[Asami]

Sorry if this will be a little rant but this is a set up for my question.

So one of my brother likes to take things without asking. And honestly I wouldn't even be bothered if he asked like "hey Hannah can I borrow your kh game?" I would easily say yes. But he never asks. He just walks into my room and takes it and then I look for it and cant find it where im positive I left it then I go on a frantic search for it and end up making a huge mess. It always makes me feel so anxious when I "loose" something. Like if I cant find it I I search for it until I get so angry I start to cry. I wish he'd ask to borrow stuff. It probably the most annoying thing anyone in this house does. I feel like nothing is safe. And everytime something like that goes missing my mind immediately goes to him. I feel horrid when I find it because its bad that I automatically accuse him. But its hard not to when I know he has a tendancy to steal others things. I also get really scared when I feel like he took something. Because he usually brings it to a friends house and either leaves it there or sells it! (What we assume. Lots of our Dvds have gone missing and we know he had them) hes also a kind of pathological liar. So again we never know if what he says is the truth. Hes even lied about the silliest things.

So here's my question
how should I tell him to stop taking my things and just ask? I don't want to sound like a jerk. I legitly will let him borrow anything of mine because he is a good person no matter what his faults are.
Is there a way to get him to ask instead of take?
What are your thoughts. @-@ I literally am not good at confronting people. So this will probably be something very hard for me to do. But is it okay for me to do this?

I just want him to ask permission. ;n; is that too much?

Sorry if I that was kind of all over the place.

[littl3chocobo]

i know someone like that and my only defense is to keep things i dont want taken hidden and not sweat when the rest disappears, i lost so many games and a few other things it is not even funny but it causes less animosity and fights if it cannot be taken or if it is let go


not sure that will help you though since the one who'd steal from me mostly kept it to games and stuff

[Asami]

Well I honestly don't mind him borrowing as long as he asks.
I want to know how to get him to ask not how to hide my stuff

[littl3chocobo]

i could never figure that one out in 8 years

[Asami]

Well half the time he asks but I want him to ask everytime.
I want to make it clear it is /not/ okay to just take something
I:
I really need advice.

[Dawn]

You should make it clear that if he wants something that is not his, to ask before touching, not only does it give you a clear mind knowing where your item is but if he does take it to a friend's house or sell it, than he is the one liable replacing the item since the item was not his in the first place to sell.

And if he takes an item again without asking, threaten to call the police cause that is stealing and he needs to learn that his actions has consequences. And if he takes from his family, he could be taking from friends or worse, he could form the habit of just taking items from shops! Nip it in the bud before he does something he's not going to be able to easily walk away from..

And if you know what type of items he usually takes, I agree with Choco, either find a spot you can hide it or if worse comes to worse, since I'm not sure if the KH you are preferring to is the Gameboy or PS one, I would invest either in an CD storage wallet or Gameboy cartridge case and place all your loved games in there than put the wallet in your purse or backpack that you keep with you at all times. Only leave the items you don't care about if they go missing, out in the open. Gradually when your brother sees that the items he wants are not easily accessible, he will start requesting permission to borrow or learn to save up and get his own.

[Umaeril]

I agree with Dawn I was about to set out and write the same thing. However, I did read your statement about not being confrontational and the above advice is probably going to make you uncomfortable due to confrontation.

Sounds to me like you have some PTSD about this. He comes into your territory without asking and takes your stuff. You are obviously anxious about it and you say you search for things and that "I cant find it I I search for it until I get so angry I start to cry".

Sounds a little like PTSD. You have the frightening thoughts. You have some physical symptoms like crying. You have some of the avoidance aspects. Idk but you could have PTSD. Is this your older brother? Has he ever hit you or abused you in any way?

This is not your fault. If you have PTSD about this, that would explain a lot. You should give yourself permission to tell him to stay away from your things. Dawn has made some good suggestions. Keep what you value close to you at all times. Get a lock on the door to your room. It is inappropriate for your brother to be entering your room in this manner. Speak to your parents and ask for a lock for your safety and the safety of your belongings.

However, it sounds like if you could have done this you would have done this already. Do you have access to any money? Storage space or a locker somewhere. A lockbox can be easily broken into. But really Asami you should not have to worry about your belongings. I think this is a form of abuse, don't stand for it.

[Asami]

Guys guys guys... it seems you've misunderstood ;n;
(I feel like sawako now //shot)

Gah.I do not want tocarry around my games everywhere. You know how easily things get stolen by people you /don't/ know? I don't want to have something important in my bag always and have it taken by a completr stranger who will /never/ return it. I want it on my shelf where it belongs unless its in use
Again. I have. No. Problem. With him using them. I just want to get him to ask. Nor will I call the police on him. Its not /that/ big of an issue to call the cops.


Uma.I:
Ptsd? Nonono you're misunderstanding.
I only worry because I don't want to forever loose an important item. As stupid as it sounds I love my games. Especially ones friends gave me or my bf got me. I treasure them.

As for the crying.
I cry when I loose ANYTHING.
Lanyard for school? Cry.
random shirt? Cry
Stuff animal? Cry

I just get so frustrated! And anxious? I guess
Its hard to explain this.
Like I feel despair. Like... I think "oh god ill never find it"
lately ive been working on it
like if I loose something I try to shrug it off. But its hard to not search frantically and cry.
Its not ptsd of any sort. If anything its just my crazy hormones at work?
Idk maybe im crazy in general.

As for the lock business. My parents will never allow that
they believe that if I have a lock on my door
it will provide a way for me to do (and this is a direct quote) "creaky things with your boyfriend" u.u
no. I just want privacy. I want to be able to change clothes without having to worry about someone busting in (which happens all the time)

I think you've just misunderstood me totally.
I just need a way to tell him to ask.
I really don't know how to.

[hyjin]

Well i intend my brother to take my games and play them without asking or informing me. That is what younger siblings do dear. I would say ask him to put the game back where he found it once he is done playing it. That is what i told my brother and he either hands it to me or places it on my night stand.

[Asami]

-.- but hes my older brother
not a younger sibling.

[Asami]

Guys im just closing this.
Nothing has been helpful.
Im sorry I wasn't clear enough on what I wanted advice about.