[Fizzyology]

This is going to be a long one, but I suppose I should start at the beginning.

My husband and I have some debt problems which made us move out of our apartment and into my Parent's house. The agreement was that Pat AND I would HELP around the house. You know, clean up now and then.

My Dad refuses to make/let Pat clean, claiming that because he has a job, he should make me do it. That's not how it works, Pat WANTS to help me clean because he knows that one person can't clean up a house by herself. I can't keep everything clean if no one bothers to help me.

My Mom doesn't do anything around the house but watch TV and make things messier for me to clean. I know that she has pain problems and that she doesn't feel good too often, but the least she could do is throw away her own trash and rinse her dishes so it's easier for me. I'm always finding dishes and trash in random places.

My Dad has these 'rules' that only Pat and I seem to actually follow.

Such as rinse your dishes. DAD started that rule, not me. He doesn't abide to it, neither does Mom. He has this rule to crush your soda cans when you're done drinking it, rather then just leave it in the kitchen or somewhere else. I'm always finding soda cans in the kitchen anyway, but I KNOW that Pat and I crush our cans.

It's just silly really.

Well because the house wasn't super clean every time Dad got home, he'd always be in a bad mood. Keep in mind that my Dad just happens to only show his bad mood and act the way he does toward me when Mom and Pat aren't around.

Twice (while Pat and Mom weren't home) he threatened in not so many nice words to kick me out. Not BOTH of us, just ME.

He yells and moans and cusses at me because HE and MOM don't clean and he won't LET Pat help me. He's called be "a f*cking fat lazy ass"

Long story short the two times he threatened to kick me out caused a sort of treaty. A really unfair one at that.

Basically I got forced into agreeing that I have to clean ONE thing or room etc a day. ONE. Not that hard I suppose.

Although it is hard to clean anything else when there's always an impossible amount of dirty dishes in the bloody kitchen every day.

So you'd think "Hey, I'll clean more then one thing on days when I feel good and only one thing when I don't, and he should be find and dandy, glad that I'm doing what he told me to and then some" Right? That's what I thought, but apparently I'm dead wrong.

It's been a few months since that stupid 'treaty' was made and I'm NOT exaggerating when I say this;

Nearly every day (at least the days that Dad goes to work) he comes home angry and is always mad when the house isn't spotless. He bothers me nearly everyday with the annoying "What did you do for me today" question. No matter what all I tell him what I did, it's not enough he's still mad.

I literally made myself sick one day cleaning the whole kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming the floors and dusting and STILL Dad found something to bitch about.

What pisses me off the most isn't the fact that he's always mad. It's the fact that he directs his anger from anything and everything at me. He could be frustrated because of work, and he'll bitch at me.

An example: I cleaned up quite a bit (my Husband still insists that I only do one thing a day like the 'treaty' says) and even tried to clean up the huge clutter of random junk of the kitchen table. A pile of folded Laundry for my Dad has been sitting there for about FOUR DAYS now. I don't know where it belongs and I don't want to mess up his "system" plus I think he can put up his own laundry right? I mean I don't like it when people put up my Laundry, since they often don't put it where I want it.

Well he comes home that night, with his usual sigh of frustration the moment he gets in the door and his normal angry yell at their dog Skippy. Skippy LOVES them but Dad wants nothing to do with him.

I'm thinking Dad will be HAPPY that I cleaned up so much. I let him take his usual seat in front of the TV and relax a bit before I greet him with my usual happy self. He asks the same "what you do for me today" stupid line and I respond in the most positive attitude I can with "I did the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen, took out the trash and recycling in the whole house, vacuumed the floors and cleaned up the bathroom a bit. I even managed to clean up the kitchen table some, but your laundry is still waiting for you."

What does he do? He skips past the fact that I cleaned a LOT of the bloody house and looks like someone broke his computer.

"And you can't f*cking put up the laundry?"

Seriously? You're going to get mad at me because I didn't put up YOUR laundry, even when I did THAT MUCH work to try to make you happy?

There is so much more I want to rant about but I'm afraid I can't stay online much longer to talk about it, because Dad is more then likely going to bother me about the dirty house any moment again because it's his day off work.

I'm just seriously tired of all this bull.

[Serra Britt]

Oh wow I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with that every day :( At least it sounds like your husband is on your side, though just as powerless to do something about the situation as you are. I really hope writing this out helped you vent, even just a little :x

[Fey]

See, this is when I'd be a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal jerk. I print up the 'treaty' and place it on the fridge, then I would, every day, write down one thing. Just one. 'Cleaned Dishes', 'Dusted potted plants', whatever it is you choose, but ONE thing ONLY. Make it reeeeeeeally big and obnoxios.

