[Helsinki Harlot]

Well si bueno then. <3

My only advice for that, is a lot of booze, and finding someone as messed up as you. It's why me and her have such a good friendship. We've seen some shit and have some stuff in our heads that most people will never go through. That's honestly the key, find someone as fucked in the head as you are and it just kinda happens naturally.

[Mizeria]

I have booze, and that scares people
xDD

I'm trying to find someone that gets it.
I don't even care about relationships right now.
Its just needing someone that won't look at me weird, or be mad when I flip..
Or when my world falls down on me and I need help just to pick it back up..
Its just someone to keep me stable... ish
thats what I want..
its all I need right now

I've resorted to walking to dennys each night to sit there. just so I'm around people... so I'm stable enough, just enough, where I feel I'm gonna be okay.

and then I walk home when I feel like I'm gonna pass out, and then go to sleep for 3 hours, go to work for 8 1/2... then home for a half hour... then back to dennys

unless its mon/tues
cause... honestly theres no point to going when... one of those waiters aren't there and those are his days off.

everyone else would look at me weird and ask me to leave..
even if i tip well and don't bother anyone..

[Helsinki Harlot]

-is currently sippin' on some Jager-

Yeah I know the feeling. If I had a Denny's in walking distance I'd do that. I love Denny's. Especially late at night, we used to go there when me and an ex-friend got off of work at 1am.

What I used to do when I was at home and felt like that, is I'd go crawl up on my roof and smoke cigarettes until I felt less unstable. It's either that or I sit down on the ground and start doing crunches and push ups until my body passes out so my mind doesn't get a chance to be retarded with me.

Bar's are pretty good for that too. Especially if you become a regular.

[Mizeria]

never been to a bar, but Tony, the waiter at dennys, says he's gonna take me to one cause he wants to see me drunk.
=.=;

In would be drinkin, but its.. almost 9am here

I don't smoke, I guess I could work out...
I just tend to get lost in music, or find some way to hangout with someone... or start to slip back into something... bad.
my depression [one of many problems] is pretty bad, and I've had suicidal thoughts since I was at least 11... yesh I fight it, and yes I'm doing fine, but I worry myself when I can't find a way to remain stable...

[Helsinki Harlot]

It's 7:48am here! :D -starting early- lol

And aaw, that's awesome if you have someone to go with. xD As long as you can handle your liquor and can resist being pressured into that one more shot. xD

I know how that is. I've got a fair share of scars and attempts under my belt. As long as you're still waking up the next morning tho', I think you're doing ok. It's all about having a few tricks up your sleeve. Sometimes I paint, sometimes I drink, sometimes I chain smoke through a pack of cigs, sometimes I get to smoke a joint. Whatever shortcuts work for you, find them. It'll at least get you through the day.

[Mizeria]

i'm normally good, I've only ever been drunk once
and thats cause I was. D.O.N.E.
I thought I saw my cat, and he died this past Jan.
sooo i was like. yep fuck this.
I want to be gone.

idk... with tony though..
lol

I just.. I'm not good with bars... or drunks... or people I don't know in both those situations...

I always get through the day.
Always
I've made to many promises to to many people... and honestly...
thats the only thing keeping me alive,
I have nothing to live for...
and I'm not sure how to FIND something to live for..
soo

the promises I've made, is all I have right now.

[Helsinki Harlot]

Wow. You must've been... smashed. Not sure I've ever been so drunk I started seeing things. The only time reality's kinda shifted was when I took shrooms. xD Must've been an intense night of drinking for you, sorry it was such a weird/bad night for ya.

Does he seem like a good guy?

There is that, bars can get pretty skeevy at times. If you have someone who likes a drink, drag them along with you.

-gives you your honorary club badge- I feel ya on that. The one thing I can really think of other than that is that I'm an older sister, and even tho' my lil' sis doesn't want much to do with me that's always crawling under my skin somewhere. I've never had to promise her anything but ya know, that's my little girl. I gotta stay functioning enough for as long as I can so that I can help her achieve what she needs. I wish I could give you advice on getting your own drive and dreams but I'm still figuring that one out. In the mean time, party hard. <3

[Mizeria]

oh no, I hadn't even started drinking yet. but I got home and i was fucking smashed. for the first time ever... and it was well.. something.
xD

I'm pretty much an every drunk from what my friends said. screaming, crying, laughing, hitting things... i spoke more coherent tho..

Tony seems like an awesome guy. thats not the issue...
because of some family history... I don't go to bars for a reason. I'm not around large groups of drunk people for a reason.
I drink, for the most part, alone... for a reason.

and now he says, "hey ash, you said you;d never been to a bar? I'ma gonna take you to one... one of these days. Just cause it would be fun."

but he doesn't know a lot about me..
so I'm not sure if he would understand...

I know a couple people that like to drink... but I'd like one that would stay sober... just cause I don't trust myself all the time...

I can't party to hard cause of work...
annd I'm an only child.
so my dark days are pretty freakin dark.

I get by. doing what I have to.
and then its just one day at a time.
ya kno?

[Helsinki Harlot]

lol oh being smashed. I've had a few too many of those nights.

