[Serah]

Hi everyone, it's me again...

I'm not sure where else to put this or who else I can talk to. I was hoping maybe you guys could give me some advice on my situation. I'm stuck in a rut right now. I've been seeing a therapist for half a year for my depression but this subject wasn't something she really helped me with. My problem is I don't know what I'm going to do career-wise. I am a college student halfway through to getting a computer science degree. It took me this long to realize I am no good at what I do. I have always been interested in computers and testing and debugging. But, code-wise I don't like it anymore. I look at what I'm doing or when I get help and I think, "What does this even mean and why should I care?" It's scaring me. I don't feel like I'm good at anything at all. The only thing I've done is work in community service. Helping customers with issues and walking them through processes and such. My therapist told me it was good I was figuring this out now instead of down the road but what didn't help me was hearing, "A degree is just a degree, you can always change it later." I can't afford to keep going to school forever it's emotionally draining me and I don't have a lot of money even with my parent's help. When I tried to talk to my father about this issue, he was less than kind. He told me that I need to figure out what I want and figure it out now. I don't need that kind of stress. And now I have this feeling of just hating my job. I know everyone says that but I just want to quit. I want to take a break for my emotional stresses and maybe find a less stressful job. I don't mind doing retail because I don't mind people or helping them but my job right now is stressful in the way that we have to make quotas even if we're rude to people. I can't stand that. I can't stand my boss breathing down my neck and making a mockery of me. It's stressful and half the time I go home and cry. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't talk to my family or my dad is just gonna get mad at me again. My friends only offer, "I'm sorry" as comfort and sometimes that's not enough. I sit by myself and cry feeling like I have no one to talk to and not the slightest clue on what to do...

[Kaderin Triste]

I think what would be best for you to do is to take a break from school, figure out what it is you truly want to do and then try again for a degree that you'll actually use. Because going for a degree for something you've discovered you don't want to do is just pointless. And I think that your dad's view of "needing to know what you want NOW" is really not right. Because thinking like that is just going to cause more stress for you. Don't worry about what he wants and focus on yourself. Think of the things you like doing, things you could see yourself doing as a career and then take the steps necessary to make it there. And if it takes a while to figure that out, don't worry. Hell, it took me 2 semesters at 2 separate colleges and put me over $14,000 in debt to figure that out the hard way.

Also, as far as your job goes, I would recommend looking for a different one. See if you can find a retail job where you don't have to make quotas like that. Because, as you said, you wouldn't mind it so bad if it weren't for your boss and the quotas.
But maybe try to find a job before you quit so you have the security of not being without one. Unless you want to take a break from work altogether for a while...
not knowing what your living situation is, I can't really advise well on that.

[Coda]

As a coder myself, I'd like to ask a couple questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to, and please don't feel like I'm trying to force anything on you or say your opinion is less valid. I just want to understand what drives you, so I can give better advice.

What drew you to computer science in the first place? Are those reasons still valid?

What is it about coding that you don't like? Coding for school, coding for fun, and coding for work are all three very different things.

How do you feel about business or management? Someone who understands code is valuable as a manager, as such a person would better understand the needs of their employees. On the other hand, this sounds completely undesirable for many coder-types.

Is there a position that meets the convergence of your interests? It sounds like you might enjoy doing QA for a development firm, for example.

[Serah]

@Kaderin: Well the summer is coming up which is good. I asked my parents if I could take a semester off so I could find out what I really wanted to do. Their response: "If you quit now, you'll never go back to school." Thanks mom and dad... Yeah, I don't want to rush into something if I just turn out to be miserable. And as for my job, I'm trying to get another one. I've called places but they never called back. I am looking though so I can try somewhere else. Hopefully. I would like to take a break from jobs and just relax this summer but I know that would really upset my parents. They just want what's best for me regardless of the fact that it's stressing me out.

