[gremlin]

My best friend's band is playing tonight for the first time in a year. It's going to be at the usual location and she's even playing with another friend's band! It's going to be an amazing show and I'm super excited.

But... Two of my three shitty exes may be attending. One I was with for almost six years, he was manipulative, emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive and an all around shit bag. I haven't seen or spoken to him in over two years. The other tried to coerce me during the relationship into doing all sorts of things, cheated on me the entire time and then after I broke up with him he would approach me if he saw me in public. It was really uncomfortable.

The friend I messaged to check the invitation list said that he could speak to the person hosting the event about what could be done is either of them decide to bother me. I'm so thankful but I'm also feeling a little guilty. I want to know that I'm safe and secure but at the same time I really don't want to seem like I'm making this event all about me. I know I'm not but ugh... also I'm scared of people not taking my concerns seriously.

Everything will probably be ok. I'm just super concerned that the third ex may not be listed but may show up, as he knows that I attend all of my friend's events. He harassed me on and off for nearly two years before being forced to either quit or be fired from our mutual job.

The only reason why I'm worried that he will show up is because even after quitting he would show up to "visit" or "buy a few things" when the potential intention may have just been to continue harassing me. He lives right by an assortment of stores and making the longer trip to my store doesn't make sense.

He's used intimidation tactics before. Cornering me at a party, cornering me at work, lingering around me at work when he has things to do on the other side of the store or even outside. He always harassed me where there were no witnesses, so whenever I was alone or in the backroom where there is no camera. Always tried to flip things so he was the victim and I was being unreasonable. I tried to be his friend twice before telling him one, final time to stop speaking to me unless it was related to work. I had accepted that we worked together and our shifts would overlap so that honestly wasn't a problem. But he just kept being a problem. Ugh...

Anyways whatever. I'm just stressing and writing this is kinda helping me calm down. I guess I just need support and reassurance that everything will be ok. >>

I'm waiting to hear back from my friend about what can be done if any of them shows up and decides to bother me.

[Serra Britt]

It can be scary to see people whom have had a negative impact on your life. I surely hope at the very least, there are some guidelines in place if something happens, surely there must be some kind of basic plan even if nothing needs to be specifically set up for your situation.

Glad that venting it out helped calm you down. And I hope that nothing will come of this and they will both just leave you alone. Still better to be prepared though so I'm glad you are doing that.

[Kaderin Triste]

First off, you should NEVER feel guilty about doing things (like having your friend find out what can be done) that help you feel secure and safe in an environment that has the potential to be uncomfortable at the least.

I would assume, depending on the location and size of the concert that there probably will be security people, or something of that nature, that can help with any issues with the ex's if they try anything.

Hope everything works out and you have a good time!

[Potironette]

I don't see it as making it about you at all! After all, everyone wants you to have a good time too. Plus it sounds like your friend knows how awful your exes are.
Hope you'll have fun at the event!

[gremlin]

Yeah, I know... It isn't my problem that they can't respect my boundaries, wants and needs. Heck, they don't even have to respect any of that or understand it. Even though I've made myself very clear with all of them. They just need to comply. You think telling someone to leave you alone wouldn't be this hard.

The guy who harassed me for nearly two years doesn't harass me anymore only because he no longer works with me. I stopped hanging out with people who continued to include him in everything, despite knowing all the details and that he was a real threat to me. He grabbed me, shoved me and intimidated me at a bar in front of all of my friends and strangers during a show once. Another time he elbowed me in my ribs as I passed him at a mutual friends party. At the same party he cornered me outside on the porch, blocked the door in and forced me into a convo. I had to text a friend to come out, he immediately went in once we weren't alone anymore. My friend hosting the party didn't ask him to leave and continues to spend time with him. Same guy would also causally bring up my ex, my abuser, talking about funny happenings, etc as if I wanted to actually hear about him. >>

It's really discouraging but I've gotten closer to being over it. It just really feels awful when you lose friends to stuff like this.. especially when being "neutral" isn't an appropriate thing given the circumstances. At some point you have to realize that the safety, security and comfort of people is more important than "not picking sides".

Sorry, I'm super stressed guys and venting haha.

[Potironette]

Venting is good so long as it helps you.
I agree that neutral loses its value when it comes to things like this.

[gremlin]

Yeah... ^^
Thanks for listening.

I'm still waiting for a response from my friend about what can be potentially done if something goes wrong. I also told my friends playing tonight that they may be present, they said they'll be around and to not be worried. My boyfriend is coming too, he finished his schoolwork early and can make it. I'm feeling a bit better about it.