[MuseSick]

I'm not really sure what to do. I've got this friend, and casually I can say we've never met before, because this is Trisphee, and almost everyone on here hasn't met the people on their friends list. So casually speaking, we've never met. We'd originally met through a friend.

But that's not the point MuseSick.

No, the point is that I really don't know what to do, I feel so guilty, because my friend (His name is Chris, I'll call him Chris now), has blocked me and isn't talking to me. That's not the problem. But it's what's leading to me feeling guilty, and me noticing I feel guilty, ALL the time, even though I shouldn't. No matter what I do, even if I did nothing.

So- him and I were talking, now he's basically a hipster and a know it all, he always has to be right, and he thinks he's the most original person ever, he tries so hard to be original. Well, today I mentioned how I want to go back to asking Questions of the day, but I don't think anyone will read them. He brought up how he'd started doing that two years ago on facebook. Yeah no problem, cool. So I told him "Oh really, I've been doing it on my blog since I was 11! ^^ I stopped around last year~ So I've been doing it for about 3 years or so!" and he was like "But I started doing it on facebook" which, I mentioned I'd done it on facebook, blogs, ect, and that I knew lots of people who did it too. Now, he knows that I don't know a lot of people, so based on Ratio, I talk to about 10 people, and 5 of us do it.

He got mad, and claimed I made him feel worthless and like this was his thing, and all he does on facebook and stuff, and now I made it's meaning dissapear. This- pissed me off, but I held that in because I never want him mad at me. I actually have panic attacks, frequently, and the thought of him being mad at me usually sends me into a state of hyperventilating and crying and puking. But recently out friend Alan, the one who introduced us told me to stop being so reserved, and say what I feel, and I'd find out through trial and error what he (Alan) dislikes me saying. So I was almost about to rip Chris a new asshole. But I stopped and told him that he was wrong, and it doesn't make it less valuable, because not everyone asks the same questions. Now he's actually not even currently doing questions of the day, so he took it as EVERYTHING that he posts, is suddenly less meaningful. So he blocked me on MSN, and made a status even about friends, which I saw. I apologized because that's how I am.

But what bother's me the most is that I, feel guilty for him getting mad at me, because not only did he put words in my mouth earlier, but he also took everything I said the wrong way. Why should I feel guilty? I even explained to him what I'd meant, and he still continued to go back to what he'd thought I'd meant.

Discussion:
Why do I always feel guilty?
What makes you feel guilty?
How do you stop feeling guilty?

[Espy]

Guilt is all about mindset. If you say sorry to him, it'll eventually get the better of you, just like how...if you smile, even if it's forced, after a while, you'll start to feel a bit happier. I would feel guilty, too, at first, but the point is to not keep thinking you're guilty. Justify your actions to yourself; don't try to explain them to him, just keep it to yourself for now. You need to build up self-confidence; guilt's the opposite of that.

Not gonna say anything about the "original" issues...that just makes me want to bash my head against a wall.

[MuseSick]

I did say sorry to him, but originally I told him I wasn't going to, because I hadn't done anything wrong, I said that out of anger though, even though I shouldn't need to apologize to him, in my opinion anyways.. Guilt is something I've manifested since I was a child unfortunately, due to my, needless to say dysfunctional abusive relationship with my Dad. My parents would near divorce every month, and he'd blame me.. So I've always had the guilty thing running for me..

But feel free to speak on the original issue. I'd like to hear what you've got to say, to be honest.

And thanks Espy, I'm working on the confidence.

[Espy]

I highly doubt you want to hear me rant, though? XD

[MuseSick]

xD Actually, I would.
I kind of like when people rant.
I do it a lot too.
Plus- I'd like to see who everyone kind of think's is in the wrong in this situation~

[Espy]

Well. Okay then. I'm hella blunt, so...watch out for my cussing.

Okay, to me, he seems like a freaking stuck-up brat who thinks way to highly of himself. He should learn to give his ego a haircut, or at least toss it in the dryer to shrink a bit; not everyone's gonna put up with that kinda BS, I know I wouldn't. Seriously, whoever thinks they're good enough to give another person the silent treatment is just a damn prick.

