[Asami]

Dear diary,

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of all the shit you put me through. Why do I have to do all the fucking work and then its never enough. I spend half my time picking up after you for you just to say I need to do more.

Why am I not allowed to have my hair cut the way I want it? Why cant I dye it teal or pink? I mean its my hair right? Why do I get shot down for wanting ti do what will ultimately make me happy? Oh that's right you want to control everything about me.

You hate gauges, therefore they are evil and ugly and I should hate them. Uh no. I want to gauge my ears and I hate when you yell at me for mentioning it.
you are fucking insane! Seriously. You need help. But of course you're too fucking lazy to do anything so why should this be different??

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
Why cant you understand this?
I will NEVER be able to love you.
Not after all this shit you put me through.

Sincerely one pissed off kid.

[Rinni]

Dear _______,

....you sneered and said it didn't matter what you said, I wouldn't feel it. I never listen, and I never really feel anyway, so what did it matter?

I heard every word, and everyone cut me. But I didn't show. Because it wouldn't matter if I showed how I felt or not; I'm always acting in your eyes, every emotion a direct challenge and rebellion against you. You always asked why I stopped talking to you, and why I became so "blank".

Can you really blame me?

I used to try and fight it, try to fix, try to make it right. But....I've given up. It's easier to remain silent, to remain blank until you leave the room. Nothing I say makes any difference, regardless of your claims to contrary. Have you noticed I say less and less each day to you? How restrained I've become. I'm a fucking shell, and I'm still showing too much attitude for you.

I'd love to say I'd show you this, but it wouldn't make any difference. This isn't anything I haven't said to your face. I guess this is my silent confession that I'm tired. Something that would get me yelled at if I dared utter it outloud.

[Espy]

Dear...you know.

I'm tired of being guilt-tripped to the point that I'm completely used to it, yet it still affects me. It's as if, since every other thing you tell me is to try to make me think about every single fault I have, you don't even know you're guilt-tripping me.

How the hell do you ruin someone's day completely and utterly through two words? Ok, fine, I'll admit I raised my voice, but that's because both you and the dentist told me the same thing (that the mold is permanent and I have to take this seriously and not move) four times within the span of ten seconds. Alright, I said five before, and you told me you only mentioned it twice. ...Sure, four times is a lot less than five, huh...

And then on the way home, you tell me how much I embarrassed you by raising my voice. I didn't even yell. It wasn't even halfway to a yell. Two words: "I know", said in maybe an impatient manner, after hearing the same thing four times in the span of ten seconds. Is that unreasonable? And then from there, the ranting turned into yelling at me for not doing anything over the summer (the hell? I have a class at the comm. college, plus a course that I'm taking early, plus a ton more stuff. I'm not doing anything?), and then about how I'm not giving a damn about getting my license.

...Excuse me. This is coming from the person who told me she wasn't going to let me get my permit when I was sixteen, even though I kept asking for it, because the insurance was too high? And the day after I turn legal, you're on my ass telling me to get my license as soon as possible. Why didn't you just let me get my permit back then? It would've saved me a lot of time. "You were busy back then." Okay, I was, but I still had time. It's better than being yelled at now, to have done at least part of it earlier.

And then Dad gets home while I'm out walking the dog. Why am I out for two and a half hours? Because you told me to keep walking him until he pooped. He didn't yet. And the second I get in, Dad starts yelling at me. How did you twist your story to make it seem like I ranted and raved at the dentist's? What did you say to make him think I completely embarrassed both of us by screaming at you? It was two words. Two. And I'll admit I was impatient, but who wouldn't be?

Look. Every time Dad says something, you parrot it. The exact same words. I'm tired of it. Why don't you get that?

And now you're doing the whole "there's only two weeks before you leave. Why can't you just get along with us?" deal. Really? And then a split second later, you tell me, "It'd be better if you left sooner." ...Thanks. Much appreciated. Stop being a hypocrite, douche. If you want me to leave sooner, get me an earlier flight and book a hotel room for me. Not my fault I don't have a credit card yet. What am I, a kid?

You say you don't want to see me? Fine. That's easy. Don't come near my room, or the study. Problem solved. Dad, you yelled at the neighbor's dogs yesterday because you were afraid they'd wake me up while I was sleeping? Your yelling was louder than they were. And now that I'm done with that test that you were so anxious about, yes, sure, you can turn up the volume of the TV way up. It's not like I'm working on anything else, right?

--A.L.

[Asami]

Dear diary


YAY YOU' I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! FINALLY! YOU PUT THAT BITCH IN HER PLACE!!
now you need to cut all ties and get her out of your life!!!! Shes just a worthless goodfornothing bitch. Let her think she is so much better than you are! Haha who cares!?!? You don't need her anymore!
Hannah-1 bitch -0.
Woot! Woot!!