@Coda: That's perfectly fine. I went into computer science because of a course I took in high school. It started off with programming silly stuff like a slot machine and rock-paper-scissors games. I realized that it didn't take me long to figure out these things and I was enjoying myself. I know that must seem kind of silly because that stuff is really easy. I took programming courses in college and after this class this semester I lost my enjoyment in it. So no, the reasoning is not still valid. I was enjoying programming in these classes now when I got an assignment I look at it and just don't want to do it.
I would say it's the whole having a deadline that started to kill the sensation for me. I used to enjoy even doing homework but recently even the simple stuff I hate. Every first program we get is "write a program that prints your name and student number" and normally the next one is "write a program that does simple arithmetic such as add, sub, mul, etc." These things I used to enjoy, now I look at them with regret and misfortune. I haven't worked for a company that requires me to code programs yet. As for coding for fun, I rarely do that now because it feels like it's more of a chore than fun.
I'm not so sure about that. I'm a little afraid of power. I am afraid that if I made a mistake it could cost me my job or the job of one of my coworkers. I'm sure I could adjust or work my way up then feel comfortable. But if I was put in a manager's position right away I get nervous of screwing up. I have been told I work well with others even if they don't like me though. That's a plus, right?
If you mean with my current job, not that I can think of. If you mean in general, I would have to do some research. I think I would enjoy QA, it makes me feel good to help people out regardless if it doesn't pay. I worked as a volunteer where I had to handle situations of dealing with customers. I got yelled at by some people but I smiled regardless.
I hope I answered your questions well enough.

[Coda]

Your answers actually sound pretty much like I expected. I wholly understand your frustration with writing stupid, trivial programs for homework. It makes the task completely boring and uninteresting.

Your parents are right about taking a year off. Statistically speaking, if you take that year off, you are very likely to have doomed your college career. Part of it is because it means you have to start paying off your student loans; part of it is that it's annoyingly hard to get financial aid if you're not a first-time college student coming out of high school. It's not impossible, but the odds are stacked against you. Instead of taking a year off, take a semester of general requirements -- stuff that will contribute to graduation no matter what degree program you ultimately choose -- and consider taking the fewest number of classes that will still have you considered "full time" (usually that's either 12 or 15 credits). Use that semester to think about your plans.

If you're interested in trying out a little bit of hands-on job experience, I could offer you a temporary position here at Trisphee where you could code something a little less trivial, just to see how you feel about it. If you find you don't enjoy it, then you'll know.

Being able to work well with others regardless of personal opinion is an INCREDIBLY valuable trait. Treasure it no matter what field you go into.

A business degree (perhaps Management Information Systems) is useful for a wide variety of positions, because everyone appreciates someone who understands business. It's directly applicable if you go into management, and it's relevant enough if you go into QA.

[Serah]

It also doesn't help that it's required we take one assembly course. Which I'm finishing up now but it was almost painful to take. I understand that it's important to start with the basic building blocks and go up, but this class was dreadfully boring.

Oh, interesting. I actually did not know that. I thought they were saying it in a way that implied that I wouldn't want to go back not that I couldn't go back. I would like to try that if I could I can't remember which general courses I still need.

That's alright, really. I think I may just feel a little pressured again. Not peer pressured but pressured with everything else that's going on with me right now. I'm sorry.

I will, thank you.
I did end up looking into getting a business degree instead, I think it was under networking. Regardless, I found that pretty much all the courses I took before hand wouldn't count except for my general courses. I'll have to find the sheet wherever I put it. My adviser showed me my current degree track and the business track, I feel it would be another three years of college. My parents and I have already spent so much on my education I would hate to keep pulling this. But like I said, I'm unsure of what to do.

[Coda]

I'm of mixed opinions on whether or not assembly classes are useful. In my degree program, we never took a class specifically on some CPU's assembly language, but the digital design class had us study a fictitious processor and then we did end up writing some programs for that processor, but the focus on the class was on how the CPU actually works, and the assembly language was just one tool in teaching that, not the actual objective of the course. That's a much better way to do it, in my opinion.

It's fine if you're not interested in taking the position. I understand completely; it was just an offer if you wanted it. I'll add that it'll remain open through the summer if you find yourself with some free time.