Really, he should learn that having arguments over who started what first makes him seem naive and idiotic. It's also easy as shit to see the BS; it's usually when people start running out of logical stuff to say and instead spew crap.

Go ahead and rip him a new asshole; maybe he can shit out some of his ego.

[MuseSick]

-didn't see the spoiler- -reads-

....-done reading--
-hugs- I hate to say I get satisfaction from peoole saying he's an asshole, but because I won't do it, and I'm only human, I do.
And you're right. I think he just wants everyone to think he's a genius. I don't think he notices that vast intelligence, knd of like beig a football player (sterotypically) comes with being an asshole as well. But I'm done being upset or well feelIng guilty over this, I sent him a formal apology, and he didn't say anything to it. That's his loss.

Thanks Espy.

[Espy]

Haha, I know I suck at comforting people, but-

-hugs-

[MuseSick]

xD I was hugging you because that made ne laugh.
I think it's because I can personally point out things I see in other people's friendships, and I sort of deny it in my own. Because I lead myself to believe I would know it that was the case.
So it's always interesting to see how people see my friendships and such. *nods*

[Daring Scylla]

Eugh. This is a complex situation. Hopefully I can shed some insight.

I had a situation that is somewhat similar with a friend, about a year ago. We'll call her Lena, because that name is pretty and I like it.
Lena was like a leech: she took a lot of stuff (money, clothes, rides) from me and never gave anything in return except introducing me to Marble Hornets and I freaking hate Slender man.
We got along fine at first - then her true colors started to show. She was arrogant, self-centered, hypocritical, over-sensitive, took everything as a personal attack, thought she knew everything, and expected everyone to cater her posts around her needs and thoughts. If someone posted something that offended her, she got angry at them, called them 'stupid,' 'rude,' 'shallow,' etcetera. However, she felt it was perfectly fine for her to troll incessantly, insult my friends, make fun of me to my face, elevate her talents above those of everyone else, and in general act like a complete bitch. No one was allowed to point out her flaws - yet she was allowed to deride others for theirs.
After a while, Lena called me out on some bullshit claim about something I still haven't figured out - that was the end of our friendship. She said she'd like to keep in contact but wanted time away from me.

I have to tell you, that time away from her opened my eyes. I felt a lot better about myself, got along better with my friends, my wallet wasn't so strapped for cash and gas was a lot less money-consuming.

I felt guilty for not caring about Lena - financially, she's hard-up (then again, so am i, yet I'm not leeching off of others) and she's probably got some weird pathos going on. But honestly, you have to weigh in this - is your stress, guilty, worry and unhappiness worth the friendship of the one who causes it?

My heart told me to stick with Lena, that she needed me. But my head told me that Lena was a selfish, treacherous bitch who does not need my attention.

Look at it logically, then look at it with your heart - what is this person worth to you, and more importantly, WHY?

Something that helped me to sort my thoughts out was to sit down and make a list.
I made a list of things Lena did for me, of things I did for her, and then things we both did that were bad. I assigned each thing a score (for example, holding her head over the toilet while she was drunk got 10 points while giving her a hundred dollars was worth 25) and subtracted the bad things from the good. Guess what? Lena's score for me was in the negative.

You have to evaluate who's going to suffer, who is going to benefit, and most of all, who you care about most in this relationship. I still feel bad for not keeping in contact with Lena on occasion, but in the end - there are a lot of other people out there who don't treat me like crap like she did, and in the end, I like me better.

I hope this helps: figure out who and what matters more, and most of all - why. Having good whys to something can help you make that executive decision of whether or not you want to stay in contact with this person.

About the guilt thing: The list helped me with that too. Why should you feel guilty for the unnecessary way you are being treated? Look at it from a cold, logical standpoint: Who has the fault? Who should feel guilty and why? Most important is that you never stop asking why. Why are you guilty? Why should you feel guilty? Why shouldn't the other feel guilty? Who supports you, and why? In this case, i support you because this guy sounds like such an arrogant tool who has misplaced hatred on a friend who gives him nothing but support and kindness.

That you apologised shows your maturity. You can only wait for him to change his behaviour now - the ball is in his base.