Love yourself

Ps you deserve a highfive and a cookie

[Poggio]

Dear me,
How did you loose an entire sketchbook?
Its mystifying you know and much harder then keys.
Its just kinda frustrating to keep loosing things.

Love me.

[Asami]

Dear diary

What the heck. You are such a horrible person. You have to control everything or you get all crazy psycho bitch. I am sure Christian hates you for what you did.
I hate you. So much.

-your daughter.

[Diru]

Dear Diary

Today I discovered that a lot of people I know on Solia use this site. I'm just kind of exploring right now, but it is just kind of strange.

[Vinyl]

Dear, Cahal

You're supposed to be one of my good friends. You ignore me when you're hanging out with my ex and now you only speak to me when you want something. So you know what, you can just fuck right off. I can't be bothered dealing with that sort of shite.

Tania.

[Hero]

Dear me,
Stop being such a depressive fuck.
It's annoying others and it only hurts yourself.
Stop being so timid and tackle the problem.
Waiting isn't going to help you.
Time is something you don't have.

[Asami]

Dear diary,

How could you do this to me... my heart feels torn in two... you were supposed to be my best friend... now I feel empty and I just want to withdrawal myself from society even trisphee. Everything reminds me of you... everything... I cant enjoy things I used to because id think of you and I just cry... why cant I stop crying.... I loved you, did you ever love me? Did you just use me? I will never trust anyone again fuck best friends. Fuck it. Ill never have a best friend. You ruined it fully for me. Thanks a lot... Im depressed again. I don't even care about anything anymore.

-asami

[BakedGewds]

Dear mom,

Why are you such a turd? Just a huge steaming pile really. I know I'm not your favorite child, I've never been either yours or dads, and to be honest I was fine with that. What I'm not fine with is the treatment that comes with being the dud. I did well in school. I graduated. I'm going to college now. I may not have a job yet but you know how hard I'm trying. It's not my fault this town is dead. It's not my fault you cheated on dad and because I live with you the rest of my family hates me, therefore won't help financially with a car or anything that would help greatly. It's not my fault I didn't follow in your footsteps to be little Miss Popular in high school. I remember when I got Prom Queen and you were so shocked. You had the nerve to even ask me how I did it since I wasn't the prettiest girl. Do you know how much that hurts? Do you even care how hard your words hit me? Growing up, being told your ugly and fat by your own parents. Being told you should just be a lesbian because you'd never be as pretty as your sister, and therefore wouldn't get the guy. I remember when it came time for my prom. You gave me a $100 limit for the entire event, dress and all. I was so happy that you were even helping me. I wasn't the one to go to dances because of how ugly I felt at them, but I didn't want to miss my senior prom. Then came Harlies first MIDDLE SCHOOL dance. One of those dinky things that are just for fun. She didn't even need to wear a dress, but she wanted to. That made you happy. You and her spent the day and $400 on her stuff. It hurt a little.. not that she got more than me, but that you were so happy and seemed so proud of her for being able to fit into those size 2 dresses. She's your princess..

I mean, I felt like I was in a dream, and still do. Parents like you do exist sadly. Parents who play favorites. Ones who don't seem to realize just because their kid doesn't cry doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
I remember I cried once in front of dad, he told me to "Suck it up and stop being such a pussy." You were there. You didn't say anything. Why was I crying? Because he shoved my face in a pile of cat sh*t because I was the only one given responsibility and I happened to not notice the cat squat behind the couch that day. I think I was 7.. or 8. I remember it perfectly. I also remember him calling me a slut when I was 9 or so. I barely knew what that meant.
You may not have been as blatantly abusive as he, but you still make me feel like shit when you talk to me now.

I'm 19 years old. I'm older, wiser, and know that you were never meant to have kids. My brother and sisters would be even worse than they are now if I weren't here.

You know I have no job, you know I'm trying to go to college and move out. You know I'm saving for a car to get this whole life thing started, yet you still take everything I earn.. Sure I'll pay rent to sleep on the concrete pantry floor since you don't want me on your couches. I'll even help you afford your trip to Florida on Christmas, the one I'm not invited to since you need me to stay and dog sit. Hell, I even pay car insurance on a car I'm not allowed to drive. I'll get you gifts on your birthday and do the house chores for you, even if you say I'm a useless waste of space and claim I don't do anything.

I love you mom, but I hate you. I hate you so much it's not funny. I hate you with a passion.

I will never be anything more than the "fat a** who sits and plays at her laptop all day" to you. You chose not to notice when I'm doing stuff for you, which is all the time. You only notice when I'm not cleaning or doing something productive for YOU.

So I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry for not amounting up to my little sister. I'm sorry I can't make the house spotless for you everyday when I'm the only one trying. I'm sorry life has damned you with a waste like me.

I'm sorry, ok?

