[Duchess]

I'm just venting right... don't really care for feedback of much as to just type out all my thoughts.

Please don't judge me or give me contrived advice, is all i ask.

I feel lonely.

You: WTF Duchess you bitch. You have a man that loves you and would chop off his hand if you just say the word.

Well.... yeh... But I still feel horrid. It's like... its not enough anymore...

You: Such a selfish whore you are.

Yes... yes I am. go fuck yourself now.
Lately he's getting on my nerves.... but for no good reason. He's just getting reeeaally clingy... and the more he clings... the more i'll pull away. Not that I don't want him... I want him so badly.. I just want him on my terms ....

You: You fucking whore....

*ignores* His pet names are getting ridiculous and VERY GRATING. I wish he'd stop calling me his " luvly luv luv of luvliness". Every time he says it, I want to punch him in the face.

You: DOMESTIC ABUSER!

FUCK OFF! *hisses*

I KNOW OK!.. i fucking know.......

I'm a cruel person.. It's just how I feel. I don't care about you... or anything. I just dont. Unless I can relate it to myself somehow.... I really dont give a damn for pitiful humans. I'ma hurt every single one of you some day.....

Not to mention I'm getting worse and worse... I feel sick and tired of everything.... of thinking. or worrying.

I'm scared? Scared of planning... scared of the future? Can't I just live freely, day to day....??? Let me breathe.... please? PLEASE??

I'm obviously relapsing into anxiety and depression by this point. I'm blaming school. Maybe it's my bipolar talking. idk....

I hate making excuses for myself. It's not school's fault, or some mental illness.... I'm just a poor excuse for a human. JUST. LIKE. THE. REST. OF. YOU.

Yeh.. YOU HEARD ME. you ALL suck... The same boat as me. Not any better. That's why I stay living.

That why I dont hurt myself.

That's why I dont want to die.

Because there's someone worse out there who deserves to die a whooooleee lot more than me. A WHOLE lot more.

I should just go on like always. Using people until I get sick of them. Like puppets, playthings, and means to an end.

You: What an evil bitch

Yep.. yep i am. =.=

[Pocket]

Can I give you a hug?

[Duchess]

yeh sure... why not =]

[Pocket]

Outside of what you posted..how are you?

[Duchess]

meh~ stressed? XD

Nothing really... just dead and bored. I need to laugh or something *buttmunches*

[Pocket]

Ummm... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeVLdCaovlA

Did this help?

[Logan]

Hubby~ i lol'ed. XD
/huggggggggggs

[Duchess]

Yeeeh~ I tend to do that no matter what i say =w=

And the kitties are cute...

They make me remember that my lil bro's rabbits were stolen today...

[Soul]

*Hugs*

I kinda understand how you feel. I was like that for almost half a year and it ended up getting pretty dangerous. Thankfully, my boyfriend, family and some friends helped me get out of it. I have to say that it's not easy to get out of that feeling, it's actually very hard, but with all the help, at least it doesn't have such effects on me anymore.

If you want to talk, though, just PM me, and I will reply as soon as possible.

[Duchess]

i'm not really interested in talking more than what i've posted here. i'm more of a rant and forget it sort of person. ^^;;

I appreciate your offer tho. =]

I'm just waay more interested in being happy atm

[Duchess]

-sigh- fuck it.

So much for being happy... I cracked. There we go.. crying buckets of tears. I probably look so fugly atm, not like thats any different from usually.

All the things that usually make me happy....... are tearing me apart. Reminding me of my failures... my failure as a human being. Why can't i do the things I want to? WHY. NOT.

Maybe I shouldnt want to do them....cause I'm a selfish ho bag. I should just be grateful. Sooooo many people worse off than me... so many people just SIMPLY worse than me. Which makes me a selfish ass bitch for wanting attention.

God I just want someone to choke me right now.. i need to feel SOMETHING... Happiness is obviously not an option......

[Yommy]

It'll get better. Go to the store early in the morning and scare a few old ladies and get a good laugh. An if they start to get pushy and try to run you down in the isles get mouthy and walk out with some Ice cream. It works for me so maybe it would you to.

[Sadrain]

I will be blunt and say: you just don't know what you want (from yourself, the people around you, etc.) and that's why you're depressed and nothing pleases you. Figure it out and then start looking for relationships of any sort; friendship, romantic or sexual.

[Duchess]

I wouldn't say that I do not know what I want. I would say that what I want and expect is TOO MUCH.

From what I've seen in my country. People are lazy and careless. It's terrible and they get noging done, yet, I keep expecting them to do better. What I want is unrealistic. But in my eyes IT SHOUlDN't be! Why can't people just commit themselves to a higher standard and attempt to be better?

I really gate it so much. I hate the fact that i'm seemingly wasting my time in this school because the world just isn't ready for me and what I want. Makes me want to just use people and manipulate them into what I want since you all are dumb dumb anyways.

[Sadrain]

If you say so. :/ \
But as for your boyfriend, it totally seems like you don't know what you want. If you want sex, then you can't have long distance relationships and you probably won't have anything romantic at this age and vica versa.

[Hermes]

Well, that was certainly an interesting read. Well, first things first.....*hugs tightly*

Second off... I can honestly say I know EXACTLY how you feel. I went the insane, "Let's just make a joke of the world" route, managed to find someone I actually find to be working towards my standards as well, that I really love, and I'm still a crazy bastard, with the "Life's a joke, nobody cares but me and her" mentality.... BUT....it doesn't have to be depressing. ^^; If you make everything kinda a joke, while still managing to to take it seriously...well, you'll either go COMPLETELY bonkers, or you could end up like me.

I don't really have much advice, at all, but I do have this: I'm going to upload some things at school tomorrow from my Flashdrive. Then, there should be hordes of love coming your way. ;3