[McSwiggins]

Recently my friend has found out my English name (Shamus is Gaelic for James). It was no secret but I told her not to call me James. I have beef with a guy named James, so I do not wish to be called the name of evil. She has been having a hard time with this though. Thats all she's been calling me. I wish she could have enough respect for me to not call me James.

Disclaimer: Me telling you my English name is NOT me giving you permission to call me James. Please continue to call me Shamus.

[Tohopekaliga]

...that's weird. Different nationality versions of the same name are still different names.


If I were you, I'd probably respond to her saying "James" by calling her something different. A foreign version of her name if you know one, or just something off the wall. Agatha, perhaps.

[Espy]

Wow that's...really disrespectful. (I feel you; I have to deal with people using the incorrect pronouns to refer to me even after I've informed them otherwise.)

[Kaderin Triste]

Did she call you Shamus before? Because if so, she is not "having a hard time with this", she is being incredibly and deliberately rude and disrespectful.
Because if I found out that a friend's English name was different than the "foreign" one the introduced themselves as and I had been calling them, I would still call them by the name they introduced themselves as. Although I might, out of curiosity, inquire about their name preference in the "why x name instead of y name" type.

[Glitch]

My friend's brother was named Sasha as they were from Russia. He went by Alex because in Russian it is for Alexander. People would tease him mercilessly when they found out his name was Sasha. It was always a rude thing to call him by the version he didn't like, there was no niceness intended.

Now, I have many friends that have "con" names and I do struggle sometimes when people switch those around. Like Daniel goes by Borneo but I met him as Borneo so it is natural to call him Borneo. I cosplayed as Mugen one time and people decided to call me Mugen because it was easier to call me by my costume name than my name, this stuck like glue and I have spent 10+ years making sure nobody calls me that. It had gotten so bad people thought it was my name.

Anyway, rambling, it is difficult but you have to stand your ground and not talk to people if they insist on being rude. You could tell her that she can hang out with you when she can remember your name.

[Coda]

I've not had that particular problem. I've had people call me Coda IRL, but that's totally fine with me -- even my wife called me Coda for the first couple years!

But just because I've not had the experience doesn't mean I don't sympathize. Self-identification is a pretty basic thing, and while it's understandable that transition periods might take some time, it doesn't sound like this is a transition period.

[littl3chocobo]

i have a problem like that with a family member who'll change what they refer to my gender as based on how i dress(in this case calling me 'she' or 'her' when i wear my skirts but not when i wear jeans and a buttonup). the best you can do is curbstomp any and all politeness and directly tell this person that if she continues to insult you in this way that you are more than willing to end this relationship. what she is doing is a breech of etiquette that demands immediate action

[Espy]

Coda -- You and Suze have the same first name, right? Or was that someone else...hm.

Cho -- Ick, seriously? -shudders- (Incidentally, what are your pronouns?)

EDIT: NEVERMIND CODA I LIED

[Lawtan]

I find your friend to be rather silly-in-the-head to be doing that, Shamus. I am sorry they are like that. *hugs*

Sort of put up with it myself (not that that is a good thing...but its safer to do that right now)

[Coda]

Originally Posted by Espy

Coda -- You and Suze have the same first name, right? Or was that someone else...hm.

Cho -- Ick, seriously? -shudders- (Incidentally, what are your pronouns?)

EDIT: NEVERMIND CODA I LIED

I don't even know what Suze's first name is. XD

[Ginger]

Wow, yes that is rude.

Same thing goes on with me and my family. My old nickname was Mandy until the eighth grade, then I started preferring to be called by my real name. People tend to emphasize the "Man" in Mandy, and I really hated it. Everyone at school referred to me by my real name, but my family never caught on. They still call me Mandy and I have to reiterate in my mind who it is they're referring to. My boyfriend refers to me by my real name and they think it's "cute", but it's my preferred name. I shudder whenever they call me Mandy and I think they do it deliberately, considering the past I've had with them. I've told them several times that I haven't gone by Mandy in the past 10 years, however they never catch on.

[Potironette]

That's rude of them. Odd too. Why would a person call someone by another name especially if they learned a name they weren't even used to?

[Fulkth]

Why not just officially change your name to Shamus?

[Moonshadow]

@Shamus: have you explained that it is distasteful to you to be called by that name that shall not be named (btw that is my favorite name for a boy) anyway, so she may not be trying to be cruel at all.

I know someone who is a driver, well he gave me his card once and on the front was his name "Jim ..(actually the name you don't want to hear) anyway on the back of the card it said DRIVER. Well I am bad with names so I started calling him Driver. Recently I thought I should ask him if he minds, and when I did he said no, not at all that he loved it. I was glad, I did not want him to think I was being disrespectful.

People should be called, whatever they choose. Everyone has the right to that, to be who they want to be, to be addressed the way they want to be addressed. Anyone who has an issue with that is just being a big asswipe!

[McSwiggins]

Toho: It is weird, its like calling my Japanese ex wife Iris because thats what Ayame means.
Agatha is perfect.

Espy: For future reference, what pronouns should I use for you?

Kaderin: You're right. She really is being deliberately disrespectful towards me.
Curiosity is fine and I would have no problem explaining things but for me, the deal is, you have to still go by my wishes and call me my prefered name after. Only fair right?

Glitch: Poor kid.
Ah, well if you met him as his cosplay name, I can understand why you have difficulty.
Do people still call you by that name?
I will put my foot down next time I talk to her because I know it will happen.

Coda: Did you meet your wife online? :O
Its not a transition period, its just a fact she found out and refuses to stop saying.

Chocobo: You're right and I am going to. Its not funny. I never found it funny and I want it to stop.
Also, for future reference, what pronouns should I use for you?

Lawtan: Why is it safer?

Ginger: Dang. I'm sorry your family still calls you Mandy. I have a daughter who came out as transgender and changed her name from Jason to Jaden and while I will admit it was difficult for me to stop calling her the name I was used to and switch to her prefered name, I did because I love and respect her. Not saying your family doesnt love and respect you.

Potironette: It really is odd. I am not sure why she is doing this. It doesnt make sense...she's weird.

Fulkth: I think you misunderstood the situation. My birth name is Shamus. She just found out that it means James in Gaelic as a fact one day and now is relentlessly calling me James.

Moonshadow: Lol you called him Driver? I like how he liked it.
I think she is doing it on purpose but I could ask.

[Coda]

Originally Posted by Shamrock Shamus

Coda: Did you meet your wife online? :O

Yes, I did! :D

Its not a transition period, its just a fact she found out and refuses to stop saying.

That's what I thought, so that's just... bizarre.