[Xun]

No, it's not for me. It's for some family members on my mother's side of the family.

SO...! The economy is going topsy-turvy and my grandparents are deciding to go back to the Philippines to stay there. There's a problem. Well, more but they're not necessary to talk about.

So my grandparents are going back to the Philippines. ...Where's that going to leave my auntie, her boyfriend, and a bunch of children? Pretty much out on the street if they don't get their act straight. I'm guessing some of the kids will be living with my folks, but that's just it. What would happen to my aunt? My grandparents offered to help her, but she refused. From what I've heard from my little brother who have been living with these folks is that she was betting on sports games just to get more money.

...really?

Now, don't get me wrong. I can understand where my aunt is coming from-- not wanting to accept help because my grandparents are already too old to be helping her and it should be my aunt helping them. But there are even times where one should be able to accept help from parents, no matter what age.

So, here's my question. IN GENERAL, not just in this type of situation. Why are people not fond of getting help from parents? Is it because they want to prove a point? In a way, I just won't get it. I've been in a situation where I wanted to prove my parents wrong and show them I didn't need help, but I've come to a realization that there will be times in life where I would have to go to them and ask. *is 21 and proud of it, kk*

So, why is it that people just can't accept help from parents, let alone get help from other people in general?

[Lauv Keiko]

(( I didn't know your grandparents live in the philippines, or have you mentioned that to me before? [[im from the phils you see xD ]] are you half-filipino?))

well, to answer your question... I kinda feel a little uneasy when I ask help from my parents since I already have a job and capable of helping myself.
However when I know I can't handle it, I ask for their help ^^

[Xun]

((You are lauv? That's awesome OAO Actually, I'm full Filipino. I'm just living in the US. lol Don't know how to speak Tagalog, but I want to learn it cause my hubby wants to get married in the Philippines <:'D ))

Yeah, I can understand where you're coming at with having a job and being able to take care of yourself. That's something I'm okay with. For my aunt, she actually has a job, but it doesn't pay enough to let them pay rent for the house, get food for the kids, get gas for the car, etc.

...Should've mentioned that beforehand. Whoops

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Some people may not want to ask for or accept help because to them it might feel like a failure on their part not to be able to handle whatever situation it is by themselves. In cultures where individual effort is praised, it can feel shameful to ask for help. Also, if one person felt that they were smothered by other people and not allowed to make choices for themselves, then they may want to hold onto that independence more fiercely, and asking for help may feel like stepping back into old ways.

It really depends on the mentality of the person but I think it's not unusual for people to feel ashamed, embarrassed, or feeble if they need to get help from others.

Sometimes, accepting help from other people is something that people need to learn, especially if they grew up in a family where they may not have been able to rely on other people for help. Some people might refuse help as a sort of knee-jerk reaction to being asked, but then may realize later that they do need it and feel too bad about it to ask again when they've already refused. Accepting that you need help, also means acknowledging that you are having trouble and some people might be too proud to admit that, or be too afraid of what other people might think of them to admit it, to themselves or to others.

Does that help at all? Asking for and accepting help is something that has come up in the mental health support groups that I've been a part of now and them. It's not a rare thing to have a hard time with it.

[Xun]

Not to boast about myself, but I knew about all that. The problem I have is making assumptions and then getting corrected for what I thought about. I wanted to hear what others had to say. You pretty much put it in a nutshell, Quiet. Thank you. And yes, it does help. '^'

[Quiet Man Cometh]

You're welcome, and yeah, I can understand that. I get times where I ask someone a question and then, in the process of explaining it to the other person, end up answering it or working it out for myself, and they don't necessarily have to say anything.

[Yokuutsu]

Well, I know if I ever get a job and move out, I'd avoid asking my mother for help at any cost. I'd rather beg anyone else in my family, but my mother is the one I can't get her to buy body wash or a dollar bottle of shampoo when I need it -.-

So I'd rather die than ask her for help because (if I ever get out) she'd just say no and tell me to go fuck myself pretty much, or lord it over me until either she or I die.

So there's another side for you. (Isn't it just pleasant?)

[Lauv Keiko]

Yep, yes I am xun. <3 YOUR HUBBY? wait, what? are you like... female in rl?? o3o

[Xun]

@Yokuutsu: Well, I can see where you're coming from. So it's understandable.

@Lauv: So sorry about the late reply! ...And yes, I'm a woman irl. |D6

[Ginger]

For me, accepting help means having to deal with people holding that over my head. I do not ask for anything unless it is offered to me, unless I really feel like the person will not hold it against me for asking for something at a deli. I hate being offered something and then guilt tripped for taking it. It's happened to me my whole life and currently I am at a high risk of homelessness. I'm working on getting my driver's license before I go and applying everywhere I can in the meantime to avoid that if possible. Where to next is a city of 200,000 people and more opportunity. I will have to struggle for I don't know how long until someone decides to hire me. Then, to wait for my first paycheck to find a cheap car to live in if it comes to that until I get my own place.

I can understand why your aunt doesn't want to accept help from others. She might not want the feeling of debt, and guilt as previously mentioned.

[Arikana]

I personally don't care about the pride factor involved when asking for help. That's not my biggest issue with the subject. My biggest issue is that I /worry/ too much about asking for help because I don't want to /bother/ people unnecessarily. >3> I just don't like bothering people who are busy cause I feel terribly guilty for doing so, but I know if I don't I suffer for it. I always feel like I'm waging a war with myself whenever I know I'll need to be asking for help. >.<


In regards to your aunt, she's probably just has too much self-pride to accept help from someone else. She probably wants to try and survive on her own, which is fine. But she needs to realize the futility of attempting to acquire sufficient money, to live off of, by means of a game of chance through sporting events. I highly doubt it'll come to fruition. But perhaps she needs to go through life the hard way to learn this... >3>