[Desmond]

Hey all!

I need a little help on a slightly sensitive topic.

Over the past year me ad my best friend have just been drifting, nothing that hasn't happened before and that's the nature of our relationship. Happens when you've been friends for 10 years.

The trouble really starts back in October. I came out to my Parents as being Queer and Transgedner at the same time...Things did not go smoothly. I looked to my best friend for a shoulder to lean on and found nothing, instead she was chasing after a girl that had already broken her heart and was trying to make sure she was okay over something. From here I just have been feeling...more tension.

Over break she helped me clean my room and tossed out cards that my partner had given me. Granted we weren't together, but, it still struck a nerve of just how casually she tossed years of memories out. Now looking back I should have stopped her.

And now she's in a brand new relationship with the best girl she has ever dated, who I love to death. But she's dropped me basically and has been hanging out with a certain few people.

Her girlfriend and I share the same birthday and they had a get together the day before. They were going to call me when they left the restaurant to say that they were heading back to their apartment so I could come up and hang out with people. I never got a call. I sat here all night waiting for a call. Honestly, I wasn't going to go up because I didn't feel like wasting the gas. But it would have been nice for them to call me like they said that they would.

However, the last straw is about my current partner (some of you know who this is XDD.) She has not taken the news very well. When she found out that we were talking again she took my hat/sunglasses off my head and threw them on the ground while kicking me in the shins. She reacted even worse when she found out that we thinking of getting back together. My water bottle and cell phone ended up being thrown across the room. She is so against me being with this person that she doesn't even see how happy I am. I haven't been this happy in years and she's ignoring it.

So, what should I do? I want to tell her how I'm feeling but I don't know if that's such a good idea. Thoughts my fellow Trisphee users??

[Night Fury]

sounds, complicated and if your with someone right now, and are thinking about getting with someone else wouldn't that hurt the person your with, which is reason for them being upset


-am I reading that correct-

[Desmond]

I wasn't with anyone at the time. I was talking to my ex about getting back together with them because we both still had really strong feeling towards each other even after not talking for 7 months. Sorry sometimes I don't explain things well. ^^;;

[Serra Britt]

It's a tough thing. Being transgender is hard and it terribly sucks that this longtime friend can't see that you're still YOU no matter what gender you are. And of course she seems to have no respect for your feelings for your partner which is something that friends need to have or they can't remain your friend. I'd hate to lose a longtime best friend but if someone I knew for a while came between me and by beloved I already know I would not be able to stay civil to them.

It sounds like you have already been drifting apart so perhaps some time apart is for the best. Maybe it will help you both feel better about being friends or perhaps you will find that being apart is best and stop being friends.

I hope things go well for you Desmond, I really do.

[Desmond]

It's not that she has a problem with my being Trans at all. It's been a wonderful transition with her around. However, she wasn't really around for when I came out to my parents. She just wasn't there when I needed her the most....

Sadly, I think we're gonna drift apart no matter I do. I'm not going to cut off contact completely, but, I think it might be wise to just let things run its course...

[Serra Britt]

When I was in college, I met two people (who later married each other) that I adored quite a lot and was really good friends with them. We spent a lot of time together and had a lot in common. Even after graduating college we kept in touch until... I told them I was trans. And it's not like they hated it, they both actually said that it made a lot of sense. But we just drifted apart, they are never on instant messenger services and they rarely respond to my e-mails. It makes me sad, but I can't change what they do. I will always leave it open and welcome them back as friends if they ever get in touch with me again.

Maybe that's what you can do with this friend Desmond. No matter how it turns out I hope you are not hurt by the outcome :3

[Desmond]

I think that's what is gonna happen. We saw each other this weekend and today, but, its not the same. I don't feel that connection we had before. Don't get me wrong, I love our friends but I miss when we would just hang out. The two of us...

It's not that I'm short on friends, I have some wonderful friends that I love dearly. We've helped each other through some really hard times in the past year and half. I'm closer to these friends currently then I am to my "best friend."

So maybe it is time for us to slowly drift apart and be casual close friends that what we were before.

[CupcakeDolly]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like she's really been there for you. Her behavior isn't even on par with what a good friend should be - an acquaintance, maybe, but not friend who truly cares for you. Not to mention that ten years is a long time, and you guys probably changed a lot during that time. I would suggest letting things go as they are, and if you really feel that she needs to know what you're thinking then let her know. She doesn't sound like the kind of person who would hear you out, but some things need to be said regardless. Other than that, there's not much you can do except keep on going in life.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

I'm not totally sure who has been doing what here. Was if your friend that was angry about you seeing your ex?

What strikes me is that the way your friend acted sounds fairly routine in some ways. Tossing out old items and photos of exes is is generally standard procedure after a break-up, at least in impression if not in practice. Your friend may have been thinking that she was helping by helping you get over your ex faster by having no reminders around. Have you talked to her about what she thought of your relationship? Maybe she thought it was a bad one, and that may be why she was so angry about you two getting back together. She may just be being overly opinionated about it. She could think she's acting in your best interests with what she's going. It may not seem like it but people reason in different ways.

It does sound like you two either need to sit down or maybe agree to disagree about some things, even if it means you aren't as close friends as you once were. I have friends that I've had for years and we obviously aren't as close as we used to be anymore. Our interested have changed since we were kids and we've gone in different directions. We still talk with each other but the vibes are not the same. I get a little whistfull about not being as close to them as I was, and that we don't have the friendship that we once did, but in a way that's to be expected and I'm happy that we still keep in touch.