[Natsunaine]

So, In the tradition of my birthday failures. (All of my birthdays have had something majorly bad happen since i was about 12) A friend of mine cut his wrist open at my party in an attempt to kill himself.. I called the ambulance and he refused to go, and in our state they are not allowed to force him to go even though they know he was attempting, So i will be staying up with him all night... But I know what your'e thinking. "Natsu, this is sad by why are you leaving for a while?"

Well, In the process of all of that I had to clean his blood up, And find out he was trying to kill himself because he had done something to me he thought would make me miserable and he thought killing himself would fix it..

A little back story into my life, When I was younger, I had a girlfriend die bleeding in my arms. When I was 17, My mother tried many various ways to kill herself in an unstable condition. One of which was me waking up to her arm cut open bleeding out, and I had to hold her down and close the wound while the ambulance came... in October of my 17th year of age, My mother offically killed herself, and my father followed 2 months later... That and a sting of other people and close friends doing the same...

All of this i have struggled with for a while.. But today hit the nail on the head when I was told it was because of me... Granted I feel guilty for my parents death.. As my father left me a note saying that it was my fault...I got passed that..

But the mixture of seeing my friend die in front of me with the words of him saying it was my fault, and just a mixture of emotions from that night... Something has clicked in my mind.. I honestly do not feel the same, I feel shattered.. I feel like an empty shell.. And I will probably need time to recover from it.. As I don't want anyone to come into harm from my possible mood swings or cold attitude I think it is best i take a break from everything and try to fix myself..

Anyways... Thanks for listening.. I promise to keep in touch with those who might worry...

[Ginger]

Natsu, you have been through so much. I never realized. I'm sitting in a restaurant at 4 in the morning. I slept in my car until 2. My 8 year relationship has ended, and I will be starting school next month with no job and no home. And here you are, surrounded by people who would rather die. I feel like your friend wasn't mentally stable when he took his life. It wasn't your fault. None of it. That is a choice people make for themselves. You are mentally capable of pulling through. Seek therapy. I had a childhood therapist for 7 years and she helped me through things when my mom wasn't mentally stable, which was and still is normalcy for her. I'm not really sure what else to say, but I really empathize your situation. I can't imagine. There are people who care about you and your well-being. Don't forget about them.

[Demonskid]

I'm sorry you had to, once again, go through that. =( I wish I could help you. virtual hugs from me, hang in there k?

[Potironette]

That's a really difficult past ):
I'm sorry your birthday passed like that.

Also, it's absolutely not your fault when people try to kill themselves.

[Natsunaine]

Thanks for tge support guys...