[Meizicht]

I can't call a hotline for this, because if I do, it'll wake up my parents, and I don't want them to know about this. They have enough to worry about.
Anyway, I just need distractions to keep me from thinking about all my self-loathing and such. I won't do anything stupid and drastic, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it, and I hate thinking about it. I hate sitting here at rock bottom, so I just need to think about and talk about fun things.
Maybe rp some, if someone wants to.
Or just rant a little.
I just really need anything to take my mind off myself, what I'm feeling and the thought of my wasting space and "I should probably"s. It makes me feel stupid just admitting I think these things.
This is not me attention whoring. I don't want to talk much about everything that's causing this. I just want to stop feeling like this for a while.
Please. I'll beg if I need to. =/
If you have any advice on how to shut off these thoughts without having to talk to people about it, please share them too. Talking about them chased a good amount of my friends off, so it's not an option. I don't have money for a therapist either.
So.. if nothing works, Idk. I can't really say what I think right now because it's all influenced by all this.
I need distractions, basically. Please.

Please delete this thread. OTL