[Pisces]

This is more a rant to get it out of my system, I suppose, but if you have some advice or something for me, it's greatly appreciated.

My family recently opened up our home to a friend of mine who was in danger of being homeless. I've known him for 8 years. We don't exactly make a lot of money so it was a strain for us to put him up and we told him, hey, we're not going to be able to let you stay here unless you help out around the house and work on finding some sort of job, just to supplement our income. He knew this before he came to live with us. He agreed to these conditions. Being my best friend, you'd think he would be grateful to not be homeless for the winter. How does he show is gratitude? By not doing a damn thing. And when approached about it, he's got all these excuses for why he hasn't done anything other than play his xbox all day. And then he gets bitchy and whiny when we ask him to please keep his end of the deal.

He hasn't been outside of the house to look for a job. He's doing online applications, but we're a very small town and most of our stores and businesses don't even have websites, let alone online applications. =\ We've explained this to him, but it doesn't seem as if he's taken it to heart. "I can't drive, I have no transportation." Well, you've got feet. "My knee acts up. I can't walk far. Plus, I have asthma." Alright, asthma can be a decent excuse, I suppose. But! Hey! My stepfather has lots of days home and a car! He could drive you. What? No response? Yeah, because that actually requires taking responsibility. He won't ask my stepfather for a ride around town to apply at stores, or for driving lessons to get his license, but he'll ask Dove (my stepfather) to drive him 45 miles to see his girlfriend in the next county for Valentine's Day.

In the meantime of trying to find a job (albeit half-assed), he could help do things around the house. We all take part in cleaning the dishes, the floors, letting the dogs outside to pee, etc. General things that need to be done to keep the house fit to live in. Hell, wiping down the kitchen counters isn't that hard. Wet the rag next to the sink, wipe off whatever is there. Rinse rag and hands. Done. We have a dishwasher. Dishes are as easy as load, run, and/or unload. Hell, I'll load it, run it, and he can just unload a couple hours later. Not that hard, yes? It's not like we're asking him to take on the whole endeavor of house cleaning on his lonesome. We're asking him to contribute to the household since he is now part of it. We CANNOT afford, financially, to support his eating habits. Mom hides half the food in her room because if she doesn't, a week's worth of food will be gone in two days.

Oh, and then, the condescension. We're never right. My mother is a Veterinary Assistant. She's so good at her job, she was asking to teach veterinary medicine. She's won teacher of the year. She knows what she's talking about when it comes to animal medicine. My friend and Mom were talking, and he kept insisting she was wrong about the treatment of a sick animal. He's admitted he never even liked the dog his family had had. Excuse me? You're arguing with someone who has performed and taught vet medicine for almost 8 years? And he has to argue about EVERYTHING. Even something as STUPID as whether a PS2 Fat or PS2 Slim are better, when, frankly, we couldn't CARE. He'll make obscure references to the games he plays endlessly. When we don't get the allusion, he must take it upon himself to explain it to us in the most condescending, "You are so stupid, let me enlighten you" manner. It's rude. I like to play video games too. They're fun. But they are not my life. They are something I do when I have spare time. Like the internet and this rant. And he's just do disdainful that we're not Halo junkie like him. =\ Because Halo is so much more important than a job.

I understand he just lost his father and had to move out from his house because the bank was going to take it back. But unfortunately, this is reality and we can't financially afford to let him just laze around. It's going to be almost 6 months since his father died, and 2 months since moving in with us. I can't put time limits or anything on grief and handling it. I can't say that by now he should have handled his father's death enough to function at basic levels. I can't say it, but it needs to happen. At this rate, my entire family is going on the streets if he can't contribute. I realize living with my family isn't the ideal situation, especially when it's forcing him to grow up, but hey, when you're 19, I think he should be damned grateful he's got a warm house and food to eat.

I dunno. I thought he was a better person than this. I thought that since he's been my best friend for 8 years, he'd show a little responsibility and keep up his end. Is it stupid to think that he would, out of respect for our friendship, if not out of gratitude for opening up our home at our own expense?

[Hermes]

Well, this looks like a situation I ACTUALLY have experience with. o.o

I honestly don't have much advice on it. He DOES need to go out and look. I would just hide the XBOX somewhere, wake him up whenever the first person to leave the house wakes up, and get him dropped off in a business area, and make him stay there all day. Don't give him cash, pack him some food, and just see what happens. Make sure it's somewhere he won't know how to get home from easily.

This may sound cruel, but it may work...

[Airu]

Ugh. x.x;; That also sounds like something I went through.