[Yokuutsu]

You shouldn't feel that way. It's all on your friend. He's the one shoving words in your mouth. Either he'll grow up and get over it....and realize how stupid he was....or he won't. Either way, you need to not feel guilty. The only thing I know that happens with that is time...possibly.

[MuseSick]

@Darling: That's the funny thing about my situation, is that when people ask me for advice, I tell them the cold, hard, truth. I tell them exactly what they should do, and give them options on what to do, telling my friends to do the points and list system was one of my favorites. But then when I turn around, I can never help myself. I think that's why I preferred helping people, because I could ignore my problems for the sake of theirs. Him and I have the same kind of past, with the abuse, and the father thing. So I think my favorite thing to keep him around for is, to help him, to practice my psychological standing, I feel bad saying it, but I use him for entertainment, and to practice. But I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it. Today was kind of the tip of the ice berg in a way. He told me he was too busy to talk to me, but he's online, on MSN, on facebook, talking to everyone else. So- that was my (for lack of better words, I apologize for being vulgar D:) "Fuck you" kind of moment. I'm done talking to him for now, but something about him always draws me back.

@Yoku, we ended up talking again, no problem, but today yet again, and he did something between what happened then and now, that almost makes me not forgive him.
I think it's getting easier, the more he screws up, the easier I find it to tell him goodbye. I think if he screws up a couple more times, I'll be done with him.

[Arcikii]

Warning: Contains Cursing and Ranting.

Let's start off about originality and Chris:
To be honest, sometimes I act like Chris, but not to that extent. I like being original and unique, and sometimes I dislike it when people say that it's not so original. Sometimes, I feel like I need to be right, but I only say something unless I'm 99.9% or above percent sure I'm right. But the difference is, I don't throw a bitch-fit when people do say I'm not that original or whatever. I'm probably younger than Chris and that makes matters even worse. Honestly, I say if he wants to act like a dipshit, let him. But then again, I can understand where he's coming from because you had this great idea but then your dreams are kinda..well..crushed..But he blew it WAY out of proportion so I say, next time he acts like that--DEUCES!

Now, about you feeling guilty. I think it's because of your more introverted personality that you're like that. For me, a couple of years ago, I kind of let everyone walk over me because I felt like I was something that was useless and the least I could do was let people use me. That may or may not be your case. Anyways, I think that--like Espy said-- if you build more confidence then you will feel better and not guilty. How to do that, you ask? For me, whenever someone pushed bullshit...er... crap onto me, I gave them a piece of my mind. It's not acting like a bitch, if they can give you their opinion, so can you. But then again, that's what I'd do. ^^

[Zenella]

It's hard to not feel guilty, to not blame yourself for things when you've been doing it for so long. But you are nowhere near in the wrong in this situation.

It's hard as hell to be original nowadays and he needs to realize that. Just because his question of the day thing isn't original doesn't mean he needs to stop doing it, he's just being a whiny baby.

You've already apologized to him and he is still acting like a jerk so I say just move on. You've done nothing wrong yet you still apologized like the bigger person would and if he doesn't want to accept that, it's his loss.

I feel guilty about almost everything. Even though I hate them, I feel so guilty whenever I kill a bug. I think some of us just have guiltier consciences than others. And it's hard to stop that guilt but I don't let it consume me. I just accept that I feel guilty about something and move on.

[MuseSick]

Sorry for never reply guys, I ended up leaving Trisphee for a bit~
And I really appreciate all the help you guys gave me.
Him and I still talk, but we're not close, I find, leaving him alone easier. I'm less dependent on him, but he still exists. He's just- not in the center focus anymore.
And eventually, I called him out on it, I was helping him through a breakup with a girl he actually liked for a change.
And he said she called him an asshole, a negative asshole. So I told him how she wasn't wrong, how he wasn't even an asshole, for questioning her, but an asshole for not saying sorry and I linked it back to what he did to me.
He told me he didn't mean it, he'd only said it, he didn't know why he said it because it wasn't true. He told me he was sorry. Honestly- I was hoping for a little bit more of an apology, but I didn't get it, but I'll settle.

Thanks a lot everyone~