Your parents are paying for your college? That's awfully generous of them. My wife is still paying for her own, and my parents aren't covering all of the costs of my own education (I'm having to pay for the extra year I had to take). But if you're worried about the costs they have to pay, remember that you can take out student loans in your own name and pay them back.

What year are you, anyway?

[Tiva]

Serah if you are at a four year why don't you consider dropping down to a community college getting a business degree and going into the world and doing night school for a bachelors or going back to a 4 year college to get for bachelors. In associates degree takes out 2 years of school and will let you get a job in retail.

[Serah]

@Coda: I understand that they can be useful but in my personal opinion it wasn't too useful. Assembly language is kind of like a dead language in my opinion. It could be helpful but our professor had us use an assembly book that was terribly outdated. Oh yeah, the way some of them describe these courses are not even accurate. When you read the description you think it's algorithms but it turns out to be coding stuff using algorithms not really figuring out the algorithms themselves.
Thank you very much, I appreciate that.

Yes, they have helped me quite a bit. My mother makes a relatively high amount a year. I am very grateful to them so I would hate to continue trying to find what it is I'll truly enjoy spending more and more money. I'll bring that up to them. I think they're a little easier on me though because I'm going for a bachelors at a state university. If it was a community college I'd probably be paying for more of it.
Technically this is the end of my third year but my credits are slightly over sophomore level.

@Tiva: I've thought about that too. My parents aren't too keen on that idea though. They really want me to stay at this state university. I may just ask my adviser about some associate's or something so I can have some sort of degree behind me. I'm not sure.

[Coda]

I understand that they can be useful but in my personal opinion it wasn't too useful. Assembly language is kind of like a dead language in my opinion.

On the contrary, I said that assembly language classes AREN'T useful, and that presenting assembly language as one part of a larger CPU design class is MUCH more relevant than trying to teach some kind of assembly as an actual programming language.

If you managed to get through an algorithms class without studying algorithm analysis... um... I really worry about the quality of your school's CS program. The problem may entirely be your SCHOOL.

[MuseSick]

This was a few weeks ago, but I read your original post, and the start of some others, the one thing that stood out to me was when you said, "I like helping people."
It sounds a little bit like you've got something on your hands there. You're good at computer science, and you used to like it, I think as we grow up, or have something reoccur all the time, and it's no longer for fun we sort of lose interested in it. Kind of like some people and dating, or some people with sports, music or art.
I think because you care so much for people, and you've taken a step back and realized "This is what my job is about" it makes you hate doing it.
I don't think you actually hate programming now, I think your work atmosphere makes you hate it. I believe it's the people surrounding you, and the way your workers treat customers, and the fact it is all just for a quota, makes you hate it.
But you like helping people, and sure money is an object, but I think realizing now, right now, that you don't want to do this, and that maybe you want something more, is great. Money is hard to gather, the economy sucks, but hey, so does having a job you hate. And if you're one of the few people who don't stick with the job they hate, and have a chance to get a new one, that you love doing. I think you should take that chance regardless of money. Because when you're out in the world making money in something you love, giving half of it ever month to a loan, isn't going to be so bad.
I think you should consider how you feel when you open the door for an old lady, or helping someone with their bags, or someone who is struggling. From personal experience, that's how I learned I wanted to be a psychiatrist, because some girl, told me I had saved her life, and I realized nothing in life felt better than that. Nothing.
There are so many options where you could help people, and maybe, we don't really consider them, because like you said to Coda, you started off liking coding, and computer science stuffles (knows nothing about that stuff xD )when you were in high school, because it is a course they offer. Helping people isn't something they teach you there. But I some how, feel like you'd enjoy it.
You don't have to decide right now obviously, look at all those people in their 30's and 40's who are going back to school o.o;.
You could make a bit of money, and then go back to school.
School wont be so emotionally draining if you're going in for something you will love,of course you started off with that love for Computer Science.
But did you ever think maybe that was just a filler? Because hey, you're good at it, and someone, somewhere, down the line asked you what you wanted to be.
But whatever you do, I wish you luck ^^
And don't forget to check out occupations in helping people, i think you'll like what you see~