[mythological irony]

This is one of the few stories that I've written that doesn't have someone dying or being tortured. XD And there's nothing supernatural in here either. I am very proud of myself for having written something so completely different from my normal style.

So...critiques, suggestions, comments?

Red

Elijah hesitated in front of the door, one hand raised to knock, while the other held the piece of paper against his chest. He was afraid; he couldn’t deny that, but the overwhelming urge to present the piece of paper to his master drowned out that fear, and he found himself knocking on the massive door.

“Enter.”

He jumped at the voice. That beautiful, deceptive voice. He took a deep, shuddering breath as he turned the knob and pushed the door. It swung open on soundless hinges, revealing the room beyond. Deep burgundy reds assaulted Elijah’s vision, and he trembled on the spot.

Micah sat behind a large mahogany desk, his dark eyes focused on the small boy. His face was cold, despite the smile tugging at his lips.

“Come in,” he said.

Elijah hesitated and then stepped through the doorway and into that dangerous red room. His breath caught in his throat, and he stared down at the ground as he shuffled forward. He stopped in front of the desk and thrust the paper out in front of him, an offering. There was a creak from Micah’s chair and a following creak from the desk. The paper disappeared from the boy’s fingers.

A pause.

“What is this?” There was amusement in his voice.

“A picture,” Elijah said, his words nearly swallowed by the vastness of the room.

“I can see that. What is it a picture of?”

The boy continued to stare at the floor. “Me and…y-you.”

Another pause, followed by the sound of Micah emerging from behind the desk. A finger under his chin lifted the boy’s head until he was staring into those vacant, animal eyes.

“Why?” Amusement again.

His face flushed red to match the room. “I thought…that you’re like my dad now.”

Painful silence.

Micah laughed. “I’m not your father, Elijah.”

“I know, but—”

“And I don’t want to be your father.”

Elijah could feel his eyes beginning to burn with the pressure of tears.

“You’re my servant. Nothing more.”

The tears escaped. He lowered his head and stared at his feet as the tears tracked down his cheeks and splashed onto the red carpet. That finger lifted his head again, baring all of his grief for Micah to see, and there was no guilt in those eyes, no shame at making the child cry.

“Dry your tears,” he said. “And get back to work.”

He turned away then, and as he made his way back around the desk, he dropped the picture into the wastebasket. Elijah flinched. Swallowing his sobs, he turned around and left the room.

Micah watched the door for a moment, as if expecting the boy to come back, and then reached into the wastebasket and retrieved the discarded picture. He studied the simple, childish figures that had been scrawled onto the paper with red crayon.

Elijah hated red.

Micah opened his desk drawer and dropped the picture inside.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

This is not bad. It's written well enough I think, though some of the phrases border a little on cliche, but not quite. They just feel very familiar. I like the paragraph here:

Elijah hesitated and then stepped through the doorway and into that dangerous red room. His breath caught in his throat, and he stared down at the ground as he shuffled forward. He stopped in front of the desk and thrust the paper out in front of him, an offering. There was a creak from Micah’s chair and a following creak from the desk. The paper disappeared from the boy’s fingers.

This I like because you only have the creaks of the desk and the paper missing from his hand to get an idea of what Micah is doing. It's a good example of the "show, don't tell" philosophy that people often talk about.

Micah watched the door for a moment, as if expecting the boy to come back, and then reached into the wastebasket and retrieved the discarded picture. - I think for this paragraph here, it would be benficial if you removed the "as if" sentence. I think just having Micah watching the door would show the reader that something is up it him, without you haveing to say why. It's another showing/telling thing.

I do like the plot by the way. It's simple, and I think you establish the characters and their relationship well in the small space you chose to do it in. I like it. :)

[Suzerain of Sheol]

My thoughts are mostly in line with Quiet's. I'm particularly appreciative of not just the formatting, but the stylistic attention to flow that makes it so much easier to read than the usual blocks of text -- not to mention, spacing things out that way provides ample opportunities to emphasize certain words or phrases, which you do quite effectively.

If I had to pick at one thing, and I really don't think it detracts from the piece much, but, a little bit more context could be given, I feel like, to ground this story. Nothing blatant, obviously; I think as little as a single line or phrase in reference to the setting would go a long way.

Also, at the very end, you switch briefly from Elijah's narrative perspective to Micah's, and while it doesn't cause any severe problems, up until that point, it has been a fairly close 3rd-person limited narration. Having the narrative suddenly switch to Micah's experiences is ever-so-slightly jarring.

Overall, well done, though. I wish my classmates could write this well. :p

[Umaeril]

This is a very interesting story and quite well written. You caught my attention and you kept it. I agree with the stylistic point of leaving out the "as if" sentence to make the piece a bit cleaner, but that is a small thing. The comment by Suzerain of Sheol regarding the switch in viewpoints made me go back and read it again with that in mind. It had not bothered me on a first read through and on a 2nd go at it I still was not particularly bothered, but it is definitely something to keep in mind when you are so intensely focused on one character. I think you did a real good job on it. I would love to read more.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

It's a light shift. The piece is written from Elijah's point of view. When he leaves the room, the narrative should have followed him, but it sticks around to watch Micah. It's not a big problem, and easily fixed with a scene break to indicate the change, but it doesn't need it that much. It's not garish, like going from first person to third would be.

[mythological irony]

Thanks for the comments! ^ ^

Okay, I will definitely drop the "as if" part of the sentence.

Establishing settings has always been one of my weak points in writing. I overlook it a lot. I will work on that, though. XD

And I don't usually switch perspectives like that, but I couldn't find a way around it given that Micah taken the picture out of the trash was important to the story. Though a scene break should probably work.

Again, thank you! XD