I had a friend who needed out of his house 'cause his family wouldn't let him do the things he wanted and he wanted a fresh start and all this. Well my family agreed we will let him stay with us so he can find a job and get things going for a few months. Well a month went by and he had never asked to go to a interview or to drop off applications. And he made the same excuses your friend made. About not having transportation and when we offered to take him he got quite. :/

We ended up kicking him out after a month and he went to another friends to stay. We also agreed we would pay rent each month. And when that month came up he never came to us and asked about it or offered. It was like he was waiting for my parents to baby him into what he needs to do. And still even at this other friends. He has done nothing.

I hope you can get things figured out.
Have you confronted him about if he doesn't straighten up he will get kicked out?
Maybe in a way threaten it on him?

[.rousium]

I love you girl girl. I hope it turns out okay for you in the end. But remember, no matter what. You're all human and that means you can only do so much. Sometimes, you can't bare the brunt of someone elses issues. They have to do that for themselves.

Is he the type of person you can talk to or is he all rough and tough? I get the impression that he's the latter. In which case then yes. He needs the xbox hidden and to be dropped off and told to get a job. It's not like he'd be in fucking Egypt or something. He needs to get a grip.

ILU!

[Pisces]

<33 Thanks for the input everyone. It's clear you all have larger balls than I do, lol. I'd feel horrible for dropping him off in a place he doesn't know very well, but....yeah. Things get worse, or just continue this way...he might need a compass.

We recently found out that his family is not losing the house anymore. Somehow or another, they get to keep it, and so now he's not in danger of being on the streets anymore. I understand homelife with his family is far from desirable, but, since he's not making an effort down here... Mom has told him that he either needs to shape up and do something productive, or we're sending him back.

[Luka1395]

Ugh, I can't believe someone you've known for so long would betray your trust like that, after you and your family were so generous as to open your own doors for him as well! Uhgh....someone needs to give him a serious tongue-lashing, and a time-limit. If he hasn't put forth a reasonable amount of effort into finding a job and holding up his end of the originally agreed-upon deal, then kick him out. There really isn't much else that an be done in a situation like that, at least not without potentially disastrous results. There is absolutely no reason why you and your family should have to bear the burden of caring for an ungrateful adult who lacks the integrity to at least hold up his end of a bargain! Especially when he would otherwise be out on the streets! I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything turns out well for everybody in the end :3

[Jenny Harper]

Kick him out. Simple as. I have no time for people like that. He's not a very good friend and needs a short sharp shock.

Either that or charge him for the electricity. If he can't pay it, oh noez you can't play Xbox? Shock horror.

[Chocolate]

:( just forget about that person, thats unbelieveable to what they did..

[Glass Heart]

well that is good for him that he has a place to go back to if things don't work out, kind of makes me wonder if there wasn't a situation at all and he just wanted out because all he wanted to do was play games which, he may of been limited at home, not sure, just a guess
knows someone myself who was almost kicked out of their house due to being lazy and just wanting to play games, but they ended up shaping up and helped out more

[BumbleBee]

yeah i agree just kick him out :|

[Delicious Nightmare]

You wont get any where being nice. I will assure you of that.. What ever you choose to do will be hard, and might chance on messing up your friendship. But What he is doing is the same so why not make it even grounds?
You must be tough at this point.. A little though love does a person good. And in time they will see that you where helping and they will thank you.

[Lunaryon]

Dang... I wanted to play the devil's advocate here, but there's nothing I can even think of that doesn't involve socking the guy in the teeth. Hope the lazy arse gets shipped back home!

[Lore]

The only way to make him understand his situation is by forcing him into an uncomfortable reality. I have experience in this topic, but that's all I'm gonna say here (and pretty much all that needs to be said).

[Nicole]

coming from the other end and being someone who had to rely on friends for a home
I'm gonna say kick his ass to the curb.
I was grateful to my friends for their help. The only time I didn't help around a house was because i handed over the rest of my money to the people who cared for me and thats almost 1 grand
and after i ran outta money for them they kicked me out
leaving me to be on my own and thankful my preggie friend took me in and only when she was in the hospital and had to kick me out where i really was homeless did i really get my ass up and going to look for jobs and get on assistance AND move into a shelter.
he won't learn by letting him stay. let him learn the hard way by going through it.

[Pisces]

Thank you for the input everyone.

His family found some way to keep their house, so we told him he needs to move back. He's back there, we're just waiting on him to get the rest of his stuff.

[rawkabilly]

Thank goodness. I wouldn't ever welcome him to stay with you again, should he get into a bit of trouble in the future.