[ml1201]

*hugs Ginger*
If it makes you feel any better I don't have a Halloween costume, actually haven't for years because I couldn't afford to get/make one. ^^;

[Tam I am]

I made up a creepy kinda campfire story.

There was this guy once, just exploring the edges of the galaxy in his little ship. And he came to this out of the way planet, and one continent was dotted with little farming communities of humans. In round houses and barns, everything all cheery and efficient.

So he lands and goes to visit with this guy that he can see working on a fence, and the guy starts warning him about the zombies that come out at night and try to lure humans out of their homes so they can infect them. And the visitor doesn't believe it, but he's curious about these things that sound like crying babies and all kinds of things you'd wanna help, so he agrees to stay for the night. Well before dark the animals are all herded inside, and the barn sealed with shutters. Then the farmer herds him into the house, which is also sealed with shutters. The farmer's family gives him a delicious supper, and explain that he'd better eat fast, because the lights will go out just before it gets dark. No artificial light is allowed inside after dark, because it lets the zombies in. He's sceptical, but he goes with it. And sure enough, as soon as it's dark, and just before the farmer herds his family and visitor to the fortified room in the middle of the round house, he can hear sounds of horrifying distress coming from outside. Including the crying of a baby and a woman screaming for help and saying that her car broke down. The farmer's family is uneasy, but stoic toward the sounds, and close them out with the shutting of the door of the inner room, and everyone sleeps fairly quietly that night. The next morning, the man offers to take the farmer and his family to the nearest space station, where they can ask for help for their people. He knows that the farmer, the farmer's wife, and the farmer's twelve year old twin daughters will fit on his ship, especially since they're used to tight quarters. The farmer accepts gratefully, and he and his family board the ship and leave the planet with the man. The man decides to go to bed early, since he'd had a lot of bad dreams the night before. So he goes to his cabin and shuts the door, then goes to sleep.

He's awakened several hours later by the crying of a baby outside his cabin door.

Originally Posted by ml1201

@Tam
A pet? What does it look like?

It wasn't the looks I was laughing at. It was the name they gave it.

[ml1201]

Ah, okay. XD What did they name the pet? :o

[Tam I am]

This is him and his name.

Steve

[ml1201]

They named a phoenix Steve? XD No wonder you thought it was funny. XD I would have named him Nova. :3

[Lawtan]

I like the story, Tam :D

[Tam I am]

Originally Posted by Lawtan

I like the story, Tam :D

Thanks!

Why?

[Lawtan]

Well, for one, it mixes Sci-fi with the sort of 50's horror. For another, it has an interesting twist on the nombies (Meant to type zombies, but mistyping left this funny variation - NOMBIES! Nom nom nom). Finally, you leave on a semi-cliffhanger, which often good horror does to various degrees (and bad horror tries to do and fails).

Some "show, not tell" would help, as would splitting up the paragraph to make it more readable (one may help the other). In other words, describe the despair felt at the cries of babes and women shrieking out in terror over the frozen earth shadowed by near-endless nights, until they died away in the morn. Build up the paranoia felt by the farming family, by spoken words.

[daikokunyo]

Lawtan!! *runs at you with outspread arms* I'm the most ravenous bookworm right now! I need some good crisp paper seasoned with lovely writing and thought your library would be just the place to find some!
*grabs Tam's story, stuffs whole into mouth* Mmm... Tam that was so CUTE! <3

[Lawtan]

*Bows* I bid you to enjoy my collection of public domain books to your heart's content.

*Is glomphed* You are most welcome

(Forgive me, but I have been writing, drawing, and listening to old Horror flicks where everyone talks like Vincent Price, Dracula, or screams xD)

*Flails* I am drawing the characters for my stories! Yes! Also, would it be bad taste to make a man with a deformed head, and wielding a whip made from a spinal chord...a medieval mechanic, horsemen, and a musician?

[Tam I am]

Lawtan, errr, could you show me what you mean?

Originally Posted by Dandelioness

*grabs Tam's story, stuffs whole into mouth* Mmm... Tam that was so CUTE! <3

LMBO! Thanks!

[Den]

I'm working on the first page of my comic... and listening to music on Spotify.

[Lawtan]

Umm, well;

So he lands and goes to visit with this guy that he can see working on a fence, and the guy starts warning him about the zombies that come out at night and try to lure humans out of their homes so they can infect them. And the visitor doesn't believe it, but he's curious about these things that sound like crying babies and all kinds of things you'd wanna help, so he agrees to stay for the night.

As I walked along the graveled path under the dome, I spotted a gruff fellow utilizing his arm-hammer to repair a broken fence. At last! Here was one whose grin did not cause my stomach to churn. Eager to meet with the rather normal fellow, I hailed to him. "Good sir," I called out, "What may I ask is your name? I am _______ from the outer planets and would appreciate the direction of one of clear mind. I dare say that the rest of the town is-"

"-Leave here. If you know what's best for you. This space=port is abandoned by God and Sense alike."

"But, sir, I am curious-"

"Curious of what? Of hearing the voices of neighbors crying for help at night? Of seeing your rival become a blissed bum during the day? Take your curiosity back to your ship, and get out."

"...It will take all afternoon to restock my ship, sir."

"I suggest you lodge with us until the morn, then. However, remember, you may not open any doors after sundown."

------

That night, as the wind danced across the metal panels like the undulating bot fly under one's skin, I shivered. No fire and no light was permitted in the house after dark, and all were locked into their respective rooms.

Then, I heard a scratching...a knocking. I strained my ears and heard an inaudible whisper, hoarse and choked. With further effort, I heard from the other side of my window, a lady's voice. "...eellp...mee..." it said. A moan from the other side of the house sounded. A whistling song poured in from another corner of the house. With its "Eh-ouh-eeee-um" and the moaning "Drrauggh" I again heard a louder whisper, "Hheeellp meeeh...".

There was a pounding sound, and the hungry cries of some child. All wore on and blended together into a symphony of discomfort. I began to feel tired, and wrapped my pillow-headset around my head. The sound did not cease...

That was what I meant. It was not really meant as criticism...more among the lines of "if you wanted to improve on the story...make it more of a short story...

[ml1201]

@Law
That's creepy. ^^;

[Tam I am]

Originally Posted by Lawtan

That was what I meant. It was not really meant as criticism...more among the lines of "if you wanted to improve on the story...make it more of a short story...

Ohhhh. Nah. I didn't think it was criticism. I like feedback. I wasn't really thinking short story when I wrote it, but more the kind of thing you tell while sitting in the dark, or around a campfire.

Also, can you imagine writing something up on this?

[Lawtan]

I'd sooner use ye old label/sticker device...

Or an actual typewriter...

It's the I-Watch of the 1900's