When he gets home and asks tell him, "My time clock is on the fridge, I recorded what I did." Leave it at that. If he gives you grief inform him that the words of the 'treaty' state one thing, you have met your part of the agreement. If he wishes to renegotiate you're willing, but he will have terms to agree to as well. I can promise he won't like that.

Sit down with him, your husband and your mom. Spell out the terms you want, and I would include 'no hostile home environment' at the top of the list. Agree to terms you like, IE willing to maintain the kitchen, laundry whatever, but spell out what you WON'T DO, IE put away individual's laundry.

Are they being really nice and letting you live with them? Yep, but that doesn't mean you're their verbal or physical punching bag. The funny thing is you can arguably use the word 'abuse' in this situation and it's FITTING, so do so, make him realize he's doing it to you on a daily basis.

[Randomology]

I would be the husband, just to start off. HOLY CRAP!!!! Those two in laws are seriously just disgusting individuals. I'm gonna be honest I've exploded in her dad's face quite a few times. I've made the man once look at himself and the way he was acting and made him cry. His biggest problem is he is so selfish and withdrawn in to how bad his life is that he doesn't grasp the concept that he's hurting the ones trying to love him, and that half a billion people on this planet would kill to be sitting on that brand new couch and HDTV he's got watching his damn Craig Ferguson all the bleeding time! GAAH AND THE MOTHER! I SWEAR SHE FREAKING FAKES THAT STUPID PAIN CRAP SO SHE CAN SLEEP ALL DAY ASIDE WHEN SHE IS UP WATCHING TV! SHE JUST SITS THERE WHILE CONNIE AND I FOLD LAUNDRY!!!

*deep breathing* Okay. I'm a bit better. Fey, love the idea, seriously! :3 However the terms and conditions of this current treaty prevent us from complaining or contracting in a way where if we piss them off like that, we are on the street. I'm barely affording to keep us above water with bills right now until I can find a good job again. Time's are tough but seriously I wish we did that idea earlier. I'd love to get a document like that on his ass.

F**k.....

In all honesty, I've started acting out myself. I'm tired of her parents looking at me like a damn angel. IM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll do whatever it takes to make this monarchical stupidity come to a screeching halt. I'm so angry I cannot even express properly what I want to say...

[Glitch]

I'm stuck at my grandparents house right now with my boyfriend. But we're in a bit of the reverse. I work and he's home all day. My grandfather hates him, calls him a first class moocher. My grandmother wants us to stay here until I graduate from college. My boy helps around the house as best he can but it's not his house, not his family, he's uncomfortable cleaning things he doesn't know. So he does our chores and helps me and cleans up dog poop, and when asked will clean whatever they request of him. It's not enough though and now we're being kicked out in 3 weeks. XP

When people are angry with you for whatever their reason it is very hard to change their mind. The more evidence you've done good, the angrier they tend to become and take it out on you harder. I always felt with my mother, that she'd see I did do chores once i moved out and they stopped getting done - and that was the case. But I don't think that would work for you since you can't move out. I'd try talking to your husband, coming up with a formulated plan to find a cheap apartment or roommates as soon as you can. You could try asking your father for a list of what he wants done in a day so you can guarantee to him it will be done. That is the best advise I can offer you. :(

@Random: From working in an outpatient facility, I can tell you a lot of people do make it up. But the problem lies in whether or not they can fully comprehend they are making it up. There are people out there that will faint in front of you, completely unexpectedly, and fully believe they fainted. They are convinced they did. But really - they were faking. It's umm pseudo-seizures. That's not something you could ever confront somebody about though. :(

[Randomology]

Well the mother has been an addict after years of pain meds since fizzy was in middle school. She even downed my Vicodin when I fractured my knee. The only times she complains really of pains is in the morning, or whenever there's work that needs to be done. She's not feeling well and doesn't do it. She sleeps too much cause of her meds and honestly I wish there was a way for her to go cold turkey, unfortunately she's got something like neurofibromentosis or something like that. Also we've been trying to get a roommate set up but her job hunt is slow as well. Thanks for the kind words though :)

[Glitch]

I wish I could help you more with her, as she seems to fit the type of people we see at our facility. But I'm not a counselor so I can't give you any real quality advice. :(

If you guys lived closer to me you could help me on my move! :D Haha. I want to rent a house and split the bill with some roomies. Ideal plan! I don't know where you live but here to rent a two bed two bath house is about $500-$600 so I think that's better than getting an apartment.

[Randomology]

ah. my asl is 21/male/Texas. fizzy could tell you just about the same. You? Though I don't think you need us as room mates theres really no need for the trouble for people you don't truly know. Besides I'm pretty damn stubborn when it comes to making it in life. could say it's kinda the theme of my life's story lol. Oh, and I commented on your post as well just to heads you up. I hope I helped, but if not, sorry.

