[Tsukimiya]

Life has always been hard on me but I've always adapted. I've never really considered myself depressed. Going through a rut maybe but nothing serious, even while I was living in my car.
The last couple years, things has turned around. I had a decent job that paid well. Got an apartment and was going on vacations and buying things I want. Overall, I was enjoying life.
This past month, it seems like my entire life is being shattered. I had recently change jobs due to collapse in management from previous employer. The new employer was decent but I hated the job. I woke up every morning with knots forming in my stomache. I had anxiety attacks at my desk where I would sit at my desk and had the overwhelming feeling of being trapped. Last Monday, I decided I couldn't handle it anymore and I walked out. With no job and no savings.
I sold my xbox and tv to a pawn shop and with what little money I did have, I put towards an online course on digital marketing. I decided I will try to go into business running advertising campaigns for local businesses. My anxiety level is at a all time high since I have less than a month to generate some income to pay rent. And there's a chance my business venture will fail.
But a new sensation has enveloped me this entire pas week. I at times felt sick to my stomach but its not a physical sick. Its as if something is missing, a large hole inside of me. And it gets so much harder getting out of bed. My dishes are not being done, my laundry is is critical status, my broom is neglected. Not because of laziness but because I feel physically drained without really being tired. Friday night and Saturday I spent with close friends and these feelings melted away and I felt at ease. But I'm back home and it has hit me like a truck again. At times I feel like crying. Its overwhelming and I feel helpless.
I've seen memes about crippling depression and always found humor in them. But if this is depression, it's not a laughing matter.

/end rant

[Den]

Get yourself to a mental health professional ASAP. What you're experiencing sounds scarily like what I deal with (Depression and Anxiety) on a daily basis. The sooner you get help for it, the better off you'll be, and the less likely it'll spiral and snowball.

[mdom]

Having depression for years, the fun in those memes to me is more finding people to connect with you, who feel the same. Every day I play the game 'is this depression or laziness?' and it absolutely sucks. I agree with Den, look for treatment asap.

[Espy]

I meant to comment yesterday but wasn't feeling mentally up to it. Still not, really, but yep, sounds familiar.

[Den]

Trust me on that... I let stuff get really bad for various reasons (including not knowing who or where to go to get the help), and at one point, I was having suicidal idealizations. I even had a plan for how.

I'm doing better, because I spoke up and got the help I needed. I still have really bad stretches, but they're no longer months-long, they're usually only a few days at most. With a combination of therapy and medication, I've gotten to the point where I can pretty accurately tell if I'm just having a really bad few days, or if it's a depressive episode trying to take me down.

The anxiety, for me, at least, is usually worse at night, especially if my sleep pattern gets interrupted. But sometimes, unexpected, totally random things, like having my glasses on my face, will set off an anxiety attack. I have a harder time ID-ing those instances, but I am working on it.

Ten months ago, I wouldn't have been able to function very well, and couldn't look to the future. Today, I am able to go about basic day-to-day things, and I'm back to planning for future shenanigans, and the possibility of going back to college to earn a degree in Graphic Design and/or other types of Art. All of that is because I got help.

My only regret is not getting help sooner.

[Coda]

To me that sounds like a neurological reaction to prolonged stress. If you're lucky, it's not depression yet, but if you don't do something to bring stability back into your life it could easily become depression or PTSD or some similar disorder. This is what happened to me and I lost a job at one of the most prestigious companies in the world because of it.

So to echo everyone else in the thread: Seek help.

[Tsukimiya]

Its hard to find help. I have no job and no money and no insurance
But hopefully before the month is up I'll find something. Its going to be hard to bounce back. Not thinking clearly because of depression and desperation, I sunk everything into this online course and have to pay 500 a month for it now.
Turns out its not really what I thought it would be, its another one of those "Pay me to learn how to get rich" things and it turned out to be a cold calling sort of job to try to sell advertising.

[Den]

Apply for your state's medicaid. Mental health services are covered. *speaking from personal experience*

[Coda]

Talk to the company offering the class and see if you can weasel your way out of it. Tell them you're in financial hardship and can't afford the payments.

Better yet, if you want to toss me a link to the course's website and the sign-up agreement, I can see if I can find a good argument for you to present.

[Tsukimiya]

Originally Posted by Coda

Talk to the company offering the class and see if you can weasel your way out of it. Tell them you're in financial hardship and can't afford the payments.

Better yet, if you want to toss me a link to the course's website and the sign-up agreement, I can see if I can find a good argument for you to present.

They don't have my bank account, only my card info. I could just call the bank and get new card with new card number

[Coda]

Originally Posted by Tsukimiya

They don't have my bank account, only my card info. I could just call the bank and get new card with new card number

Nooo, don't do that. That'll just get them sending collectors after you for failing to pay your bills, and then they'll stack interest and fines on top of it when they do find you.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Depression is difficult. I put off doing anything about mine for a decade as I kept telling myself that I was just bummed at the time, and it would go away once things got better. It took crashing and burning through 3rd year uni to get myself up and organized.

I've spoken with shrinks and had some group therapy, and I'm on meds now. Some meds are temporary, but it keeps coming back for me so just stay on them. I look at my depression now as a medical concern like the others I have. If I start getting sad for no reason, or just feel 'off' I accept that I'm not having a good day and my depression is acting up.

Looking at it like a physical illness helps me deal with it. "My brain chemistry is being weird right now, it's not my fault, it does that sometimes." I have anxiety issues more now and I look at it the same way. Like my bad gut, it's just something I've got.

[Den]

Originally Posted by Quiet Man Cometh

"My brain chemistry is being weird right now, it's not my fault, it does that sometimes."

THIS. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER. It is NOT your fault. Your brain is trolling you and being a jerk by not making enough neurotransmitters. And if your brain isn't making enough neurotransmitters, store-bought or prescribed is fine, too.