[Mika]

Granted, but they know it's against their free will and that it was you who caused it and conduct an immediate manhunt for you.

I wish I could ace my midterm without studying.

[Katame Shiraga]

(Yay! Manhunt's are fun.)
Granted, but to do so, you had to cheat and your Professor caught you in the middle of cheating.

I wish everyone knew and loved Homestuck.

[Starzel]

Granted, but then they all have bloody fanwars over their favorite characters

I wish I still had cheese in my fridge

[Katame Shiraga]

(o.o What's so bad about bloody Fanwars?)
Granted, but it's completely covered in mold and is absolutely unusable.

I wish purple was more manly than girly.

[Starzel]

(your side loses in a WWIII style bloodshed)

Granted, but you become colorblind and can't distinguish it from any other colors

I wish I was in an animated Disney movie

[Mika]

Granted, but it's singlehandedly the most racist disney movie of all time.

I wish bunny pee didn't smell so bad.

[Honey]

Granted, but their fur sheds worse than usual.

I wish I had something to do.

[Katame Shiraga]

Granted, but that something happens to be killing thousands of people, thus causing you to be arrested and sentenced to death, then killed in the most gruesome way imaginable.

I wish I had a Zillyhoo.

[Mika]

(Oh that's horrifying. Have you ever seen a rabbit shed? D:)

Granted, but you immediately lose it.

I wish I could find matching socks.

[Katame Shiraga]

(Dx Coddarnit!)
Granted, but you soon lose both in the magical portal known as The Dryer.

I wish I had a sandwich.

[Mika]

Granted, but it's stale.

I wish I could sleep.

[Katame Shiraga]

(Hey, stale sandwiches are still edible. It's when they're moldy that their edibility is in question.)
Granted, but now you can no longer wake up.

I wish all of Trisphee would be my friends.

[Mika]

(But they're unenjoyable!)

Granted, but it's only friends on paper. They secretly have no clue who you are.

I wish I hadn't missed class today.

[Katame Shiraga]

(That depends on your preferences.)
Granted, but you happened to have fallen asleep in class and had the professor yell at you the entire time.

I wish everyone would do The Dinosaur.

[Mika]

(Oh the professors don't yell at you for that in uni. xD I flat out had a nap in my korean class last class. Totally wasn't even mad. In my International Studies class? I text the entire lecture.)

Granted, but you were misheard and everyone became dinosaurs instead.

I wish I was awesome. D:

[Katame Shiraga]

Granted, but now you're too awesome and you wind up killing all of humanity by them being in your very presence.

I wish I had a Stegosaurus for a pet, so I could ride it like a pony. Like Jayzus did back in the day.