[Glitch]

Well, either way. I have to move out in 3 weeks or so XD And I'll have to find roommates with strangers. I'm 21/idaho. It'd be quite a drive for you, but the state is just about as republican and brown I'd bet. Anyway, just trying to give you some options to consider. :) There are a lot of people that are looking to rent a room in their house for some spare cash out there. And that's a lot cheaper than an apartment - and I'd bet roommates wouldn't be as difficult to deal with. :<

I'm also just trying to offer suggestions. Thank you very much for your post back. :)

[Randomology]

You are very kind and considerate and a pleasure to communicate with :3. I wish we could move to Idaho. Wouldn't mind except I'd have to find a new occupation. So you'd have to end up gambling on us as to whether or not we can find a job to help cover the costs. I thank you for the offer. Hell who knows, we may think it over.

[Fey]

damn, so the 'treaty' doesn't allow you to complain?? Like hell! If it says ONE thing, it needs to be ONE thing, if he doesn't like it TOUGH that was HIS terms. If the terms are worded differently or more ambiguously then that may be an issue. Make HIM be the one to demand it be redone. Then you both aren't 'violating' it, he is and he can sit on it and spin.

Sounds like the dad is just way in over his head with his wife and job, maybe the two of you need(well three, him and you two) to sit down and just talk. Make him understand. If he's already had a 'breakdown' in a previous conversation it won't come as a huge shock to him that you think this way, and since they seem to have one of you on a pedestal and the other in the scullery it's a good balance. If need be get in a third party like an aunt, grandparent or close family friend, someone who's not really involved in it that can help mediate.

The absolute end of it you can look into public assistance. Yeah, it sucks, but really, that's why those programs exist so you DON'T have to be 'stuck' in situations like this.

[Fizzyology]

wow you two took over my thread lol.

Thanks all for the advice, my response would pretty much be a carbon copy of what Rand's been saying himself.

Fey: The suckish thing is my Dad's seriously stubborn. If we try to even HINT that there's something we don't like he blows it way out of proportion. In the long run it's just best if we ignore them as much as we can(nearly impossible lol) and wait till we can move out and then without any warning I'm going to stop cleaning around the last week we're there and if they start yelling about it I'm going to say something like "Well this is what it's going to be like when I'm not here, so you ought to get used to it" and then move out our stuff.

The whole ordeal is just stupid. My Mom and Dad don't talk to anyone let alone each other that much anymore. They only seem to be in a somewhat good mood when they're with my sister and her baby, but as soon as we're back home they're all doom and gloom again.

My Mother's been in a psyche ward about three or four times now, and the last time I just recently found out that she was forced via police to go. She even has a shrink now, who of course doesn't know what the hell she's doing and isn't doing anything but increasing the amount of debt that's over my parent's head.

I'm not good with starting or having conversations with them so all I can do is hope that they'll eventually see what they're doing to themselves and others when I move.

I'm thinking about writing a long LONG letter to them once we're safely moved out.

[Ginger]

I live in Idaho as well. It is very hard to find a job where I'm currently living. I'm staying with my boyfriend's parents until I graduate from high school, and I graduate in about a month. I'm kinda scared of what's going to happen next.

[Randomology]

But hey, look at the bright side! There's a lot of negative things we could be doing that we aren't!

We are not constantly calling the Dad names like Santa.
We are not setting the house on fire out of spite.
We are not abusing the poor dog that lives in this house.
I have not brought an iguana into the home, unfortunately we do have a frog with a moustache, but hey, whaddya gonna do?
I have not kicked anyone or anything between the nickers.
I have not filled the house with pudding, packing peanuts, or desert foxes.
I have not taken a hammer to his HDTV like I SO WANT TO!!!!!
Fizzy has not broken any doors.
Fizzy has not poisoned food.
I have not walked around the house naked *sob*
Neither has Fizzy *double sob*
We have not bought a wrecking ball and crane and knocked down the house.
We have not super glued mom's door shut.
We have not painted the roses red.
We have not made the portal cake according to the recipe and fed it to the mom or dad.
WE have NOT! and I repeat NOT! Knocked down every standing thing in the house, urinate on all of it,(mostly me), and then take scissors to everything that can be cut that they put value in to, followed by melting all of Dad's Star Trek stuff in the oven, then urinating on the pile of molten plastic (mostly me again), followed by.....I should probably stop here...

[Taiania]

I say stop doing it if he thinks you're not. He's being a selfish, nasty, spiteful person and deserves to be left in his own mess.

[princeofrose]

I think your dads just using you and treating you like a maid to milk you for as much as he can. What a douche, no offensive, but he is your fucking father, there is not reason he should treat you like crap. Seriously I would of slapped him in the face by now and been like Bull shit! Look at all this crap I did you start treating my like your daughter and stop treating me like your maid.

Do you pay rent? Because if you are paying rent and still have to deal with all of his bullshit thats messed up.