[Lucid:]

Meh, it's cool. I'm better off this way. :) Thanks, though. **hug**

[Illusion]

Originally Posted by Lucid:

Nah, it's not. We're getting divorced. :P

Speaking of that, thanks Illu for making that Lucid mule and saving my name for me. :P I'll have to go swap my name back. If I even remember how.

Your welcome?

.... Divorced? Too soon.

It seems like a lot of my friends have been rushing into marriages and divorcing lately. I swear you guys scare me to ever wanting to get into a relationship into someone or marrying them. Sometimes I fear some people just want weddings and not an actual marriage... D:

[Lucid:]

Heh. It really depends on how seriously you take getting married. When we were going to marriage counseling, he mentioned that nobody ever told him that marriage would be hard. I mean, seriously? I thought that it was kkindof a given that you have to make sacrifices and compromises in a marriage. So yeah, you're right. A lot of people get married without wanting/realizing the commitment it requires.

The unfortunate thing is that most of the issues we had in our marriage were things that we probably wouldn't have been able to discover just by dating for longer. When I think back to the time when we were dating, it feels like he was a completely opposite person than the one he is now. I don't know if there's anything I could have done better, but it was a pretty unhappy marriage for the majority of the 3 years.

Ugh, I don't mean to vent about it or anything. Just mean to say that yeah, sometimes people get married when they shouldn't, but if you take it seriously, marriage is nothing to be scared of. Plenty of marriages are really awesome.

[Illusion]

Originally Posted by Lucid:

Heh. It really depends on how seriously you take getting married. When we were going to marriage counseling, he mentioned that nobody ever told him that marriage would be hard. I mean, seriously? I thought that it was kkindof a given that you have to make sacrifices and compromises in a marriage. So yeah, you're right. A lot of people get married without wanting/realizing the commitment it requires.

The unfortunate thing is that most of the issues we had in our marriage were things that we probably wouldn't have been able to discover just by dating for longer. When I think back to the time when we were dating, it feels like he was a completely opposite person than the one he is now. I don't know if there's anything I could have done better, but it was a pretty unhappy marriage for the majority of the 3 years.

Ugh, I don't mean to vent about it or anything. Just mean to say that yeah, sometimes people get married when they shouldn't, but if you take it seriously, marriage is nothing to be scared of. Plenty of marriages are really awesome.

I've just seen some pretty crappy things throughout my life with, so seeing short marriages just scare me away from even wanting to attempt dating. I'm asexual so I personally never "felt" like something was there like most people. I've had MANY offers before and confesses from both genders, I have to tell gay guys "Oh thank you! I'm not gay, but hey if you find me attractive that means females must feel the same way too!" Or tell girls "Oh. I'm not sure how to respond, I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment, but thank you for expressing how you feel." And then there's those people that constantly give hints and they think I'm just oblivious to them all when I'm purposely ignoring them. :/ I just don't feel like I can trust anyone to spend my life with, and I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone. When I am interested in someone it's more me asking myself would they be a good wife, could I live with her? What would I have to give up? I don't care about sex, does she?

I dunno, I'm weird and I feel like I require a resume as to why someone should date me, and then have a interview process discussing these things. lol

[Lucid:]

I totally feel your pain. I still don't quite know if I'm ace, or if he just didn't ever learn how to do it right after 3 years. Either I'm never going to care about sex, or since I never had a good experience I don't really have a desire for it. One of the reasons for the divorce, and one of the reasons I don't know if I would remarry. I totally would need a dating resume too, haha.

My marriage counselor taught me that there are a few ways to connect to a partner. The most common are physical connection and emotional connection. There is also spiritual connection (sharing beliefs), connecting through common interests/spending time with one another, and I think there was one other that he told me about that I forgot. (haha I suck.) As long as both people can both give and receive through one of those ways, the relationship should have a solid foundation. My problem was that I had no desire for a physical connection, he had no desire for an emotional connection, I'm religious and he had recently decided to stop going to church, and the only common interest we really had was video games. The relationship was shallow at best, and manipulative to try and get the other person to meet our own needs at worst.

There ARE definitely women out there who don't care about sex. You're lucky in that it's more common to find in women. And, I think you're thinking about a lot of the important things, which is good. The advice always goes "marry your best friend," right? :) That's the way I look at it, with the added qualification that they have to be a good cuddler.

[Espy]

Or there's the possibility of forgetting about getting married and just living together because neither of you give a damn about sex, actual "romantic" relationships, and getting married :P

[Illusion]

Originally Posted by Lucid:

I totally feel your pain. I still don't quite know if I'm ace, or if he just didn't ever learn how to do it right after 3 years. Either I'm never going to care about sex, or since I never had a good experience I don't really have a desire for it. One of the reasons for the divorce, and one of the reasons I don't know if I would remarry. I totally would need a dating resume too, haha.

