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Dorian Pavus Dorian Pavus is offline
Necromancer
Default crit my Fanfics!   #1  
Porcelain Heart
Prolog:


Kuramas Thoughts oneshot (incompleat)
Old Posted 04-01-2012, 06:46 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #2   Red Calypso Red Calypso is offline
Woo, Graduated High School
Is this just the first chapter? I take it the strange woman is Kayla? It could be interesting, if you avoid the Mary Sue trap. I would recommend getting a beta, to clean up the spelling.
Gall's Cheiri
Questing for Pretties!


art by Gallagher
Old Posted 04-01-2012, 11:09 PM Reply With Quote  
Dorian Pavus Dorian Pavus is offline
Necromancer
Default   #3  
The first one has nothing to do with the second one. xD
Same Anime different AUs (Alternet universes).

I try not to wright Sue-ish work, though its hard to please everyone on that front. ;)
Old Posted 04-02-2012, 12:55 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #4   Red Calypso Red Calypso is offline
Woo, Graduated High School
I'm sorry, my post was about the second story, Kurama's Thoughts. I just read the first one, I'm pretty sure that one's about Hiei's sister. I have no idea who Kayla is or where she came from.
Gall's Cheiri
Questing for Pretties!


art by Gallagher
Old Posted 04-02-2012, 04:43 AM Reply With Quote  
Dorian Pavus Dorian Pavus is offline
Necromancer
Default   #5  
It gets explained later on, I haven't had time to wright more of it.

Kayla is an OC that replaces Yusuke as the human world's spirit detective. Each country gets a detective team to investigates supernatural odditys that crop up. Kayla (North America's SD), being the strongest is nom'd the "Human world's ambassador" and goes to demon world for talks and such, or if a SD' can't handle a demon or problem they send her and her team to look into things. Her and Yusuke swich out from time to time as ambassador or will go to peace talks together as the demons respect him FAR more then her.

That one is set right after Kayla is sent to Japan to find out what happen to Japan's new SD. She runs into a lot of problems and ends up losing her team and joins up with Yusuke and the old gang. This is right after and she is dealing with losing her team emotionally and deciding if she wants to still be an SD. Its Kurama's point of view though so He's going to go into a mental brake-down of both Hiei and Kayla's personaltys in a musing sort of fashion. Its more of me just practesing and testing the waters with how I A.) want to potray Hiei in this AU and B.) how to un-Sue or rather, not sue Kayla in personality and presence.

Yea, the first one is about Hiei & his sister Yukina. Its a little story thats been knocking around in my brain for years now. Later it will foces more more on the ice maidens and their mother (my representation of her) and how she really died.
Last edited by Dorian Pavus; 04-03-2012 at 02:41 PM.
Old Posted 04-03-2012, 02:28 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #6   Rakura Lynn Rakura Lynn is offline
Beloved Hunter
I enjoyed this, and wouldn't mind reading more.
Old Posted 04-17-2012, 11:15 PM Reply With Quote  
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