[Batty]

Lol, I kind of feel like that myself.
I'm just.. really kind of upset right now, and I'm trying hard not to be.

Nikko; Ehh? NUUU! I don't wanna worry youuuu!

[Asami]

Asami can fight the urge.
Even though its pushing hard right now...
I /might/ if my parents go to bed soon...

Batty wanna talk about it ono?

[NikkoGallarado]

What is wrong batty?

I can't help but worry about you both when something is wrong or your sick. . . or just everything.

I am the manry-est of men!

[Asami]

Nikko<3 you are a sweetie. Ilu<3

[NikkoGallarado]

You guys are my friends.

I am the manry-est of men!

[BakedGewds]

Hope you feel better soon you two. :c

[NikkoGallarado]

o n o I never like it when they get sick,

I am the manry-est of men!

[Asami]

<3 nikko //cries
Too sweet<3

Thanks baked. I hope batty gets better more than myself... that girl deserves pep talks more than I do. She goes through worse than what I do

[Batty]

Well, one thing I definitely can't talk about. The other thing, I can. xD;
It'll just shine a bad light on my mom, for the moment.

I was helping mom cook, and, she fucked up the rice BIGTIME. It got all mushed and burnt together, so I PICKED at some of the burnt pieces, And, when she went to go give zane, herself, and my sister their share, she claimed "there wasnt enought left for anyone"

Then, when I had asked what she meant by that, I got the DIRTIEST look, was told she was just going to keep her mouth shut, and then we got into it. So essentially, for finally taking the initiative to eat, I got yelled at for it. When she finally realized that she'd

A] Made me throw myself back into "I'M A FATASS AND NEVER EATING AGAIN" mode, she apologized.

B] Told me she was just frustrated because of the electricity, and didn't mean to take it out on me. But, to an anorexic, and someone who NEVER admits to wanting to eat, that really fucked me for the rest of the day.
I FINALLY took the initiative. do you know how HARD that was for me? And then, she turns around and YELLS at me for it?

I know half of the house not having electric really frazzled her, especially because it was blistering hot, and its the side that the AC's on that blew, but.. come on. That wasn't right.

She feels horrible now, but.. it doesn't change anything for me today. I haven't eaten yet.. and its already 2AM.

[BakedGewds]

3:
*pats Batty*

Frustration gets the best of us

[Batty]

Asa;; I have it worse? O___O HOW? XD;

[Asami]

That really wasn't right of her to do that especially with your condition.... but I do understand the stress of the situation but it doesn't make it right.
I really hope you don't take it to harshly... but something like that can really hurt...

I really hope you eat....

[Batty]

Oh, I took it MORE than hard. Hence why nothings gone into my stomach in... ten hours? I hadn't had anything during the day, either. The last thing I had was toast crust, this morning, at 4AM.

[Asami]

I mean you suffer daily. I only go through what I have in cycles now
I have almost gotten it to go away by fighting but sometimes my body says "NO GET OUT NOW!" and I end up sitting by the toilet the whole night till I throw up bile and then some. And then some... and then some. (Which I know is bad because that really messes up the body but... I cant help it...)

And the I go through the anxiety of thinking 'oh no... its gonna happen and I cant fight it' and sometimes I can and sometimes I cant. But usually my friends help make me stronger

What you go through is totally and completely more difficult than that. Because not only do you rarely eat but you push your body to its limits and then some. //hugs. And you do it every. Single. Day. No rests. No stops. No being able to stop it. I used to be the same until people forced me to stop.
I really wish I could help you but I'm just some Internet person who doesn't matter and can never truly get you to eat or make you stop pushing yourself... I'm not there to give you the support you NEED and deserve. And I hate that ono

(I hope I didnt offend you with any of this... )
----
I was afraid of that... //hugs
I wish there was some way to fix the situation..
its like you took two steps forward and ten steps back) :

[NikkoGallarado]

10 hour days? My you. . . .-sighs some- Some times I feel I need punch a bunch of people in the face. . . .

I am the manry-est of men!

[Batty]

It happens all the time. I start getting better, then someone, somehow, has to fuck that all up for me. I'm so proud of you for getting MUCH better than you were before, but, I'm constantly at WAR with myself. Thats all I've got up in my head. I did... far too much today. And I wasn't supposed to, but it happened anyway. ><;

Its like I have two of me, one, who KNOWS whats going on, has the capability and the drive to stop it, but the other part, the anorexic part, is the one who dominates. Reminds me why I'm doing what I'm doing, and what would happen if I stopped. And that part ultimately wins.

You DO matter, and you ARE important. So is everyone else who gives ten shits about me. Its just.. really hard. I don't even accept help from people I know offline, and that kills me. I've been doing pretty decent with the working out, though. I'm just constantly active, running errands on the bike, and... just.. not sitting down for more than five minutes at a time. I've been on this new routine, and I've been sticking to it religiously. The only time I do more than I'm supposed to, is on rest days... when I'm not supposed to do anything but my normal everyday walking and biking and such.

I'm proud of myself to an extent, I just wish I could move passed it.

And whoa. Long winded much? xD; Anywho, I think I'm gonna lay down for awhile, and try to get rid of this nasty headache.

I LOVE YOU GUYYSSS!