[Umaeril]

Ok I was just wondering a couple of avatar "lifestyle" issues and perceptions and want to see what other people think, if you are willing to discuss it.

Let me preface by saying that I think for most people they are either male or female in RL. But for some people there is either some leeway, medically (e.g. hermaphroditism) or perceptually (e.g. transgender). I understand this and if you have this situation and wish to address how you approach avatar gender that is fine.

Feel free to not answer the questions specifically but just to discuss this issue, this is not a "answer only" kind of a thread but a discussion thread. I just put the questions here to focus the discussion.

Ideas to discuss:
1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender? Just answer as much of this question as you prefer.

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?

[Slylord]

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender? Just answer as much of this question as you prefer.

I'm male and so is my avatar. It's just easier. Sometimes avatar sites have more female items so I go with a female avatar.

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?

I'm neutral. If I'm curious I just ask.

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?

Like I said, I don't care not knowing. But if I get to know someone and we talk awhile I'll ask.

[Umaeril]

Hi Slylord, I think my answers for #2 and 3 are about the same as yours. I am female and just feel more comfortable with a female avi (though I have one male avi at another site just for mule purposes). However, I don't care what others do and I never ever assume gender (or age for that matter). I try to tease it out if I want to know...sometimes if I know the person well I might just ask them outright. But most are just neutral to me.

I think though, that this neutrality sets up a wall in a way. Because in general we are a dualistic species, we can't help it. In my language there are few gender neutral pronouns or way to talk about someone without referring to gender. So I have a sense of not really knowing the person until I can establish what they are...to some extent.

[Slylord]

Agreed, agreed.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

I switch between genders for my avatar, who is male right now but was previously female, and I started with a male avatar here though I am female. Really for me it depends on the perception I have of my avatar at the moment, whether it is a reflection of myself or it's own entity. Sometimes my avatar is me, and it's female then, other times my avatar is a character, or just an idea which I have in my head, so it can be either.

I do usually look at avatars to get and idea of the gender of a person, but I know that it's not always accurate. As long as the individual doesn't fuss if I get it wrong, I don't worry about it. I'm more concerned about being embarrassed or accidentally offending someone if I get their gender wrong and they turn out to be sensitive about it.

One of the things that annoys me a little about speaking with someone where you don't know their gender is that there isn't a proper way in the English language to do it. "They" isn't really accurate though it's what I use most of them time, and "it" is just insensitive.

[Ultima]

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender? Just answer as much of this question as you prefer.
I always use feminine/androgynous/crossdressing male avatars. Seeing as how I am genderqueer (not telling what sex I was born though ;P), this is as close to my "gender" as I can really get.

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?
Well there are a few users on here that I know are female an use a male avatar (and vice versa) and some users switch their avatars gender a lot. But if I don't know the user, I assume they are the sex/gender of their avatar unless I am told otherwise.

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?
All I care about is what pronouns to use without looking silly. Other than that, it doesn't matter one bit.

[Xun]

Hm, isn't this something?

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender?

I actually do have a preference, but it doesn't match my RL gender. The reason why I use a male avatar is because of the way I write during serious conversations. No smilies/emoticons. No sillyness or "lol"s in a paragraph. It's just straight-up writing. I know the level of maturity here in Trisphee is high, but this is from my experience. The reason why I don't use a female avatar is because people have assumed I'm a guy just by my way of writing things and giving advice. They think that it's weird for a guy to use a female avi, so I caved in and from then on, I started using male avis.

The only way you can tell I'm a female is by the way I talk during casual talks. I will pretty much use smilies and say lol in almost every paragraph. I'll also be a huge worry-wart.

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?

I do have perception issues, but once I learn about a person's real gender, the perception is gone. I guess the word pertaining to me is more like, "assumption" rather than "perception."

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?

I honestly don't care. If the person wants to tell me, they'll tell me. I have no issues with people withholding their rl gender.

[Tiva]

1. I have a female avatar because that is what I know, I understand how to dress a female and when I make a male avi I feel out of my skin unless I am cosplaying of Roleplaying.

2. I typically go by the name and then the avatar, like Suze's name makes me think female and the gender is neutral on the Avi a lot so I thought Suze was a female until I got corrected several times.... But I typically can make an educated guess off what they write and how they dress if their name gives me no clues.

3. I prefer to know so i don't look silly... like Ulti is They, Suze is a He, and Quiet is a she.. The three of them tripped me up for a while until I started to remember them. Espy is an Espy because they prefer not to talk about it on Trisphee at times.

[setsunaela]

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender? Just answer as much of this question as you prefer. I prefer female avatars, mostly because most avatar sites have more female items than male, and also because I generally am more feminine. I am genderqueer, though, so it doesn't really MATCH my gender...

