[Lauv Keiko]

Oh baby, I love the sound of that~ *winks and puckers lips*

[Xun]

Ohoho |D *tackle glomp* RIDE MEH

[DragonDrifter]

...-awkwardly sits in the corner while his brain rots-

[Lauv Keiko]

@Xun: Oh yes, baby. Imma ride you hard, while you drive me crazy~
*winks winks*



@dragon: XD =P

[Xun]

@Dragon: It's a dog pile-- JOIN US OmO

[DragonDrifter]

-turns his head to the wall-
I...I CAN'T WATCH THIS.

[Lauv Keiko]

Nuh-uh, Xun. You're mine ALONE.

[DragonDrifter]

I'm going to bed now guys.
Talk to you tomorrow!

[Lauv Keiko]

Bye bye, Kiddo. Talk to you tomorrow ^^

[Xun]

Baw, I missed dragon. D:

...Oh well. More for me. *molests luvs all over Lauv*

[Spirit of the Party]

I think I feel even worse than before

[Xun]

Oh? What seems to be the problem? '^'

[Spirit of the Party]

Among other things, this:

What is required is that I die,
I die because no longer can I control my thoughts or emotions
No longer can I fit in safely or learn to behave
I fit into this system which fucks people over no matter which way you look at it
This system is a system where cheating means you survive and live on to fuck over the nation
And you survive on the dirt, and the shit that’s in the dirt because that’s nourishing to a blackened soul
I don’t want to be a priest as much as you think I’m fit for it.
I want to make love and be with someone.
I don’t want to trust God.
God fucks people over too, and doesn’t explain himself enough for me to work with it.
I have thought this out time and time and time and time again
And again and again and again so you get the point.
You’re walking into a trap by staying here.
The truth is making me live a lie to survive.
I don’t want to live like this
I can’t live a lie any longer
I can’t speak
I can’t move
I can’t even breathe without a fucking say so.
So kill me, DAMMIT!
I don’t want to hurt people
I want to live in a world where I can love my friends at ease
And my friends of my friends can be alright with that
I want to live in a world where there is a peace and there is a love
I don’t want to kill or be killed in the lands of competitive killing
Because that is this nation. This nation is dying by choking itself while feasting on their corpses
So the rich get richer, the poor get poorer
And I admire the arrogant bastard, Lelouche Vi Brittania after all these years
And I admire Mr. D because he’s more or less the same, but he’s black, not brittanian
He’s a teacher, coach, and dare I say it friend, but not a prince
But who gives a shit about those differences
Because no matter where you turn, you can’t be loved
You can’t sit there and look in your best friend’s eyes without feeling an air of mistrust
And it’s a good mistrust because some people fuck other people over
But that’s also the problem
I don’t want to be mature if it means fucking people over and beating down others while heading to the top
I’m a patriarchal feminist now, aren’t I? I want to be the fucking adored hero that people bring into town.
I want to be the best, but I don’t want to hurt the worst. I don’t want to exploit others even though shit happens
I don’t want to be that guy, and for the most part I try not to
And it drives me insane because all of a sudden to not screw someone over is to screw yourself over
To keep someone happy you have to sadden yourself, you have to be attached to strings
“play it cool by making your world a little colder”
I wish I had the Beatles in my life time.
I would’ve loved their music.
But now I can’t express my love because everyone plays fucking Holden Caulfield
And it scares me.
I don’t know if they’ll laugh or not
I don’t know if they’ll fuck me over
So I play Katsuragi’s game:
Gather information
Flirt
Be social
Find the event
And play out the lines
It’s just too bad that Keima never fell in love. I did and now it’s cutting me deeply
I can’t read people like I used to
I could tell from someone’s voice and movements whether their lying or not.
Fuck, I could tell it from text. From TEXTING STYLE! That’s how I FUCKING SAVED HANNAH
… You don’t even believe me on Hannah. Her number’s in my phone. She lives in a small town near in Illinois close to the border of Missouri. It’s a small town. She’ll have time to answer and talk for five without getting yelled out by her bitchy mom.
But who knows. She might have died to join me. I think I’m powerful enough for that to happen.
But I don’t need power; I need freedom,
Which is why I died. It was required.

[Xun]

If this is a poem or some kind of form of free-write, I am impressed with the message you give.

If this is actually coming from your heart, let me first critique with some words of my own:

This is the same shit people are complaining about all over the world, so what makes you think your words will be heard differently than other people? What is making you stop from gaining what you desire if you despise the world?

Nothing... no one... is stopping you.

The fact that people judge you-- who are they to judge? Who died and made them kings and queens? Then again, are you not guilty yourself to making assumptions of what others think?

Who are you to trust in if you cannot trust God with your life? Yourself? No, oh dear no. You can't even trust yourself because you know yourself very well-- too well to the point where you know you can and can't do things. You keep yourself down because you know what you like and dislike. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust in the end?

Forget about the world-- forget about the people in it. If you have lost all faith in humanity, then forget about humanity. Don't kill yourself over it, however. Instead, hold your head up high in pride and show the world who you truly are because the world cannot substitute the same uniqueness you possess. The world cannot replace you. Your words are your own and no one can ever mimic such a thing.

Be yourself. Don't let anyone put you down. Not even yourself.



.......


.......


.......

But like I said, if this is part of your writing, I love it! '^'

[Spirit of the Party]

It is a poem, but it's also mine, and it carries a message from my heart.
That being said, you have great insight into this.
The problem I feel that I'm faced with, however, is that I don't want to punch my way over humanity toget what I want. People punch back. Freedom just doesn't work that way. I'm not worried about being mimiced but those words hurt. I don't know how to change that within me becuase to some degree I require companionship in some way shape or form. If I were alone, I could make up something from my own imagination, but that's not the case in society or even in my own household. People barge in and shatter the illusion and then call me an idiot for trying to occupy myself in such a way. And perhaps I am making an assumption-

((and I just realized how disorganized I'm being. sorry about that))

but that is that at least some people think that way, and that my chips go to meeting at least that one person before bilding up both my confidence and my friendship with those who aren't them so that I'm ready. I tried this, and now I'm half broken and ready to give up on living. It's just not worth the pain anymore, the way I'm seeing it.

I mean what's probably likely is that I'm not "living" per se, and I should start doing that...fuck feelings sometimes.

[Xun]

Companionship is something we all crave for. To me, it appears as if you lack patience enough to find one on time. I don't know how old you are, but you should understand that finding that "special someone" takes time. Not only that, but you must also realize that we're not "perfect," and yet we strive for such perfection in everything we do when it's unobtainable.

Things happen every day and we must be more than prepared for the unthinkable. Of course, going over people and being proud will put us down-- however, once you have the knowledge and wisdom with such a conflict, you will eventually be able to notice when it's necessary to pick yourself up and fight back.

If you truly are finished with life, so be it. However, it doesn't explain why you're still alive in the first place. I'm not compelling you to go and kill yourself, but I am going to say it won't be worth it.

You want to find a companion? Continue living.
You want to see a change in the world? Continue living.

Because once you die, it's all over and you're unable to see how much of a change the world has gone through.

In any case, don't worry about being unorganized. It happens to the rest of us. Do what you see is necessary, not something you want. I'm sure you'll come up with a mature enough decision.