[Suzerain of Sheol]

Hi. :)

If you have any thoughts or feedback on the event story so far, we'd love to hear them.

Keep in mind only the first part of the story has been released so far, more will be coming soon.

[Illusion]

It's much easier to read! I really appreciate that, the story is boring though. But it's only the beginning so I'm really open to the story.

[Funkduder]

It seems like a side story, for now. There may be involvement from those off-planet in the future.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

That's... food for thought. I appreciate you mentioning it, Funk. Though, this *is* something of a side-story, and we're trying to build it up to the point where it's as fleshed-out as the other storyline, what you mentioned is certainly something to think about.

[Funkduder]

I'm glad to have mentioned it, if it helps

[Suzerain of Sheol]

*pokes head in, looks around* New story comments, anyone?

[Illusion]

Still dry, it takes to long to describe actions. And like all other events, you spend to much time explaining what the characters are doing. You should be explaining how the event/world is going, remember Trisphee and the story are one, not separate. The story feels like a roleplay that I stumbled upon on while browsing through the RP forum.

Suggestions?
Explore ways to combine the Story with the site itself. (Temporary Banners? Site animation (like a dust storm?). Something! You guys spend so much time on story, but you never seem to implant the story into the site.
And speed things up, this shouldn't be a novel, nor should it be a roleplay.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Not sure what it is you're really getting at there Illusion. I'm not sure of the programming of the site or how an animation thing like you describe with the dust storms would work, or how feasible it would be so someting like that may best be left to a different thread, since it's not so much a part of the story as how we might showcase events in the future.

As for the story, things don't happen without characters acting. The world doesn't always act by itself. If we didn't describle the characters and what they do, there really wouldn't be much of a story. It sounds like what you are looking for are the bare bones of what is happening, more of a summary rather than a story at all.

What is it about the story that makes it come off as role play to you?

As for being dry, what would make it more interesting to you? This is a matter of personal taste of course, but opinions do get listened to.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Illusion, I'm honestly not sure what sort of story format you're suggesting, or how the suggestions you made would actually interact with the story rather than just being general "flavor" for the event around the site.

We would love to have art or even comic panels to go along with the story, but the fact of the matter is that we don't have the personnel resources at this time to do something like that.

As to your other comment, I am, like Quiet, confused (despite hearing it I believe 4 times now from you) how the story resembles a roleplay, when it is conceived and written holistically like any other published work of fiction.

Your complaint that it too closely resembles a novel is somewhat more appropriate, but the entire story for this event amounts to about 1.5 chapters in the average novel -- perhaps a half-hour to forty-five minutes of reading. I'll also note that we skip over large swathes of story time by doing it in this act structure. For instance, if this were a novel, perhaps as many as 10 chapters would have been devoted to the group's journey across the desert to get to the water city, during which we would see them get to know each other and grow as characters to the audience. This was entirely skipped in the event narrative, precisely to keep the story from bogging down, since it is not in fact a novel and we don't expect people to sit at their computers for hours reading it.

Backtracking a bit to your first paragraph now, it's a story, not a history text. It's character drama, through which the plot of the event is shown. This is... a pretty standard way to tell a story. I'm sorry if you don't find it personally appealing.

Thank you for commenting, though, we do take these things under advisement after each event.

[Airina]

Just wanted to say how amazing I think that the stories are so far!

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Well, that's very kind of you to say so. Thank you. :)

[Airina]

Well I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

[Rem]

Illusion, is it the fact the story is told through posts by NPCs, alternating, one after the other, that makes it feel like a roleplay to you?

[Tiva]

I love the story and the fact that you didn't give away that the sisters are the soul stones until the end adds a bit of a loop.

[Illusion]

I liked the ending of ages ago. I'm very interested to see what happens next.

Overall I'm impressed that you caught my interest at the end, even though I've been complaining about the style of writing and the pacing throughout the entire event. xD
I should just be quiet next time and wait until the end. THEN ILL COMPLAIN. Or, compliment.

[Ashy]

or just not complain :P