[MuseSick]

Well- basically a girl I've known for almost a year now has started talking to me again. We used to be really good friends but we just finished having a period where we weren't talking. We're both at fault for this though, just- She. More to blame then I, and that's in all due honesty, not because I want to play the victim. But it's true, I feel like she's ostracizing me solely based on the fact I called her out on a few things.

She's always turned to me for advice because I wont lie to her, and I ask her repeatedly if this is sure what she wants to hear. Basically- I can say this flat out, she's a moron. She does stupid things, and blows them out of proportion. For example, a guy she lies is "flirting" with her, while she has a boyfriend. She's obsessed over the fact that the boy said he would text her later, and he never did. She logged on to find him logged onto skype- and he never got off. So she continues to tell me that he's lying to her, and that he's not actually busy and such. That he's a jerk and he's scum. Personally- I get tiered of her consistent complaints because they're all the same. She lacks morals, which bugged me from the beginning, she leads people on, and flirts away, meanwhile she has a boyfriend that- I'm assuming most girls would die for because he's a sweetheart. So yes that's always bugged me, her lack of common sense and her tenancy to go against the average person's respectable morals. So of course she comes to me for an honest answer, and when I TELL her, she's to blame, and it's a two way street she does get angry. She get's annoyed, though she's the type of person not to admit it.

But onto the reason we stopped talking I guess. To keep it short on my history, I've been turned down a lot when it comes to wanting to talk about what's bothering me. I've herd everything from "I have my own problems, I don't need to hear yours-" to being told to flat out "shut up" even after being given permission to go into details. On top of that when I was younger my Mum found out I was cutting myself- which, at the time was the "in thing" I guess, that wasn't why I did it, but that's a different story. She told me that "Normal people didn't feel that way", on other occasions, like the evening my parents were about to get divorced.. Again. I went to my aunt and uncles, there is only one house in-between us. So naturally, I was confused I didn't no where to go, but I was tiered of hearing them screaming. My parents have always fought and have almost had numerous divorces, but it doesn't make it any less painful to sit there and listen to them. My Mum called me home, and screamed at me that it was, quote on quote, "No one elses fucking damn business, I've read your school essay's, keep that shit to yourself, write in a book, whatever but you don't talk about it." so generally my Mum told me not to talk about how I felt.. Which granted I didn't do it much anyways.. But my school essay's about my family life (not only gave me straight A's) but were an out let. My teacher would never tell anyone, she was my sister's teacher too, she treated me like her own kid. So I was kind of emotionally fucked up by my Mum and my own obedience.. So it was hard for me to open up, because I never really had..

We stopped talking because the ONE night- I finally opened up to her, calling her in tears because I was miserable.. I went on, I told her all the things that had happened, and then I eventually ventured off to the topic of being disappointed in myself. Because I used to know everything about my friends. I'd work hard to get to know them- some thing's I'd even go so far as to WRITE DOWN. because I wanted to be the best friend I could be.. As soon as I said I was sad that I no longer got to know people like I used to- Meanwhile she said absolutely ANYTHING, I could say ANYTHING and she'd listen. I always ask first, if there are limitations. I mean sure maybe it hadn't come to her mind, but the fact she knew I was on the verge of suicide.. You think maybe she'd suck it up for a night- because she talks about things to me whenever she feels like it, I'm always there for her. No matter what. It was the first time I asked her to be there for me.. and she couldn't do it.. She wouldn't do it. She turned around and apologized.. But it doesn't make it better. Just because you're sorry- doesn't mean it makes it better..

So- yeah we stopped talking after I told her "You can't handle talking about friends, because you're shitty one." which was 100% true..She's even admitted to me she's a crappy friend I don't lie- or make things up because I'm angry. I'm a very honest person.. Because - though I am a good liar- I think it's a waste of time.. If I can't be honest with my friends, who can I be honest with?

But- after that she'd make little Personal Messages on MSN about friendship, and one day she said "Friendship isn't a thing of convince, remember that next time you want to talk." I commented.. Because I get SO SICK of her acting like she's the victim in every situation and everyone does her wrong, I said that "You should heed your own warnings, you're guilty of the same things." because she did that to me.. All the time, whenever she needed a shoulder, she spoke to me, but when I needed or wanted to talk, I was shot down, she was "too busy" or "going out". So after that- she called me up,threatening me, telling me that I'm a "snobby little bitch" and that "I'm an awful person," or that I'm "going to hell." I mean yeah- call me every name under the sun, but it makes no difference to me. She knows that- but did so anyways.

