[Chi]

I'm not going to crucify you for your choices. I'm sure you have a reason for why you act the way you do, everyone does. And I'm sure if Kai is willing to help you, you can fix it in time. Just don't give up. Much love and good luck. <3

[Meizicht]

Thanks, though honestly, I don't think I really deserve much slack for this. ^^;
Kai's being nicer to me than he should as well; I really don't think I'm getting any punishment for my behavior, which isn't right, to me. Dx

[Chi]

Try to think of it positively? You're very lucky? I'm not sure. :c

I would never encourage this but you could always "punish" yourself. What I mean by that is if you feel you're getting too attached, step back and just stop. Find something to busy yourself. Play a game, watch a movie, draw art, dance, go out by yourself, hang out with friends. 0:
When I found myself getting attached to my boyfriends, I played a game to busy myself. If that's too hard maybe set a goal for yourself. "I just talked to him 5 minutes ago, lets see if I can go an hour without calling him."

Don't put yourself down though, that's not going to help you. It only encourages more behavior like this. You'd be slowing the process instead. ):

[Meizicht]

I don't trust myself to have the self control yet, so I've asked him to block me every once in a while so I don't give in and talk to him, lol.
Kind of hoping he actually does it. x__x;;
Otherwise, it's like I'm getting off with a slap on the wrist, and that's it. I need it to be burned into my personality like a stop sign, whenever I'm about to do something abusive; if I remember when someone had punished me bad enough, I'll stop before I do it. I need that. x__x;


Edit: He agreed to block me for 1-2 days every now and then. ^^;

[Belial]

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that someone can admit their weakness and is actively trying to improve themselves.

As someone who had experienced emotional abuse, I think I'm rather impressed by this. Those who I knew to be abusive would never admit that they were in a million years.

It does take a certain amount of courage and . . .just wow. I can't stop being impressed.

Of course there is a different between being emotionally needy/nagging and actual mean spirited manipulation. It's hard to tell with what I've read.

[Gallagher]

With the admittance that it's you:

I fully stand by my previous statements. Everyone deserves that chance to improve themselves. Not just once, but a thousand times over. So long as you're breathing, you can change for the better.

[Meizicht]

Belial: Thank you, but there's really nothing to be impressed by with me; I've always acknowledged it, and I always try to warn new friends before they get to know me too much.

Also, I can't be sure if I'm mean or not; I don't think I have that intention, and I know I'm probably the neediest, most annoyingly naggy person on earth. No matter what kind of abusive I am, isn't the outcome the same though? So my excuse is irrelevant. I don't get a say because I'm abusive; that's how it should be. People trying to understand my side wouldn't be punishment for my actions.


Gallagher: Well, I have to admit that this makes me even worse because even though I try, it never works. I don't really think I should have help from anyone else because that would be kind of.. unfair to others. Thinking I am the bad guy, therefore I need to fix it alone. But I can't find methods that work without having to ask for assistance. I may just be stuck with myself being ridiculous, and I also think because of that, I should break it off with Kai and disappear. xD;;
If more than one person agreed ( or agrees ) with that, though, I would. Because I do not have a say, as the bad guy. I should not consider my own feelings here because I've hurt his too much.
That's how I've been seeing it.

[Belial]

But you have made the first step in admitting it, most people who are abusive would never do that.

But if it was between someone who didn't care that they hurt people and someone who did care and was trying to change that, I would see the last one in a more favorable view. The first step is always the hardest and you've already done that.

Self improvement is never easy, not in the least, but getting starting is the biggest hurdle. You know you aren't done but you have to give yourself a tiny bit of credit. It could be hugely motivational in order to continue trying.

Because a lot of people would just give up, and you haven't. That is something I would say you should be proud of.

My ex would never admit that she hurt me. She never saw herself as an abuser.

[Gallagher]

Weeeeeeeell, the way you've been seeing it is wrong. imo.

People are rarely able to change things like that on their own. They want to, other people want them to, but it just. Does. Not. Happen. That way.

Thinking of it as so strictly good guy and bad guy is, sorry, immature and extremely short-sighted. This is more complicated than that. It's always been more complicated than that.

