwork, and stressing over anything and everything, it's left me so drained. /xnx\;

I always appear to look relaxed and chill, so my family and others assume I don't stress about anything, when actually I have so much stress it has started affecting me physically. <x'}
When I'm quiet and stationary and look like I'm not busy, it's actually me pushing through tiredness or attempting to decrease my stress in some way.
Started seeing my therapist again though, and have an appointment with him tomorrow afternoon. <:] Hoping to get a lot of things off my chest next session. Haven't been feeling too well consistently as of late. <:/

[Stabbsworth]

working on a huge lineless artwork of a friend's character.

haven't done any lineless work for some time aside from drawing wilson / cival a few days ago, looking to start that sort of thing up again.

[Merskelly Metalien]

eUe is it for meeeee???
*its not for me*

[Stabbsworth]

unfortunately not. i still haven't gotten that file for your commission to you.

[Merskelly Metalien]

Aww shoots. :/ *snaps* well...when ya can. ^-^

[Kory]

Oooooo, Merskelly!
Your avi is looking spiffy!

[Merskelly Metalien]

Why thank you! ^-^ *waves to Ava*

[Kory]

That little bunny she's holding looks a lot like my plush bunny!

I don't think I have any pictures of my plush bunny,
But I'll try to take some today to share!!

<3

[Merskelly Metalien]

:] I used to have a stuffed bunny that was an easter gift. :/ It wasn't white tho. It was pastel tye dye with a yellow ribbon.

Edit: Ack! Changed my avi tho. <x} oop.