[Salone]

Dan loped towards where he thought Tsaerri might be, intent on apologizing to her. Rounding a tree, he came across her. Or more specifically, one of her phantasms. He had a split second to duck before a shot of solid butterfly-like light arced over where his head had been. He rolled, scrabbling wildly to cover as the phantasm unloaded towards him. The echoes of firefights past queued up to trigger his brain, but for the moment he suppressed them as he moved around the large rock. He attempted to shout over the gun fire, pleading for mercy.

"Turn it off turn it off turnitoffturnitofffffff!"

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Okay, maybe I'm making some progress here. I can almost get my fingers through. Um...

Her concentration is broken by the distinctive sound of one of her duelists firing at someone down the road.

Oh, no. They didn't actually follow me, did they? I'll probably lose my job if I accidentally murder one of them... no matter how much I might want to.

She commands it stop, but doesn't dispel the phantasm, in case there's actually a threat. Climbing out of the water, she grabs the bundle of clothes and holds them against her as she peers down the road.

"Hey, um, whoever's there, you're not dead, are you? Sorry about that..."

Shrugging, she unbuttons the shirt and reluctantly slides it on. It almost comes down to her knees.

Very attractive... and apparently I don't have shoes either. Great, this'll go perfectly with my boots. Once I clean them.... I really should have learned the illusionary clothes spell....

[Salone]

Dan whined for a moment before he poked his head out from cover, eyes darting back and forth to look for his phantasmal assailant.

"Tsaerri? I...I'm sorry. Please do not kill me! I don't wanna die!"

Meanwhile an unfortunate Eduardo approaches...

Eduardo had decided to take an excursion in the direction he had seen Tsaerri walk towards. In his hand he dangled a fat sack of gold, one he knew to contain exactly one thousand gold pieces. Or more, he always had trouble remembering to stop at the correct 'zero'. He called out, letting the entire area know of his financial burdens.

"Tsaerri? Are you around? I hwish to bestow upon you a small token of gold pieces. Is a thousand gold the correct amount to cover the dowry?"

[Suzerain of Sheol]

"It's fine! I won't shoot!" She dismisses the phantasm and sets about trying to clean the slime off of her boots.

And then she hears the second voice calling at her down the road.

...what?

WHAT?!

Fumbling to get her boots back on, she stomps back up the road to demand an explanation from the Sylvari.

[Salone]

Eduardo continued on, idly swinging the bag back and forth as its contents jingled. He honestly didn't understand how human relationships worked. It seemed like such a process, and then suddenly falling in love and out of love and maybe it was just all caused by those...what were they? Ah yes, glands and stuff just pumping chemicals through them. He wondered if humans were just complicated test tubes reacting to chemical compounds being introduced to a system. It made their entire lives sound incredibly depressing.

"You are courting the one who is economically challenged, yes? I wish t-"

He stopped, seeing the peasant clothes she was currently draped in.

"Good human heavens, what on earth are you wearing? This is a travesty! Horrid, simply horrid! I...you look like such a...a peasant!"

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Are... are you serious? I'm not even allowed to pull a gun on this one! Skaeye, I swear, when I get back, we are going to have a serious conversation about guild contracts....

"Where have you been? You think I want to be wearing this? And what are you talking about, I'm not courting anyone."

[Salone]

Eduardo widened his eyes, looking rather flustered.

"Oh! M-my apologies. I simply thought actions towards, erm...never mind then. Still, that dress is...no, I cannot abide by this! This is simply too much of a disaster and I hrefuse to have you in such...lower class clothing."

With a flourish he produced a scroll of paper and raised it in to the air. It shone for a moment before it ZWIPPED! in to the air. A brief moment later a very disoriented merchant appeared with a brief flash of light, looking very confused before straightening up, looking at Eduardo with beady eyes. Eduardo cleared his throat, addressing the man as if he were hard of hearing.

"This Laaaady requires your services. Apply any purchases to the Thicktree account, hwill you? Good chap."

[Suzerain of Sheol]

'Are... are you serious? Uh, okay..."

Well, if money was no object this wouldn't take long at all, it was just a matter of placing the order. She walks up to the merchant, poking him in the arm to test if he's a real person. He appears to be.

"*ahem* Hello there, miss! What can the Black Lion Trading Company do for you today? As a special express customer, we're happy to provide any service great or small for your convenience. How may I help you?"

Shhhhhhh don't giggle. And don't be too greedy... hmm....

"All right, I'm going to need a full set of Assassin-brand exotic light armor, six transmutation charges, six Superior Runes of the Scholar, and there's this order I've been waiting on for a while, if you could check on that, my name's Tsaerri Mir..."

"Ah, yes, of course we can. I can be back with your goods in just a moment. It should come to a total of 75.61, if that's okay...?"

[Salone]

Eduardo blinked, looking rather confused.

"Seventy-five...point sixty-one? Gold splits? I did not know there was a unit below that...no, no, that is ridiculous. Just round it up to an even seventy-six. Chop chop! Away to your duties, merchant man!"

Hey, what's Dan up to?

Dan finally slunk from cover, attempting to approach Tsaerri and Eduardo as meekly as possible. While it is hard for a Charr to look pathetic and harmless, he was doing his best to look as such.

"Is um...everything okay?"

[Suzerain of Sheol]

"Luckily for you, there's almost nothing that can't be fixed by throwing limitless amounts of money at it"

Tsae glances up at Dan. "You might have almost incinerated me, and inadvertently destroyed my favorite outfit, and possibly ruined my hair forever--" Damn it! I should have gotten some conditioner. Do these things work for more than one order? "But I'll be fine. Sorry for... almost shooting you."

[Salone]

Dan shrugged meekly, his reserves of social stamina beginning to drain.

