[Coda]

*nods* Exactly. That's why I encourage you to get personally involved -- not in trying to "fix" him, but in helping him focus his attention and activities on the things you need from him. It shouldn't include or imply any criticism. Doing things together and making a habit of it, even for little things like housework, will build a rapport between you. This will strengthen your relationship, which is the most important thing for both of you -- important for him to be able to work his way through the defensive walls, and important for you to feel the relevance you crave.

[Pocket]

He thinks that I'm up is ass to much...

[Coda]

That's kinda my point. You can't push him to change. It just doesn't work -- and wouldn't work even if he thought it would work and was okay with it. Getting upset will only make matters worse.

As I suggested: Work WITH him. Don't try to move too fast. Ask him to help you do things rather than asking him to do it himself.

[Delicious Nightmare]

I think you need to sit down. Write a letter to him. Get all of whats in your head out onto the paper. Read it.. Rewrite it if needed.. Give it to him. Remember though, he needs tender care. The depression needs to be treated. Talk him into talking to some one, or a therapist. Or even writing things down and burning them. Remind him that together your stronger then apart. You can help him through this as he can help you. Make him feel important. Make him feel like he is your hero.. Let him know he is not worthless and that you love him..

[ettah]

don't feel like a failure.
he sounds like a huge jerk.
show your man who's boss!
he should care about how you feel, or if somethings wrong.
otherwise he's doing a really terrible job at being your husband.

[Coda]

Erm... I don't mean to be rude, but that's really quite the opposite of the right response to someone dealing with depression he can't control.

[Delicious Nightmare]

I agree with Coda.

[Belial]

As someone who does suffer from depression, it's very easy for me to push people away. I don't want my burdens becoming someone elses issue and I do relate to this.

I don't have a right to judge other people and who they choose to love. If the OP chooses to stay then I don't think hurling insults is called for.

He does sound like he has some trust issues as well, that could be harder to work on but if you both love each other then this will just be a door you both have to open.

Writing a letter sounds like a good idea, sometimes writing things out is less emotional than speaking with someone. With depression, it could be more beneficial to be "to the point". I have an easier time expressing myself with letters than speaking. This could also help the OP.

Knowing how hurtful he is unintentionally being could make it worse. I myself don't mean to hurt people but I can't always escape that. Depression isn't the easiest thing to just "get over it" and it isn't always to do with self worth. I know I am a good person, however sadness is a daily thing for me. I have no real reason for it, I'm in a comfortable place. I am not suffering from physical sickness but I do have time where I don't even want to get up in the morning. Staring at the wall seems more favorable than my responsibilities. I force myself anyway and feel as if I am an actor in a place instead of living my life.

I am not trying to make him sound like a special snowflake but unless you know someone who does suffer from depression, I doubt you can relate. Depression really is like trying to run a race with various size weights all over your body. It is truly difficult, hurts, and not easy to jump over anything at all.

While it may be easy and more convenient to chalk someone up, in matters of the heart. . . .only the people involved get to make those choices. I don't think the OP should get discouraged, I honestly think it will work out should both of you work on the relationship.

Him going to strip clubs might not be helpful though.

[Pocket]

I have sever stress and anxiety disorder and depression.. I know what that hurt feels like.. but after we talked the other night..the next day is was saying the opposite..

Saying I'm smothering him because I'm always here and that he has nothing to say to me because our convos are summed up in 5 minutes.. then telling me its ok to talk to him....

[Belial]

Could he be Bi-polar?

Since he seems to say one thing one day and the next, something different.

If so then that isn't a bi product of depression.

[Pocket]

I'm not sure..we can't afford a doctor bill right now.

[Belial]

If I think of anything else to suggest, can I let you know?

[Pocket]

Yes that'd be great. ^_^

[Coda]

I'm always here and that he has nothing to say to me because our convos are summed up in 5 minutes.. then telling me its ok to talk to him....

This isn't that unusual, truthfully. This is the hard part in any marriage, depression or not -- when you've talked about everything there is to be talked about, and you already know about everything that goes on in each other's lives, the conversation feels like it dries up. It's difficult, I know. I've dealt with that in my own marriage; indeed, I'm still dealing with it (though as I mentioned, from the other side of the issue from you), but it's not as bad as it was before. It's not any easier for the other partner.