And tonight.. She calls me up, asking me how I am, saying she's missed me, and junk. Acting like nothing EVER happened. Or like time heals all wounds, which it doesn't. Or at least it never has for me. And I don't know what to say.. Hell.. I don't miss her.. Not one bit.. I just don't know what to do.. Is it wrong for me to hold this against her?

[Serra Britt]

I'm always the first to tell people to not throw away friendships, or to cut people off, but then again there has to be a limit to what you can accept from people. To always be there when they need someone to complain to, and then not being there for you ever, it's just not fair. I think in a good friendship you should always be able to complain about things and let the other person listen, as long as you are willing to do the same for them. It sounds like she wanted to use you for an outlet and never let you do the same.

If it's being done repeatedly, is it REALLY holding it against her? :/

[Camila Espia]

It sounds to me like she's only a friend in title, because she sure doesn't act like one, plus you didn't miss her, so just tell her you are fine, be nonchalant. And if she asks if you have time to talk or go out, say you are busy, being polite but distant.

[CupcakeDolly]

Everyone will probably tell you to be nice or to give second chances, but come on... some people just literally suck all of the life from you. There are people who give out energy, and there are those who feed from it like leeches. Unless there's an equal amount of give and take between two friends, it might be better to just cut them off completely.

Granted, after being given time to grow and mature and learn from life, perhaps she might have changed somewhat. Another possibility is that she may have realized that nobody else gave her as much of their attention and energy as you used to, and she may think that going back to you will be an easy way for her to have more of the same.

Whatever you think of it, if you plan to entertain the possibility of talking to her again, my advice would be for you to scope out her intentions. Maybe ask her directly what she wants, and see her reaction to it. That might give you an idea of what to do.

[MuseSick]

Thanks, I think you're all right actually. I know she wasn't a very good friend- I'm not interested to see if she is now either. I think I just drag this on for in part my own twisted intentions. Have you ever done that? Kept something going, just to make them realize how awful they are, or to make other people realize how awful she( or he) is?
I feel bad for saying it, but I think I still resent her to the point where I want her to start something, so I have the permission to tear her limb from limb.

BUT! Thank you~ It's really helpful to see what other people thing.

[Belial]

The best thing you can do is move on and get people who actually care about you.

People who don't have to pretend or use you as you were used.

I still have people who claim that they are my friends when I haven't spoken to them in months. But since this is the internet that is normal? I have no idea.

In any case, if someone is a true friend, you feel safe, you should feel supported. If you don't feel a person is there for you like you need them to be then I don't see how they can be good for you.

If you're the only one giving, that's wrong.

[MuseSick]

Well yeah it's true, that I should drop her on a dime. I've given her the benefit of the doubt countless times, but there's the small, microscopic part that hopes maybe she's changed. The rest of me squashes that like a bug. But I almost pity her- Because she has no friends.
Mainly because she alienated people, but it's a shame she had to be that way.

[CupcakeDolly]

Originally Posted by MuseSick

I think I just drag this on for in part my own twisted intentions. Have you ever done that? Kept something going, just to make them realize how awful they are, or to make other people realize how awful she( or he) is?
I feel bad for saying it, but I think I still resent her to the point where I want her to start something, so I have the permission to tear her limb from limb.

I think everyone has their own less-than-honest intentions, to some extent. And I do think that it's only human to want to play games with people. It helps to be honest with yourself and other people about it though, which you seem to be, and which she does not. Personally, if someone does me wrong, I like to see them pay for it - which usually happens through "karmic" intervention. If I were you, I would take the fact that she now has no friends as payment enough for her actions, but it's totally understandable that you'd want more than that.

[MuseSick]

Yeah- I'm pretty honest about my intentions. I can't stand lying actually. Even though I will admit I myself- when under pressure, have lied, everyone has. I just- I realize the fact she has no true friends is punishment enough, and you're right. It'd be cruel of me to do that to her, even if she deserves it. No one deserves to be alone, people just end up that way. And I'd be the equivalent of her really if I did it. But that doesn't mean I wont think of doing so. I mean- I like to day dream. xD