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Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
Default   #34401  
Shouldn't the next part really just be, "...and so the story begins" or something and lead into the rp?
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 01:58 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34402   Reyoki Reyoki is offline
Best thing since cheese-in-a-can!
I guess, but I have to make it more poetic than that. XD Maybe something like...

Thus beings our story of the Chaos Knights.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


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Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:00 AM Reply With Quote  
Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
Default   #34403  
Hmmm I like it, the wording is a little awkward though, at least when I read it. Spoken it sounds okay
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:02 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34404   Reyoki Reyoki is offline
Best thing since cheese-in-a-can!
It's probably because I used proper grammar and everything. It really bothers me when poetic stuff doesn't use proper grammar.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:05 AM Reply With Quote  
Poggio Poggio is offline
Bald and loving it!
Default   #34405  
I like it and give you the thumbs up of love and approval.
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:06 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34406   Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
It wasn't the grammar, cause it is technically correct, it was the use of our I think. But I dun know who is actually telling the into, so I dun know if it is supposed to be from a knights pov
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:09 AM Reply With Quote  
Reyoki Reyoki is offline
Best thing since cheese-in-a-can!
Default   #34407  
I dunno. It just seemed like how it should be done to me, like how some people begin reading like, "Our story begins in a far off land many, many years ago" and all that jazz.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:11 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34408   Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
Well I honestly didn't read the first part, I think I missed it somewhere. So if it starts out in a knights pov, then it's okie dokie, if not then I think it should be "the story," but that's just a personal preference.
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:14 AM Reply With Quote  
Reyoki Reyoki is offline
Best thing since cheese-in-a-can!
Default   #34409  
The POV is kind of ambiguous, I think. It could by from a Knight's POV, but then again it could be from someone else's POV just as easily.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:16 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34410   Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
Well the ambiguity ends once "our" is used XD, but if that's what you were going for *thumbs up*
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:17 AM Reply With Quote  
Poggio Poggio is offline
Bald and loving it!
Default   #34411  
XD it can be from squiggles pov the official bard rubber duck of the knights.
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:18 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34412   Reyoki Reyoki is offline
Best thing since cheese-in-a-can!
I changed it so that it's ambiguous the whole way through. I like the flow better.

XD Dear sweet Anka, he's going to love that title.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:18 AM Reply With Quote  
Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
Default   #34413  
There's a rubber duck?
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:22 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34414   Reyoki Reyoki is offline
Best thing since cheese-in-a-can!
Yup, he's Kami's mortal enemy. I think he's in the bath right now. You wanna meet him?


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:23 AM Reply With Quote  
Mirror Gardens Mirror Gardens is offline
*twitch*
Default   #34415  
I think I do...Do I?
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:24 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34416   dragoness129 dragoness129 is offline
Level 100


Hmm, I need to chat more again.
Old Posted 07-30-2011, 02:25 AM Reply With Quote  
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