[woopdidoodoo]

so I'm feeling the need to kinda rant again I guess... I've been diagnosed with bipolar rapid cycling disorder. It sucks. I can have major highs and majors lows all during a day. This week alone I've been in a hypermanic state for four days! meaning in the hyperstate I only got 6 hours sleep, longest one yet usually they last a day. I'm only starting to feel "normal" again now.

I can't seem to get a balance I either sleep too much (when I'm depressed) or not enough lol at least I can do stuff when I'm in a hypermanic phase so I kinda prefer those than the depressed states. I don't do crazy stuff luckily I'm quite sensible usually I just tire myself out by hours of cleaning and doing stuff around the house.

I just feel like it all gets too much for me sometimes you know? like I'd rather curl up in bed then face anything but I get up, and feed my furbabies, and be with my other half and all that jazz whilst feeling I dunno its not stressed exactly its just not well if that makes sense.

Anyway anyone else feeling like stuff is too much for them? will share moral support :)

[littl3chocobo]

well i am just a garden-variety bipolar but i understand what you are saying exactly, in the span of a wee i can go from euphoric to manically depressed and i can sleep for fifteen hours and be tired then go a few days on four to six at most. the best you can do is enforce a schedule and do your damnedest to keep to it

*offers support*

[woopdidoodoo]

oh Choco didn't know you were bipolar *shakes head* I don't think there's tooo much difference really just that my psychiatrist says that mine is harder to diagnose for some reason. Its really hard sticking to a routine though lol but I enrolled in school this year and I think that's helped me with a schedule and making sure I get up and look after myself. It's only three half days a week but its enough. *Hugs*

[littl3chocobo]

yeah, it makes it so i am apathetic to death but still in love with life XD makes for a veeeery interesting perspective on the world and i hear i am as much a buzzkill as i am a one-man party

even more than that dear, i mean a real tough one with a million steps, it helps even out some of the rougher waves when you dont have more than an hour at a stretch to get caught up in your head

[woopdidoodoo]

Choco I'm exactly like that too! like I can be I don't give one fuck to the world but still get excited about the littlest thing!! rofl.

Yeah its why I've got my furbabies if I didn't have them I wouldn't have to stay awake as much through the day.

Can I ask if your on medication? I've tried mood stablizers but they don't seem to go too well for me, I don't tolerate those kinda drugs currently I'm just on luvox for the depression.

[littl3chocobo]

well, i have an anxiety issue(moderate which means functioning but not always well) and well to be frank it made me not give two-fucks about anything(kinda like a mental neutering) so no, i dont take any meds and havent for years but eating healthy and taking lots of vitamins(not drugs, vitamins) so so much to help, granted when my diet slips i get a little funky upstairs ^^; buuuut it works really well when i keep up on it and i don't have to read thse scary labels that read 'warning may lead to increased thoughts of suicide' noone has ever died from too much vitamin c

[woopdidoodoo]

Choco I have read a lot about people with bipolar being off meds when they are eating healthy. I'm trying to get healthy its just I'm a tad lazy really if I'm honest. I like the easy stuff rofl.

I'm hoping he wont prescribe me a moodstablizer because last time I was on one (epilim) it ended up inducing me to go into a psychosis where I was talking to a tree for two hours (and hearing voices back) so lol not trusting of meds really.

[Nexess]

I know similar feelings as well but I have a mood disorder where I can bbe perfectly energetic and happy and then an hour later I hate basically everyone and just want to sleep and ignore the world. It gets really bad in the winter because I have blood pressure problems, so I get cold easily, meaning I can't just go for a walk or hike, which is normally what I do when my mood is really unbalanced.

Add to that my anxiety problems and sometimes I'll just have a full blown freak out or blank state, a blank state is where I'll just be completely zoned out of the world and I can be really difficult to talk to.

I agree that trying to stick to a routine is a good idea, it's what I normally do a well, it helps for the most part, just because most of the time when I'm doing something my brain just turns off and I focus my attention just on whatever it is.

[littl3chocobo]

well if you are lazy then i say take those swallowable vitamins, d3 is your best friend. it is the stuff you get from sunshine and is a mood-booster in the most basic sense

man, i have done blank-out before, i usually go mute and wont talk make noise or sometimes even be able to open my mouth and i will just be all silent and whispy ^^;

[woopdidoodoo]

ooh Nexess yeah walking generally does help, just when I'm feeling dead tired I'm all meh rofl, Nexess I have zoned out states too my other half calls me Daisy cow lol meaning I'm dazed when I'm like that, and slow to answer. Its just sometimes I prefer being alone and rather not talk...

I'm like that also I'll focus on what I'm doing, I don't think about other things and people can talk to me and sometimes I wont hear them just cause I'm doing that something lol.

Choco yeah I am already on multivitamins plus a high dose of vit d and calcium as I also have hyperparathyroidism (diagnosed by specialist) meaning I don't absorb calcium or vit d naturally.

[Nexess]

Walking is the best thing for me, I live really close to the river so I just go along the river trail and back again, it's so nice to just not be around people.

My blank outs are usually later at night, like 11pm - 3am, and I'll literally be sitting here on the computer and just staring at a wall for a good hour, I leave alot of people hanging on skype sometimes...

The only problems with being so focused on something is when you're at work and need to pay attention to customers, or you're trying to focus and a customer will come up and just mess it all up on you.

[littl3chocobo]

dang, well my skin cant absorb d3 but i can take it in well enough

oooh, so lucky<3 i would like to live by a river

[Nexess]

It's really nice to live by the river, I'm a few streets in from it but it'd snowed alot this year so flooding is a worry right now, since we're finally thawing!

[littl3chocobo]

i used to live on a lake but the flooding only ever moved up a few feet, is it really bad where you live?

[woopdidoodoo]

So I'm out of the cycling I was in thank goodness, am feeling much more stable at the moment. Hopefully will last a few days. My sleep has gotten better too as of late. The cooler weather has helped that as well just finished summer.

[Umaeril]

Hiya Woop, sorry to hear you are rapid cycling, that sounds like it would be disturbing. I am glad to hear though that you are feeling more stable. Meds perhaps doing the trick?

Yeah idk I was diagnosed as bipolar (one hypomanic episode, major depressive episode) but I just do not know about that. I have not had hypomanic episodes since then I think, but I guess I am. However, I am stable and euthymic as they say. I am not sure how I would do OFF of meds as I do have a generalized anxiety order. I do not get panic attacks luckily.

Overall, it sucks to be on meds and it rather sucks to be called something that I don't think I really am. I think I would know if I were bipolar and "bipolar" sometimes seems a catch-all for the usual transient ups and downs that people have which is what I think I have. I will grant that I was really depressed but that was a few years ago. And I do admit that I was hyper for a bit, maybe twice actually, but I was not out of control hyper, just bought too much and was too intense. Maybe I am mildly bipolar but maybe I am not. o_O

Thanks for letting me ramble about it.