I suppose I should add, when I was being abused, things didn't break off because nothing changed. They broke off because it was getting worse. Long past spending every possible minute. Long past trying to find ways for it to get better.

Short of circumstances like that, which you really can't be in given this very thread, I wouldn't be able to justify ignoring your feelings. I guess I see it as any other addiction, though. And whether the addiction is drugs, sex, or attention, those who want to change deserve the help to do so.

Also, very much agreeing with Belial here.

[Meizicht]

Well, to be totally honest there's another problem here as well. Though I didn't want to bring it up because it makes Kai sound a little bad, when the fault is not his. He's tried to help me before, but then I have times where I'll feel so bad for doing what I do, that I pull back over and over, and nothing got done, really. Because of that, I think he may have given up, so when I bring these things up now, he'll either ignore it or it'll turn into somewhat of an argument. Because his experience is he can't get anywhere with me. I've done that so much, so I don't think he'll be willing to have an extensive talk or a few with me about it. Which is my fault. So I've been like.. walking on eggshells about it. I want to try again, but I know the trust is probably not there, so I'm stuck. I don't want to bother him any more than I already do.
So although I've talked to him a little bit, he kept changing the subject, and I don't have the feeling that anything was accomplished. x__x;;

I also have vague ideas of why I'm so bad ( because before, I wasn't so much abusive as honest and I didn't need his attention so badly; I was comfortable with myself and confident in modest amounts ) but I'd need to have a serious long talk with him about it... and also I'm afraid he may just forget all about it in a few days, and it'll go back to how it always is. Or not believe me. Or think it's not a big deal enough to cause my behavior. I wouldn't blame him for any of these. It's just difficult to get to the next step if he doesn't stick with me a little.. Which, feels horrible of me to say because I still really do not think I deserve help. x__x;; But.. that's just me. I'm really sunken into the statistics about this; you know, how the abuser is nothing but evil and it's just black and white. No matter how big or little the offense is, it's the same and the abuser must be the worst; we must not sympathize - that kind of thing.

[Belial]

Anyone who thinks only in black and white is ignorant. Life is never in just black and white. Bad guys sometimes wear white, good guys sometimes wear black.

Don't let your fears control you, otherwise you'll be in a prison of your own making. And that can stop you from doing a lot of great things. I can't say what you or he should do as I know both of you will handle it differently. If both parties truly want to be together they will work with each other even if one isn't perfect.

If one of the partner gives up, no amount of words can change that. Sometimes when the trust dies, everything else dies along with it. However, again, that does depend on the willingness of both partners to work on the relationship. Even if he doesn't stick with you, you need to learn to be a "whole" on your own.

Dated a guy online, he never really paid attention to me, I felt more like a friend and he always refused to use my phone number. I always thought that was strange. I dumped him because I wasn't happy and I would like someone I was dating to talk to me at least once a week.

Many things that are desirable and worth having don't come without a struggle or a fight. Loss never comes without some kind of gain, but if you never lose, you don't gain anything either.

I hope my words make some kind of sense, it's my train of thought and I wanted to get them out before I was distracted again. (I hope that didn't sound rude, I do get distracted sometimes at the worst moments)

[Lucid:]

I once dumped a boyfriend because he was clingy, possessive, and did the whole guilt-trip thing for attention. His intentions were good, he merely didn't want to lose me, but he ended up pushing me away with those behaviors anyway because that's just my personality. I don't take that kind of crap from anybody. If anything, I'm the person who will be doing the guilt-tripping and the manipulating in the relationship. I couldn't take it, but I do it myself, and perhaps that makes me a hypocrite. But in the end, it all boils down to personality and how a person handles the way another person treats them.

[Meizicht]

Thanks, you guys, for the answers. I've been holding it back, and doing okay with it, I think, though I'm not sure how it looks to Kai right now. I suggested that whenever he's busy, he'll block me so I cannot have a chance to bug him ( because I don't have confidence in my own self restraint yet ) and he agreed, so we'll be doing that. Hopefully I don't screw it all up. ^^;;