[Suzerain of Sheol]

If you wouldn't mind a suggestion, I think having her recall it in very brief trauma-flashbacks while she's doing other things could be very effective. Give it to the reader in little pieces until it catches with where she is currently. I'd advise italicizing those parts, if you decide to do that.

And, I just started Andrew's section. Another example of the show/tell thing, when you describe his fiancee, it evokes nothing in me. You're just stating facts without giving me a reason to empathize with them. Rather than just bluntly throw the concepts out there, let the reader actually see them and come to those conclusions on their own. Like, have Andrew remember something briefly that made him love his fiancee so much, just a small moment that meant a lot to him, as an example.

[gremlin]

That wouldn't be such a bad idea. She could be doing things or seeing things that remind her of her life before the virus occurred.
I'm sorry about that, but thank you so much for pointing this all out for me. You have no clue how thankful I am about this. No one has told me this.
I don't mind doing sexual things. Would it be a good idea to make him remember a moment where they made love passionately? I could write up something right now as an example.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

If that's what you think would show it best, go for it.

Just don't expect me to go over it with a fine-toothed comb, I'm not especially fond of such scenes. :p

[gremlin]

It's just an idea, it wouldn't be explicit. I'm writing a book not a porno.
I was thinking that maybe when Kimberly remembers her life before the virus, it could be happy, personal memories. With friends and family. It could make the reader get to know her better.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Yes, I imagine that would work.

[gremlin]

I might be a bit distracted by writing.
Edit: Thank you for all of your help. :)

[Suzerain of Sheol]

I'm sorry, Neirra, I've got a lot of stuff to do for the rest of tonight, and I'll be busy all day tomorrow. We'll have to pick up on this again over the weekend.

[gremlin]

That's perfectly fine, you have no obligation to be constantly in this thread!

I appreciate all of the help so far!

[gremlin]

I'm not too sure if this is good or not, but I do like it. Ah!

Andrew usually wasn't out so late at night considering the absence of the living and the towering population of the dead. Yet he was told to go out and scavenge for survivors by his friends. He knew the real reason they were sending him out was because they wanted time alone. He respected them enough to do so, but he still didn't appreciate being thrown in to the littered streets in the middle of the night. He clutched his rifle in his hand and prepared himself for anything. He didn't know if those things could hunt in the dark or not, but he wasn't taking any chances. Andrew didn't want to die, he didn't believe in God, and didn't want to find out what happened after death at all. He wandered around for a bit, kicking around useless things and exploring abandoned buildings. Andrew was used to going out alone. He didn't mind it that much. Sometimes he preferred it because being surrounded by others reminded him of his loss. Andrew looked for the nearest building to lean on, he felt as if he was going to vomit. Thinking about the incident made him feel uncomfortable. It made his stomach twist and turn and made his throat burn.

Andrew remembered her soft skin, he remembered brushing hair from her face and embracing her. Small fingers ran up from his lower back to the back of his head, he felt her tug on his hair. A smile crept across his face as her toes curled. Her fragile body felt tense, then she relaxed. She giggled, his heart melted. Big green eyes looked up at him almost innocently.

"Why are you looking at me?" she chirpped.

"I can't stop looking at you," he breathed against her neck. "You're so beautiful."

"Andrew," she whispered. Her freckled cheeks brightened up.

"Will you marry me?" Andrew kissed her neck gently.

"Oh please." she laughed so hard that she accidentally snorted.

"Hope," Andrew lifted his head from her neck. His hand left her body and felt around his side table. He slid the drawer open and took out a little box.

"Andrew?" Her eyes became engulfed with tears.

"Will you marry me?" He popped the case open to reveal a beautiful ring.

Tears fell from Hope's eyes, she nodded. Andrew took her hand and slipped the ring on. Her arms wrapped around Andrew, she squeezed him tightly. Their lips crashed together. Hope pulled away, she took his hand in hers then placed it on her stomach.

"I'm pregnant," she said and smiled.

Andrew was speechless, his finger twirled around her belly button in cricles. He began to cry.

Everything was perfect. Then everything changed. He lost her. Hope died with the world.