My marriage counselor taught me that there are a few ways to connect to a partner. The most common are physical connection and emotional connection. There is also spiritual connection (sharing beliefs), connecting through common interests/spending time with one another, and I think there was one other that he told me about that I forgot. (haha I suck.) As long as both people can both give and receive through one of those ways, the relationship should have a solid foundation. My problem was that I had no desire for a physical connection, he had no desire for an emotional connection, I'm religious and he had recently decided to stop going to church, and the only common interest we really had was video games. The relationship was shallow at best, and manipulative to try and get the other person to meet our own needs at worst.

There ARE definitely women out there who don't care about sex. You're lucky in that it's more common to find in women. And, I think you're thinking about a lot of the important things, which is good. The advice always goes "marry your best friend," right? :) That's the way I look at it, with the added qualification that they have to be a good cuddler.

Best... Friiiiiiieeen... Freeen... Fren? Frid? Friend? Best Fry-add?

I don't know who my best friends are anymore half the time. I know who my friends are at least lol. I just say everyone is my best friend because it makes things easier for everyone else, and picking someone to be your best is like playing favorites and I've had kids fight with me in the past that I stole their best friend or I called someone my best friend when another kid called him his or her best friend. I'm here like "Can we all be friends." And always get replied with some sort of remark meaning "No."

._.

I like cuddling, I just don't want someone to feel sexual when I'm cuddling, which happens a lot. I just want a cuddle buddy because its comforting and everyone else is trying to get something else out of it.

[Espy]

Speaking of cuddling...I jump from "don't you dare fucking touch me" to "stop moving I need to use you as a pillow" and there's very little, if any at all, in between.

[Illusion]

Originally Posted by Espy

Speaking of cuddling...I jump from "don't you dare fucking touch me" to "stop moving I need to use you as a pillow" and there's very little, if any at all, in between.

*Filing a restraining order on Espy*

Got it. You are one of THOSE kinds of people.

[Lucid:]

Espy is scary. Like a soft blankie with a secret knife hidden in it. o.o

I know right, why do people have to think cuddling has to go further? D: It's just nice to have someone there.

I don't think a best friend is someone you necessarily choose, I think it's a person who you make a deep connection with. You care about them and love them no matter what, and they feel the same about you. You can do anything togetheror talk about anything without shame, and trust them totally. And, of course it's totally possible to have more than one "best" friend. They're just better than the average friend, whether you have one of them, or five, or whatever. Or, on the other hand, just because you have friends doesn't mean one of them is "best." It's totally possible to have a bunch of really shallow-relationship'd friends. :P
That's just my interpretation, anyway. I value emotional connection super highly so that's the lens I look at everything through.

[Demonskid]

Originally Posted by Espy

Speaking of cuddling...I jump from "don't you dare fucking touch me" to "stop moving I need to use you as a pillow" and there's very little, if any at all, in between.

I know how that is. I use to think I'd be a cuddler but apparently I'm not. there'd be times I'd use my ex as a pillow when watching something and then the rest of the time its like "whats your problem, i said no don't touch me, i don't wanna cuddle D:<" and then curl up into a comfy ball at the other end of the couch and watch the movie hugging my pikachu pillow

Apparently I don't care much for sex either.. then again my ex was terrible at it so it just might be i didn't like my first time.. >.>, and when I say terrible i mean he couldn't find where to put it until the light was turned on..

I've found I actually prefer being by myself than being in a relationship. people keep telling me 'it just takes time to find the right guy' and i'm here thinking 'i don't want anyone in the first place guy or girl shut up 3:<'

My older sister divorced her first husband because he refused to have sex at all, she got a free divorce due to the fact he didn't consummate the marriage. And my childhood friend, when the doctor told her she was having kids too close together and that the next one would kill her if she didn't stop, her husband starting beating her so now he's in jail and she's filing for divorce.

=o=,

[Coda]

Originally Posted by Espy

Speaking of cuddling...I jump from "don't you dare fucking touch me" to "stop moving I need to use you as a pillow" and there's very little, if any at all, in between.

Not particularly unusual. Once the surge from the anger wears off, you get both physically and emotionally fatigued, and comfort is important.

[Taiki]

Better get your Aquamarine Anka Egg's while you can! :U

[Lawtan]

What is this thing you call a friend? Is it shiny?

[Lucid:]

Yes, friends are super shiny. Gotta collect 'em all! *[]*

[Demonskid]

dk thinks friends are tasty! -noms on lucid-