[Pinkie]

Well as some know pinkie has hit a tough spot in her life. So many things are happening at this moment and none of them are good. Well let me start from the begining...

All my life I learned it was easier to please others then to stand and fight back. So that's what I did. I went out of my way to make others happy when I myself was miserable. It was easier to be that way with my weight and looks.

Then I met someone and things changed. For almost five years I was happy and then it all changed. The man I thought I was going to merry left me with nothing but a suitcase of clothes and some boxes of items. After five years it ended with a phone call.

Since that day we had not spoken or seen each other. Nothing happened. Then the day of our supposed to be with year anniversary out of the blue I get a message and it's from him. Wanting to go for coffee to talk. So I took the chance and did. At first I was scared and fearful on what was going to happen. After everything that has I was cautious.

Well things have changed and we are more open and kind to each other then we ever were when we were together. Tonight we has another coffee date and a heart to heart that lasted hours and ended bad. During this talk I got light touches and words as well as kisses and awkward moments of being called babe by this man that left me.

Now I am sitting here thinking about everything and I have no idea what to do. He tells me he's sorry for everything and how it ended. That he wanted things to change. I am so confused and hurt over so much its a constant headache.

What I need is advice. I want to continue UE these coffees and see him but I know its the part of me that misses him that wants this. And another part of me wants to smack him tell him to f off and move on...I really don't know what to do an no one in my real life is helping when I only hear the same heart broken answer from everyone. I need some different opinions before I loose my mind for good...

[Lawtan]

I wish I knew what was the "right" thing to do.

Are you talking over common interests oftentimes? If so, I would say focus more on that. Get to know him better through listening and observing rather than pleasing (I know, you knew him for years, but the pleasing mindset is sort of the negative part of "love is blind" from my experience.)

Other than that, I don't know. Be cautious.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

I know very little about the nit picks of romance, but I'll say you wouldn't be the first couple I've seen that make better friends than lovers. I'd say there's nothing wrong with continuing the friendship, so long as you are aware of where you want the line to be. If it's something that keeps bothering you, then it might be best to go with whatever choice makes you the most comfortable.

[Pinkie]

Lawtan: Well thats the thing...we broke up back in may of this year. We didnt talk for three months and then randomly out of no where we did. Since then we had talked and shared so many things. More so then when we were together. A heart to heart about everything made me think but then he turns around and asks me to be an F.W.B. (friend with benifits) and I didnt know how to take it. Since then we seem to be closer then ever but yet still so far apart. I am just confused about alot of things.

Quiet Man Cometh: I had that thought as well. However the conversations that we have make me think of more. The things that confuse me are how he tells me about what I need to do to change and that things are hard and blah blah blah. I just dont know what to think.

[Ginger]

Seems to me like the guy is lost. He's conflicted with commitment, but you're the one he wants to settle down with. This type of person will toy with your feelings until they find out what they really want and even then, it takes years for them to figure it out. I'd just come out and straight up ask him what his intentions are with you before even making him think that he has a second chance to be with you. That's my advice, but you'll figure out what's best for you. I've been with someone like him and I learned the hard way.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Ah, the F.W.B. thing makes a difference. If it were me, I'd shut it down right there. It's not worth the emotional hassle of not really knowing where you stand.

[Lawtan]

Yeah...I'd avoid the "friends with benefits" thing.

[Den]

What worries me is that he's telling you things YOU need to do to change. What about what HE needs to do to change?

[Lucid:]

Do NOT be a friend with benefits. That is so disrespectful of him to even ask that of you after hurting you so bad with the breakup earlier this year. I personally would cut off all contact with him after hearing that. If you want to try and continue a friendship with him, that's your call, but I think for both of your sakes you cannot let him even entertain the idea of getting back together sexually or romantically, at least for a good long while.

[Asami]

Basically he misses having sex.
Don't give that pig what he wants.
Stay the f away.
You should have slapped that sleezeball right after he suggested that shit

[Hermes]

This isn't a commitment issue. I used to have commitment issues, most men do at some point. And yes, it usually results in us trying to run away, maybe even just vanishing one day- We get scared, we think you'll hate us some day, we think we're not good enough. You ladies may not know this, but to a man who loves you? You are a divinity, he doesn't know how to understand what you do to him, but it hurts his pride, it makes him feel weak. It's dangerous to be close with someone. And we're wired to avoid danger or to destroy it, which turns us into rather self-destructive beasts. We don't always come back, either. Sometimes we hurt ourselves so deeply over what we made in our own heads, we crawl into a corner like a wounded animal and just sit there, secretly, not even known to ourselves, hoping someone will save us. Because no man ever stops being that 15 year old boy who's still scared to talk to girls (or boys, mind). Any man who says otherwise is lying, maybe even to himself.

But when we do come back? We're determined. We have a kind of conviction that you didn't see before. A man is never more serious than when he is talking about his family, at least the one he himself creates. If he looks at you in a way that comforts you, treats you like an equal, and does everything he can for your MUTUAL happiness, often putting other things on the backburner, if not off the stove entirely? That man loves you.

If he puts you above all else, including himself? He may love you, but he needs some help, because a relationship should be equal. You're nobody's lesser.

If he constantly tells you what YOU need to change, what HE wants, what YOU should be doing? He's just controlling, and may be mistaking lust for love. You need to drive him away. If you don't, he's going to think this behavior is alright ,and continue to do it.

Also...you might want to see if he's seeing anyone. I've seen it happen, time and again, guy gets in new relationship, guy gets nervous, goes bac kto previous to hook up and be "Friends With Benefits".

He's not your friend, he's not your lover, he's not your boyfriend. He's horny and confused. Even if he isn't trying to wrong you, he is, and a serious discussion needs to be had (in a public, crowded place, mind you) about it. Also, never have these kinds of talks in private with someone like this. We don't want either of you getting too emotional or doing/saying anything you would regret.

If after said talk, he seems angry, or disappointed, or he just keeps telling you you don't get it, or you need to change, or my favorite "I'm working on it, just trust me okay?" just leave. You don't need him, and he obviously doesn't need you.

I don't care who you are, you're worth more than some coffee and a quickie.

So let me ask you Pinky. Is coffee and some nostalgia all it takes to get to you, or are you gonna be worth more than that?

[HABIT]

I would be very careful, maybe even break off the friendship if he gets too grabby or kissy.