[NeonSynth]

Dear Life and Love
Why did I have to fall for the most perfect person ever and they have to be attracted to the same sex I am attracted to why did you have to even show me them , I mean yah I love talking to them getting to know them better and eventually hanging out with them more but you just had to put that little thing in huh? why are you so cruel! why most you play with me so!! I will never understand you.

ruined,
NeonSynth

[Ultima]

Dear diary,

Why can't I just have normal feelings? Why do I feel so negative all the time? Why do I do/want to do things I know I'll regret?

Why can't a love song just be nice words strung together? Why do they have to tear me apart? Why does seeing your picture make me want to cry because I miss you so much but I don't know how to talk to you? Why does her name send me into a rage?

Why can't I just accept that you're with someone else and I should do the same? Why do I hope she breaks your heart so you come running back to me? Why am I still so deeply, intensely in love with you?

Now every little thing pushes me over the edge and I have to try so hard to hide the fact that I feel like garbage. Every day.

Going back to school terrifies me to no end. Not because you'll be there. But because if you're there, that means there's a chance she might show up there. I don't think I could take it if that happened.

And I really wish you still checked Trisphee. Because I am far too much of a coward to ever tell you any of this straight.

-signed,
Ultima

PS: I should stop writing these. But I like to think that getting my thoughts out there helps. .... Even though it probably doesn't.

[Rigel]

Dear Diary,

I think I may have gotten a job today, but I won't know until Friday or Monday. I remember when I used to have this voice in my head that told me nothing I did would ever be successful or 'enough'. It's still occasionally there, nagging just a little, whining at me for trying after I've failed. I'm getting better, though. I'm doing better than I ever thought I would. I wonder if you still think of me. You once told me I was so 'down to Earth' and I was just a kid, so I blushed and smiled and thanked you as I countered it with negativity. I think I'm beginning to see some of what you saw in me now. I don't really miss you. I don't think we can walk next to each other anymore, because our hearts are so far away. But that's okay. You were a part of my life, a phase I went through. You were everything to me once, back when my world was small. I loved you. I hope that you think of me with a smile now, and not any of the melancholy with which I think of you. I hope your girlfriend is doing okay. I hope your daughter is doing okay. I hope you're doing okay. Thank you for believing in me. The little you expected of me then was more than I expected from myself, and because I wanted to impress you, I worked hard. Slowly it became something I did for myself, rather than for you. You were my catalyst for growth. I can't ever repay that, but I don't think you knew you were doing it. And that's alright. I hope life treats you well. Don't ever forget that you have the power to change the way you see the world around you. Be braver than you think you can be and you'll surprise yourself. Do the right thing for that girl you're with. Take care of your daughter and talk to your family.

I'm doing just fine.

Love,
Me.

[The Mule]

Dear anything,

Zero confidence, zero self esteem, zero self control; why should I even have the right to have so many people around me? Eventually they'll see how bad I really am. I'll mess everything up. I always do.

I don't know what to do. I don't think you really want me anymore. She was actually probably right about me all along and I shouldn't be mad at her at all. You probably should've left me for her. I'm nothing good for you. Everyone else is probably right. And it's my fault. All of it, everything, even in the future, it's my fault. I'm too gloomy for you. You should hate me. Because I'm a damn stain.
So.. I don't have confidence in your feelings for me anymore. I don't think you even want much to do with me now. I've been trying my hardest to stop being such a huge pain in the ass, but just... all this stuff is still tying me up inside. Everything I do doesn't work. When I talk to you, I'm so cold, and I hate it.. I can't express myself right. It's all my fault. For so long, I'm scared to death all of the stuff that has happened before might repeat itself. You throwing me off like that.. And getting everything ripped out of me over again. I don't want to relax and drop my guard and then that happen again. As much as I blame that, I know it's all me. It's my fault. I always have to tell myself "everything is my fault" because I'm so selfish that I want to blame something else. It'smyfault,it'smyfault.
And I apologize constantly for it. But that just makes you mad.. I'm stuck.
And all of the stuff that she did too ( you know.. "she" who used to be my friend ) still tears me up to think about it so much. I've never ever felt so horrible over something before, besides the stuff with your mother. It has me nauseous, just thinking about it. Because I'm so worried that I might be all wrong.
I don't know. Do I even deserve anything at all? I don't feel like I do. I just want to crawl back into my hole and watch everyone else be happy.
Idk.

-Anonymous me.

[Lauv Keiko]

Dear Self...

Stop feeling guilty all the time. Do what you need to do that will make you feel alive and happy and just pumped.
You're old enough and you need to experience freedom. Your wings have been clipped yet you let it grow back, now just spread it and do whatever you want to do. Experience is a good teacher. Bad things will happen, but always remember to be careful and not be stupid enough to make the same mistake.
It's high time you start loving yourself.

Love,
Zhene.