"I, er, am sorry. Sometimes I blank, and don't remember what I do, and...er, as long as you're okay. I'm sorry for the hair."

He turned, pausing for a moment and awkwardly catching Eduardo's eye before he took off towards the rest of the group at a high rate of speed.

Eduardo? What's Ed got to say about it?

"HWhat a strange person."

Eduardo frowned, watching the retreating back of the Charr.

"He doesn't seem to talk much, does he? Just sort of...explodes and then fades in to the background."

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Taking a glance at the Charr's surface thoughts as he stammers out an apology, Tsaerri decides she doesn't want to do that ever again.

"It's... fine...? Yeah, you just, uh... go on, then."

To Eduardo, she adds after he leaves, "I think... it might be better not to ask. Just treat him like a force of nature and clean up the wreckage he leaves behind."

Is 'force of nature' offensive to Sylvari?

As she's pondering, the merchant returns, bearing a large, gift-wrapped box, which he hands to her.

"For you, ma'am, as ordered. An ensemble of the finest Assassin armor, six charges, six runes, twenty-six of our famous Black Lion Chest Keys -- we threw in an extra one for your generous order -- and one bottle of lavender-scented Elonian oil, a gratis.

"Wha-- but how did you know?"

The magical salesman merely winks knowingly. "We have our ways. Taking care of our customers is our number one priority."

And with that, he vanishes.

"Huh, and here I thought making trillions of gold was their number one priority... anyway, if you want to vacate, Ed, I need to get changed. Then we can get going. Thanks for the charity."

She almost considers hugging him, but for one thing, she's holding the package, and this is already awkward enough, she decides.

[Salone]

"Well, I can hardly have you parading around like that. If hword got out that Eduardo Thicktree hwas..."

He paused, taking the time to shudder at a horrific thought.

"Being frugal. Ugh, forgive me. I hate using the 'f' hword in polite company I shall leave you to your changing."

He strode off, going back to rejoin the others.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Okay, let's see... we'll just transmute these, get the runes attuned... hmm, what do I want to wear? While she's deciding, Tsaerri pours out some of the oil in her palm and works it into her hair, breathing out a sigh of relief as the tangles dissolve.

Hair's going to be a mess regardless, might as well go with something comfortable.

She throws off the peasant shirt and begins to dress. Distracted by literally everything that's happened in the last hour, she doesn't hear someone approaching until it's too late.

"Oh ho, what's this we have here? Pretty little girl all alone on our turf!"

Tsaerri ignores the ruffian and continues dressing herself, tugging on her gloves and frowning at a chip in her nail polish.

"Hey, now! I'm talking to you little one!" Like the oaf he is, he makes a clumsy grab for her.

Tsaerri steps back gracefully, stealthing herself and leaving a clone behind that dissolves into butterflies as his filthy hands scrabble for it.

She walks off back up the hill toward her companions.

And I didn't even kill him. One point for me.

[Salone]

Eduardo sauntered through the forest, moving at a slow pace to take in the views around him. He just barely missed an arrow to the face as three bandits sprung from comically unexpected hiding places, waving a crossbow under his nose.

"Alright plant, your money or your life! Give us every piece of gold you got!"

Eduardo looked puzzled, frowning at the crossbow. He pushed it away slowly, sizing up the odd folk who were accosting him.

"Is this...highway philosophy?"

The bandits looked at each other, briefly dumbfounded before trying agian.

"Your money or your life, plant!"

Eduardo clapped his hands together, looking positively tickled.

"Oh, a puzzle then! HWell, let's see. If I choose my life, I can always get more money, even if I hwere to give you all of it. And it is a lot. I'm rich, you know. But if I were to give you my life, I hwould have all my gold, but I hwould be dead! And I suppose if I am dead but have gold, I still cannot purchase more life. So I suppose the correct answer here is 'life', yes? Do I hwin? Did I solve the puzzle?"

The bandits were stupefied. The head bandit, or at least the bandit who mattered enough to the story to have the speaking lines of the trio, tried once more.

"Give us the money, or we'll trim your trunk!"

"Oh!" Said Eduardo, "You want my money. Why didn't you say so?"

From within his robes he produced a bloated bag of gold, handing it to the bandit. He salivated as he let the crossbow drop to his side, stretching a hand out to take it. He took the bag as Eduardo let it go, and instantly grounded himself as the impossible wait of one thousand coins drug him in a hilarious manner to the ground. Eduardo frowned, seemingly disappointed.

"I say, that happens to everyone. I thought people hwere more accustomed to money around here. Is there anything else I can do for you gentlemen?"

The non injured duo looked between each other, shrugging awkwardly before shooing him away. Eduardo turned to leave them, walking away as if his jaunt had not been interrupted as the bandits helped their injured friend to his feet.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Times I do not regret being a mesmer... I really probably should have killed him. He'll just find some other poor girl to abscond with. We'll see what Syrgei thinks of that.

Coming up the path, Tsae comes upon a curious sight. Three more disheveled men struggling at a sack overflowing with gold coins.

Only one person I know who carries that kind of money around... He really is naive.

"Let's see..." she mutters quietly to herself. Just a tiny hallucination, some sounds from down the road, there we go! "Oh, no! The Seraph!"

Sure enough, they scatter.

And, again. What did that accomplish that leaving them dead on the roadside wouldn't have? They're liable to come ambush me on the way back once it wears off. For now, though....

Tsaerri places a portal entre right in front of the sack and drags it two feet forward with all her might. It takes a few tries.

That accomplished, she skips up the road, blinking to the limit of her portal and placing the exeunt, thankfully not far from the rest of the group. She starts to pull the money uphill the rest of the way, an inch at a time, reminding herself with every heave that she's a better person than people give her credit for.