[Tears]

It's been a while since I've been on Trisphee, and I regret to say that one of the first things I do is to present yet another one of my problems to the community.

Obsession runs in my family, which I'll try not to talk too much about. I've been bullied all through out my childhood, by "friends" and classmates and my own parents and grandparents. I have, like, no sense of too-much-information boundaries and it makes me uncomfortable that I might make others uncomfortable. But the main thing here is my obsession problem.

When I was 5-8, my parents often took me to my father's cousin's house, where she had two daughters, both older than me. They bullied me verbally and physically, calling me names and biting me. My parents never believed me when I ran crying to them, and they always said the girls were playing and getting too carried away. The girls would play innocent and cried as I accused them of their crimes.

Years later, I still obsess about getting revenge on those girls. Almost anything could trigger me into thinking up plans to hurt them the way they hurt me. I never dared carried out my plans, because my mother would slap me if I tried to intimidate another kid. My family and I moved away, so now I don't have to deal with those girls and the obsession about revenge slowly died away.

However, there's a more recent bully I'm obsessing about. We met at my new school, and at first it seemed we were both shy. Later, she tried to strangle me, not once, but twice. She also threatened me with a knife. She was no coward either, choosing to do these things in the school hallway, with students everywhere and teachers in classrooms. She also bragged about catching small animals and torturing them.

She blamed it all on her so called sociopathy, which I think was an act. I told my closest friends about what she did to me, but they all shrugged it off. One said that she was just comfortable with me, so she did strange things. Apparently, she did this to all her other "friends" too. No one would give me relief or help me when she was making me uncomfortable.

That was in sixth and seventh grade. I'm a high school sophomore now, and I still think about her. What did I do to deserve that kind of treatment? Why did she do that? Why didn't anyone care? I don't obsess about revenge, but I obsess over her motives and background. I even went so far to confront a friend of hers about it, and got no satisfying answer. I don't even know what I'm expecting. The girl's moved away, she shouldn't be a problem anymore.

So why do I still think about this shit? I'm obviously not getting any answers any time soon. I just want to forget about it, but I can't. I think something's wrong with me.

[littl3chocobo]

it is our nature to ruminate on past negative experiences and if your current life is stable enough to allow you time to worry about past events you will do so more. the thing you can do to help would be to find a sufficient positive distraction though i understand such a thing is very hard to do

[Glass Heart]

nothing is wrong with you, it just seems you still wish that something had been done differently, to stop what happened in the past which is why it would still bother you

it's very hard to get past problems like that
you can try to distract yourself from the problem, face it and/or accept that it happened and there is nothing to change about it
it's very hard to just accept it, you may have to try and accept it many times over until you actually do...

if you can that would be great still very hard but something that can be done...
recently I've had a problem with someone who kept causing problems too
and thought we had it worked out to only have her start it up again...
I stressed myself out thinking about what happened what would happen...
and pretty much made myself sick...
it took a while of being told by one of my friends, one you can't do anything about it now, acknowledge what problem you have, say I have a problem with this (to yourself), and then to accept it, that you have a problem with it and can't do a thing about it now

I know that doesn't work for everyone... but it seems to be helping me some... took me a month or so to actually accept that I couldn't change the problem and that worrying doesn't help fix anything
anyway doesn't hurt to try it

[Pinkie]

Oh my. Well I can say this to you your not the only one. My bully in school I see often just walking the streets with her man or kids and all I think about is how much I would love to run up to her and just deck her one. She had done so much to me growing up it was horrible. I have had my head slammed into a desk, been pushed into lockers, hit, the worst was when she stabbed a pencil into my arm and no one did anything about it. Well now im done high school and part of university and I still hold that grudge.

Its hard for some to understand but one thing I have to say is that a broken home is what makes those people act that way. All the abuse you get is just a way to make themselves feel better about a home they cant fix. It takes time yes but a grudge is nothing to be holding. It will only hinder you more then help you. The best advice I could give is to stay away from people like that. Have a select group of people to call friends and everyone else be hind to but shun at the same time. Thats what has kept me moving all these years.