[Espy]

I don't frequent this part of the forum, but...there're things I have to let out, so...

It's fine if you don't comment or anything; I'm doing this mostly to get stuff off my shoulders.

...Yeah.

Today my mom decided to clean my room. I've told her many times over that I like my organized mess. Her reply to that was that she pays the rent, so she'd like for the house to be as clean as possible. My counter was that the room being messy doesn't equal higher rent.

But that's not my main problem.

I'm not sure if you all can tell by my personality, but I hate it when people flip through my notebooks. My mom flipped through mine because apparently "there was a drawing on the page that was open and I wanted to know what you're doing in class." REGARDLESS. If she wants to know, she has to ask me. I'm not a kid. Those are my notebooks.

When I tell her that flipping through other people's private property is technically illegal, she says, "Ok, so sue me. I'm paying your tuition, so I've the right to go through your notebook."

...Yeah. Sure.

So she's found that I have drawings on pretty much every fourth or fifth page. And there are explicit drawings in there, too, which I was planning to get rid of the coming weekend. Obviously I denied that those were by my hand, pushing it off the a few friends who she doesn't know, but knows I teach (in terms of drawing style). And then by the time the argument gets there, she's yelling that she doesn't want me to go down the wrong path and I'm yelling that I'm not that screwed up to have explicit crap dominate my mind every single second.

Then she says I should go to art school and not major in Mech E. How many times have I told her that that's a freaking possibility? I've also told her that art school would have to wait until after I finish college and major in Mech E, so that I've a solid foundation and won't have too many issues with a steady income. It's a bit late to tell me to go to art school, don't you think?! I don't have a portfolio, it was the first idea you turned down, it's not my first choice, the deadline's already past. And she tells me I should finish freshman year and transfer to art school, and forget about Mech E.

Ok. I'm not sure this is obvious, but...art and Robotics are both very, very important to me.

Art...if I don't draw, I'm like a timed bomb. And you don't want to know what happens when that bomb goes off. Just because my notebooks have a ton of drawings in them, it doesn't mean that drawing is causing my grades to drop. Don't. Make. Assumptions.

I hate it when people can't respect why I draw. I don't care so much for the drawing themselves; people can hate on those all they want. But drawing is a way of life for me. It's how I get my ideas out.

I try to tell mom that most of those drawings were done at lunch, for the sake of calming her down. That...didn't work. Instead she yells at me, "Why don't you do homework, then? Everyone else, everyone who actually works hard unlike you, they all grab as much time as they can to do homework and study!"

...Lunch is my only break. Forty minutes. When else does she expects me to draw?

"Ok, fine! Then you can draw, starting now, and just keep drawing until the end of summer! You don't even need to do any homework!"

And then she storms out of the house. And turns her phone off after a few more calls. I'm really worried about her for a few certain reasons, one of which is my last three words, "I hate you."

...Yeah.

I don't know.

My dad understands, a least a bit, I think, as to what I'm trying to get through to my mom.

...I really don't know anymore. Before my dad called, I had taken all my more inappropriate drawings, scribbled black ink over most of them, and tried to burn them. Just one sheet nearly set off the fire alarm, so I contented myself with soaking the rest and ripping them up, then setting the mess down on the kitchen counter with the burnt one one top.

......I seriously don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm scared shitless of fire, so...I don't know why I did that.

I'm still really worried about my mom.

......

I don't want to call her, but I need to know if she's okay, and her phone's off, and I don't know what to do.

[Trakadon]

My mom is the same way. We ended up having a fight like you and yours did and after we both cooled down and sat down to talk about it see understood that my privacy was important. Granted see still comes into my room without knocking and takes random things but at least she doesn't go through my drawers anymore and she at least tells me that she needs something before taking ( most of the time )

The point is you two just need to sit down and talk it over when she comes back. You also have to understand that mothers tend to be rather... nosey when it comes to their children.