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception? I have no issue with gender on the avatar matching gender behind the screen.. I have a few friends on other forums that use almost exclusively male avatars for general RP purposes but they are female, and I know quite a few people that fall under the Trans* umbrella in some way.

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it? Pronouns are good. I'd rather know someone's preferred pronouns, and if I don't, I generally will refer to them by username until I know. Unless they're awesome like Ultima and tell me in their signature.

Speaking of, I should do that.. >.>

[Serra Britt]

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender? Just answer as much of this question as you prefer.
I wholly prefer female avatars just because I have a hard time making "cute" male avatars. This applies to everywhere, not just Trisphee. It technically matches my RL gender since I portray myself as such in RL, but the reality is that my physical self is male.

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?
I almost always assume people are female. I hate to admit it but I do have a problem with males before I get to know them so I try to view people as female until then.

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?
I usually don't care, which relates to my issues. I do like to know eventually but I usually can tell after talking to them a while. I'm not ALWAYS correct of course...

[Ultima]

Originally Posted by setsunaela

Unless they're awesome like Ultima and tell me in their signature.[/SIZE]

Ultima is awesome? 0w0

[setsunaela]

Originally Posted by Ultima

Ultima is awesome? 0w0

Yes, they are :)

[Espy]

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender? Just answer as much of this question as you prefer.

I don't think I'm capable of creating a female avatar anymore. All of my avatars are based off some part of my own personality, usually the darker, more contemplative side. I've also done slightly insane-looking avatars when really pissed off. ...I'm good at tangents, aren't I.

How should I explain this...My avatar usually will match my gender. And there is a reason why "gender" is italicized.

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?

With regards to people I don't know too well, I usually assume avatar gender corresponds to sex. But then again, there have been people who I've completely assumed the wrong sex for.

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?

I don't care much.

[Kaunisenkeli]

1. Do you have a preference for your avatar gender and if so what is it and why and does it match your RL gender?
Oh, yes. My avatars are always female, and that does match my RL gender. I do tend to see my avatar as an extension of myself (albeit far more interesting and awesome than the real article), and I think that causes problems for me in accepting a male avatar. This might have something to do with my being a MtF transsexual. When I first joined Gaia in 2006, I remember that I had a male avatar in the very beginning, but this was when I was just starting to find myself. That male avi lasted less than a day, and I never looked back. I passed two years in transition this past July, and I'm finally able to live life as myself on and off the net. While I no longer need to escape into the world of the internet to avoid the physical truth, I would still have problems with using a male avi (which is why I don't).

2. Do you have perception issues with gender identification in that if you are looking at a obviously male avatar you think you are talking to a male person and same with female? Or do you have a neutral perception?
I try to maintain a neutral perception, and I always pay attention when someone specifies the pronouns they wish to be addressed by like Ultima has done in their signature (because I've sure had to correct people more than a few times in the past, if not so much anymore [thankfully]).

3. Do you like to know the gender of the person you talk to online, for example here at Trisphee, or do you just not care about it?
If they want to be addressed in a certain way, I will listen. In general, though, it doesn't really matter to me. If you're male with a female avi, or vise versa, I don't see that it's my business unless you want me to know.

[Gallagher]

1 - I'm female, but I prefer to be seen as male. I'm not bothered with just what I'm called, though. I usually use a male avi, though I often crossdress with him, or swap around the bases so the avatar wears male and female items at the same time. I'm comfortable dressing females, too, but I'm not as good at it. The breasts get in the way.

2 - I assume the same as the avatar, because I've known a lot of people that do want to be seen as what the avatar is and not what they actually are. Though, when they're crossdressing, I tend to assume neutrality. That seems like the go-to solution for staying between in most cases. There aren't many cases where I honestly can't tell what the avi is, at the very least, but that might be because I work so closely with the pixels.

3 - I like knowing, but not to the point that I'll actually ask. When I do know, I'm more than happy to follow with the proper pronouns, but otherwise, I fall into using they/them or rewording myself to just use their name instead. I've always used they/them for when I was uncertain, even when I was a kid and didn't know about gender/sex complications.

[Umaeril]

I am just amazed and impressed by all of the answers I have read. I carefully read what each one of you wrote and I am just over-awed that some of you are sharing the stories about your gender, about your avatars that you have shared. I didn't really know that this was something anyone even thought about when I asked. I thought I would come back to maybe an answer or 2 and there are so many answers and all so diverse and honest and heartfelt.

This is an amazing place here at Trisphee where one can represent oneself however one wants too. I remember when avatar sites were not so flexible though most are now allowing a crossover between the male and female items or making some unisex.

It does seem to be the trend though that people like to know how a person wants to be addressed. And we do have this pronoun issue in English so that can be a problem. But on the other hand there is a balance where asking may or may not be appropriate and the answers may be unexpected!