[Meizicht]

I don't even want to bother putting this in "diary format". Only reason I post anything is in hopes someone might see it. Some people do. Some people actually see if I'm alright ( which usually there's no need to bother. It's not like I'll do anything drastic; I'm too much of a coward to. ) which I appreciate.
Idk. I'm just actually tired in all ways.
Don't understand anything.
So much damn mess.
Ugh.
I can't even be assed to explain. Idk what the point of it is anyway. I've already isolated myself for a second time. How long is this going to last again, idk.
Well, it's my fault. I'm terrified of constantly choking on my foot. So I don't want to talk to people.
Kind of do at the same time anyway, but, yeah. Why take the trouble in making friends just to turn them away with my personality, when I could just not have any in the first place? That's so much easier. Especially when the people who matter the most to you in the first place don't really pay much attention.
Well, it's too much of a mess. Can't fix myself. Either I'll live like this or just not at all, someday.


Idc.

[insert diary format shit here.]


As long as I'm alive, it's just fine, right?

[Belial]

Dear diary

It's official, I need my glasses all the time now. Growing older kind bites at times.

B

[Gallagher]

Sometimes, I wonder how many people are like me.

Most of the time, I realize how few it is.

Sometimes, I'm surprised to realize when some of those I lean on aren't quite so similar as I'd thought.

Sometimes, I realize how twisted I am. I realize how I treat people. I realize how I make myself seem.

Sometimes, I absolutely hate myself.

I know it's irrational when it happens. I can list off all of my good points. It's automatic at this point, easy to do, but it doesn't change a thing.

I feel bad reaching out, because when I do, I know I'll upset them. I know they'll want to do whatever they can. And I know it won't help. And I know how badly it will hurt them when I tell them that, too.

Sometimes, I realize that I use this as a way of getting things I want. I realize it, but it still happens.

I crave attention I feel like I never got. More than attention on my performance. More than criticism. More than ideas and suggestions on how I can do better. I don't want to be corrected, I don't want to be told it would be perfect if only I'd done this.

I want my efforts to be acknowledged. I want to know I'm loved. I want to be held, even when my reflexes make me pull away and hit.

I want to be told how good I am, even when I do nothing but joke and throw insults around.

Because jokes and insults are all I know.

They're all I've ever had.

I hate this fact.

Change is... difficult. I'm getting there, but it seems as though something always has to happen.

...

I know who I am. But I also know how much I'm changing. I think... the people that see me most these days, perhaps even people that read this message, they don't realize how different I used to be. Some have gotten caught in the crossfire of my adaptations. They've seen the worst of it and come to think of me as that person. The one you only deal with when you have to, because you know they'll find fault with you.

But... honestly... I'm only just learning how to stick up for myself. And I still shut down, when I'm scolded. When I don't make people happy, when I don't reach the goals set before me, I still break down.



If you haven't seen me when I crash and burn, count yourself lucky.

And remember that you don't know me at all just yet.

I hope you'll see the mess it can be.

I hope you'll see me.

Please.

[Pinkie]

Dear life.

Thank you. For once.

Signed Pinkie.

[Asami]

Dear diary

Try to be strong

-asami

[Ginger]

Diary,

All I need is a job. A job will further my progression in my goal to escape the madness of my mother. If life would be so kind as to offer me an open position anywhere but home, that would mean one less unfortunate soul in the world.

Miranda.

[Espy]

Dear...you know.

Look. I do not need people hovering around me, always watching me, always trying to control what I do, always worrying, and always trying to pave my own path for me.

...It's my own path for a reason. I'll be perfectly fine paving it on my own. I would show you some lyrics from LP, namely from Numb, but I don't think you would understand. Maybe you'd just brush it off as another one of my useless interests, along with drawing.

Either way, if you really want, I will somehow pay you back all four years of college tuition a few years from now, if I don't get booted from CMU before I graduate. Because, you know, that is apparently is the impending doom that awaits me, or so you claim. If you never let me get out of the nest, I'll never be able to teach myself how to fly. By doing this, you're only hindering me.

What about that is so damn hard to understand?

-Espy

[Gallagher]

Dad,

Try kicking my dog again.

Try threatening to put her outside to get lost again.

I fucking dare you.

I'll look forward to turning your other tooth black, too. Maybe we'll try that bad knee of yours.

I don't care how shitty you feel. You throw that shit at me, I've learned how to deal, but my baby?

Just. Fucking. Try it.

[Natsunaine]

Dear life,

You sometimes suck, But other times you give me moments like tonight to were i actually fit in somewhere, Where i actually have the feelings to believe i fit in this unjust world. Although you stomp me down constantly and make me feel worthless, Im glad that you gave me amazing friends that i can always count on.

Love M.

[Pinkie]

Dear life...

Today you pulled through and gave me something that I really needed. Thank you for this job I will not let anyone down. I will work my hardest and do my best at everything! I did not expect to start one so soon but I am glad that I am. I mean....its been along time since I worked and just like that 6 days of of work. Five of them are eight hour days one is six but the six hours is on thanksgiving so its all over time! Thank you once more for finally restoring some hope that I had lost I knew you would pull through eventually!

Finally with love...
Pinkie

[Hero]

Dear Diary,
I can't seem to do anything right. Fuck.
It seems like no one wants to talk to me.
I just..don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.
I'm pathetic.

I can't stop doing the things I know will hurt me the most
Why can't I stop?
I guess I love ripping myself apart and spiraling into depression time and time again

[Tiva]

You Know

You have been my best friend since fourth grade, we have grown up together and now we are living together. But since you have gotten your current and first boyfriend I haven't had my friend. We live together and I barely see you, because Steven can't handle sharing you whenever he is over and if he isn't over you aren't there. Here is your life currently, you wake up go to class and after leaving class you either go to work or come home with Steven. If you ever walk out of your room when he is there it is either for the Kitchen or Bathroom. You don't talk to me when you are out of your room and if you do it is normally some comment about if we got a bill or when whatever you ordered should be coming in.
It hurts, a lot, because both Chris and I have tried to extend whatever we are doing to include you and Steven but you don't want to be around us. And it really just leaves it down to this.
You are no longer my friend, you are my roommate who pays 1/3 of the rent but uses more than one first of the space, and it needs to be fixed now. So once your sister leaves this sunday you have a week to either switch rooms and fit all of your stuff into one room and 3 cabinets plus a drawer in the kitchen and the space on top of the cabinets you have and a 1/3 of the counter space or start paying more rent. There is no friendly feelings here anymore, because I feel like I am just a back up plan in your life whenever Steven can't be there or he leaves you. Not someone you talk to about things, or go to see when you need advice. Your paid friends do that now and all I am is a burden.

Devon

[Kaguya]

Dear >enter something here<,

I am sick as hell at the moment and you still expect me to clean, go to the store and cook when I should be sleeping all so you can be playing mmo's, talking to friends and rp. I love you to pieces but just for once how about you take care of me for a change? When I finally do start to get some actual sleep you start talking/laughing as a bunch of seagulls. Do me a favour and shut the fuck up please!

Signed
Your sick, pissed off fiancé.

[Asami]

Dear diary

Now im truly alone.
-asami

[Hermes]

Dear Person,

I mean it, and you know that. I mean every word.

Hopeful,
Me

[Ame Froide]

Dear My Amazing Boyfriend,
Just cause you put a 25 cent plastic rosary down your boxers. Does not mean you are going to hell.
I know your really religious and all. But if you were going to hell. It sure wouldn't be for that.
So what if you put jesus down your pants?
Maybe he liked it.
You dont know what team jesus plays for.
And now im going to hell for saying that.
But at least you'll be there!