Just give it some time Espy and remember its both your fault and hers so you aren't totally blameless. Just try and remember, Moms aren't people... They are Moms. Their logic is ungraspable

[Daring Scylla]

first of all, I'm REALLY sorry that happened to you. I wish Steam were on to advise you because she could write the BOOK on crazy moms who don’t respect your space or sketchbooks or scholarly chaos in your room.
first, your mum's going to get all up in your stuff. unless they have no cares for you at all that's how mothers work. its just in their BRAAAAAAINS. you need to get used to that.
second dont take it lying down. explain (NICELY!) that you like your personal space and it really drives you up the wall when people get in your stuff without asking. even if she's your mom, say that ANYONE going through your stuff drives you up the wall. try to phrase it so she specifically doesn't sound/feel like the problem so she won't get defense.
third - you might no like this. but. apologize. say you're sorry for saying the angry things you did, and hten explain to her what made you say them so she doesn't write it off as angst or some rubbish.
it's a tense situation to be sure, like. you need to have patience and consideration towards her feelings... and accept that she's going to be nosy and have bass-ackwards logic because she's your mum. Moms do that. and good luck.

[Espy]

...Thanks so much, guys :) I'd...reply to everything, but...yeah.

My brain might implode if I try to think about this too deeply again.

I finally called her; she's okay, so I told Dad that her phone's on. -sigh of relief-

[Daring Scylla]

Well if this just happend remember to give yourself time to cool off. if you keep dwelling on it then it might eat you up and make the situation worse for you. find something that makes you relax and work at it for a while, chill out, be calm. don't rush into it. the gods know that won't work - never has for me, isn't working right now. but good luck to you :>

[Tiva]

*hugs Espy* Do what makes you happy, if both make you happy minor in Art in college and do it.
I understand that you are both upset with and worried about her but let her calm down. People say a lot of things when they are mad, and she needs to cope with the fact that you are an adult now and you are growing up. My mother had the same problem with me when I was going to college but it was about where I wanted to go not what I wanted to do.
It will sort itself out eventually but you both need to talk, be it emails texts or face to face.
As for your drawings..... it makes me sad that you destroyed them, art is sacred, but if it makes you feel better than so be it. *hugs* I hope you are okay Espy.

[Espy]

Art is sacred, and those were decently drawn, too, and I have never thrown away any of my art before, but...those weren't as good as my more-decent drawings and were more disposable to use as a message to my mom.

I can't minor in art; that and Mech E are way too different and the amount of classes would probably be hell.

[Tiva]

*forgets what school you are going to* Art Minors aren't that hard You could even turn it into a drafting minor so you can tie it in to Mech E, like designing robots and parts.

[Espy]

Carnegie.

Actually, that's a good idea, although I'm still likely to minor in Robotics and keep drawing as a hobbie. Hopefully I'll be a bit better at time management when my parents aren't lurking around every other corner.

[Tiva]

Yeah *hugs* But double minor is an option also, as long as you are happy. I will drive up to Pittsburgh if I have to.

[Espy]

Bahaha. Every weekend: TIVAAAAAA. CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK?!

[Tiva]

Woman I have Skype for that... Also if Alpha lets me I will be applying to a school close to you.... then I will make you share an apartment with me *laughs evilly*

[ettah]

"explicit" as in nude?
man all i draw are females and they're usually nude.
And i hang them all over my walls ahaha.
nothing wrong with a little nudity, the human body is beautiful.
as for her cleaning up, my parents pay for my tuition, and if they go through my room they know i'm just going to blame them for losing my stuff when they put it somewhere and i cant find it.
which is why they stopped cleaning for me.
ahaha worked well. :3

[Espy]

Well, everything's settled down by now, but no, I meant explicit as in...

...having sex.

[Tiva]

*now really wants to see Espy's naughty art now*

[Delicious Nightmare]

Um wow, yeah.. Um. Just do what you like. And as for you mom. She's a mom. She wants you happy. And to not go through what maybe she went through. Um you might want to sit down and try to talk again. Tell her your feelings.