Well shit, I'm sorry that your relationship with alcohol got so fucked up. I don't know if it's for similar reasons but I got friends like that who have certain things they can and can not do with alcohol.

And take it slow. I'm sure if he's taken enough of an interest in you so far you could just ask him to be respectful of certain behaviors and take it from there. No need to go all in the first hang out time.

And you'd be better damn sure you have a sober person when you go out to a bar. [/never goes out without a DD]

Well one day at a time is all that anyone can ask for. Just keep kicking those feet and eventually you should break surface and breathe easier. No one ever said shit was gonna be easy, but that's kinda what makes it precious and appreciated. It'll just give you a straighter back and stronger shoulders in the end if you can keep doin' what you're doin'.

[gremlin]

- pokes head into the thread -

> w<

Hey everyone, what's going on?~

[Mizeria]

actually it wasn't that bad of an experience, being smashed i mean.
I remember 95% of it.. and even tho it was not a good moment for me... my friends had a good laugh.... and i laugh about it now.

And... I always planned on never drinking.
but things changed when my ex- room mate turned 21... and then.. well i didn't drink again until I was 21 a couple month later... and right now.. i'm about... a week sober
as weird as that is... and thats only cause i'm been at dennys all week

ha, tony is something else.
Idk if there is interest there... idk if I want there to be interest there
I just know I like hangin out at dennys while he is working cause I can just forget everything..

and I'm sure if I went to a bar I would explain to him that I might freak out a bit..
and try to explain why...
without making him turn into 'ima gonna kill some people'
cause he seems like the overly protective guy.. even if I am just a friend.

oh god yes, a DD or make sure the bar tender takes the keys and has the address written down for my house for a taxi
xDD

I don't want life to be easier, per say, I just want to stop dragging everyone I care about down with me... does that make sense?
Its like, when I talk about my depression... its like they feel bad, all the time. so I stop talking about it and then they freak...
so its a no win.. for me at all...

which in turn makes me feel worse for causing so many problems.

[Helsinki Harlot]

Hola Neirra. <3 :] Whatchu been up to?

And nothing much. Jamming to some Nicki Minaj. Getting frustrated about poses. The usual.

[Helsinki Harlot]

Mizzie; If the sober thing is good then good for you. <3 I usually have about a drink or two a night so. -shrugs- :3

-takes her rose colored sunglasses off- I know the reasons for going there aren't so awesome but it SOUNDS awesome. Especially 'cause I know they have a smoking section. Met the greatest old man there once. Loved his stories. So nice.

Just explain that some things make you uncomfortable and that he's under no obligation to certain behaviors and that maybe at some point you can get into it more but for now you just want to hang out. I mean I have trouble going to bars because guys have a habit of cornering me, but I didn't have to explain everything to the friends I went with, I just asked them "Hey, crowds like this kinda make me anxious, especially drunk crowds, so please bare with me and thank you, if someone could always be keeping me company it'd be greatly appreciated." Didn't have to go into more detail.

Pro-tip; always keep taxi money tucked away not near your wallet so you don't spend it on drinks. xD

I know that too, but we covered that part earlier. The whole same demons thing and a stiff drink. xD;;

[Mizeria]

hels, sober mizzie is okay... as long as she's around people...
like walking to dennys and back. I come home and pass out
no need to drink

Tonys kinda like that. Love his stories. He's done some pretty crazy stuff.

I'm not as good with talking to people.. unless its trough text.. cause the words never come out right when I'm speaking. So I wouldn't be able to explain anything even if he did ask. But yeah... he knows some of my issues already.

I need the corner booth at dennys cause I'm paranoid as all hell. I hate when the drunks come in when the bars close so he always sits them in a different section or I move, which ever is easier.
guys around my age I'm cool with, but theres a group of guys that are older men that are there all the time and I avoid them..
so just by him workin there and seeing me so much he knows somethings up with certain things... he just never asks why.

like when i'm overly stressed, my ocd acts up... and one day it was so bad I asked him to clear off my table. he just looked at me weird and did it for me and then I was starting to calm down...

I always have a safety net stash on my person just in case something happens.

-can't remember what I've said and what I haven't I guess-
sorry
v.v;

[Helsinki Harlot]

Aah, well that's good.

Tony seems like a kid I'd like to meet. I feel like he's got a good character.

xD I know how that is too. I've got essentially social anxiety disorder. I do all right tho', thanks to an awesome speech teacher I had. She helped me learn a few tools of the trade to at least pretend like I'm not freaking out and blurting out weird things. xD

Do you by chance hate phone calls? Because I hate them. xD

Mmmm. I see. I understand the paranoid tho'. I sleep with my back against the wall and my eyes on the door. If it has a lock it has to be locked. Can't really sleep any other way. I kinda do the same thing at booths but probably for a different reason. I like knowing my back's covered.

Yay for weird ocd behavior. I've got a few but nothing quite like that. I'm just glad he's willing to help you out with those moments.

What's a net stash? o.O

Nah, all I meant by that is that I wish I had some clever advice to add to that specific phrasing and extra detail but I really don't.

[gremlin]

@ Helsinki: I'm sorry if I came in at a bad time. o wo
- scans the thread - Should I leave? I don't want to interrupt your conversation.