[MayChan]

I have an online boyfriend, we've been dating for 2 years now. We've hit some bumps that did tear us apart, but those bumps have made us grow stronger. He lives in Indiana and I live in Florida. My mom refuses for him to come visit and give him a chance to prove himself to my mom. I tried everything convincing her, she won't even let him come down to prom with me. It really upset me, but I guess it's not that huge since I don't really wanna go to prom. Just seeing him in general will be the best thing ever. We've decided since his dad has no issue of me being there and staying in their house that I shall go visit. The problem is explaining my mom that I will be leaving to go visit him, she will probably chain me down to the house...that's how bad I think it's going to go. I asked my sister who went to visit her online boyfriend first instead of him visiting for help. She's not very helpful...so I was wondering if I can ask the community of Trisphee for help. I love my mom, but she's very unreasonable. I understand she's being protective, but I really want to go see my boyfriend finally. She denied him for christmas time, conventions, birthdays and prom...I would like to very much see the guy I love so very much.

[Fauxreal]

I don't want to sound like your mom, but you never know a person till you live with them.

I've had several online boyfriends and meeting them in person has almost always been disappointing.

I would need more information in order to be able to help a little better.

Okay - so most of all I'd like to say, you are in high school aren't you? 17? 18? 19 even? How old is he? When you say you had some bumps in the past, what do you mean by that?

I honestly don't want you to get there either. He may be a nice guy - but what if his dad is a rapist?!

Now, I think that you are going to find a way to meet him either way, and if your mom wants it to be under her terms - she has to let him come over to you.

I'm not trying to sound like your mom - I just want you to be careful. Since you are are going to go either way... bring a can of mace with you.

[MayChan]

I am currently 18 and he is currently 21. He will be 22 this month and I will be 19 next month. I understand there is a huge safety issue that everyone will be uncomfortable with.

I know living with someone is different then just dating, but honestly I don't see a problem. I'm not saying that cause I am lovey dovey with him, it's cause we know each other so well already. I also know a good friend who is friends with my bf in real life up there also.

Just like any other relationship we had a bump our first time around, where we both had miscommunication, I at the time was still to shy to tell how I was actually feeling which lead to me cry to other people instead of him. Thought he was unhappy and thought it was the best for both of us to break up. He thought I was unhappy and saw it better to let me go since I was unhappy with him, but really i thought he was unhappy with me. In the end on that one we still cared and loved each other, just very miscommunicated. After 4 months we got back together after I just stop giving a crap and started being very open. I told everyone how I feel and stuff that I didn't do before, so those 4 months we both grew cause he realized that he should of figured out why I broke up with him and stuff like that, and mushy stuff like I was his missing piece. We stayed together since then.

I don't think his dad is a rapist...but I guess I never know that lol

Maybe this will push my mom into letting him visit me and letting him stay with us instead of wasting money on hotel.

I'll bring a bat xD

[MayChan]

Also another thing is, in the summer with the job my boyfriend has, it's impossible to ask for a vacation. His job gets very overwhelmed.

[Fauxreal]

Do you skype? or visual chat with him online. Skye, or g-chat... or whatever program?

[MayChan]

We MSN chat, Skype Chat, Video MSN.

[Red Calypso]

Could you perhaps stay with your friend instead of with your boyfriend?

[MayChan]

Well my friend up there is also a guy xD my mom would not be comfortable with that either. Going somewhere that far by myself isn't comfortable with my mom =/

[Red Calypso]

It's really not safe, I'm afraid I have to agree with her.

[Serra Britt]

Well, whenever I went to meet any online friends in RL, I had some guidelines, for both my safety and theirs.

Meet in public and stay in public, and bring friends.

Really, no matter how much I trust someone, and I trust people a lot because I'm good at reading them and am empathetic, I'd still do this because it's the best way to stay safe. Once you get past the first meeting you could do more, of course, and it will never be "fully safe" but I think at least meeting and spending time in a public place is a good idea for a first meeting.

Just my point of view on this, as this is what I did when I went to go meet Lunaryon a few weeks ago.

[MayChan]

I wish this was more simple T.T How can I ever actually BE with my boyfriend if my mom won't let him come visit me, when he's offer too...I really don't want him to spend money on hotel, plane ticket is enough ._.

[Fauxreal]

It's just because you are so young! Can I ask how many boyfriends you've had?

[MayChan]

uhh more than 5 in my whole life span. -embarrassed to talk about how many I've dated...- this is the first boyfriend I told my mom about though. I actually stood up to tell my mom about him and hope to not die

[Xun]

*flops in* Hi, I guess you can say I've had a similar problem you had and here is what I have to say.

Don't bother with this kind of relationship. Not to sound like your mother or anything, but when it comes to long distant relationships like that, some insane drama is bound to happen... in your case, your mother refuses to let you be with this guy anymore.

Now let me jump onto the other side since I'm sure almost everyone else made their comments regarding how right your mother is. <|Dg

If your boyfriend is loyal, trusting, and committed enough to keep you, he would go to you regardless of what your mother is saying and show how responsible he is to take care of you.

What helps in a long distance relationship is communication and trust. You make it sound as if there was enough of these two things to go around.

Just read this because the rest was practically long: Your mother is traditional, you're being modern. Such a fight is common, but don't let it get to you. If you truly want this to work, both you and your boyfriend have to prove it to your mom that it will.

Did I leave anything out? I dunno. Never really think things through while I type stuff.

[MayChan]

Haha, it's okie I don't think things fully through either when I type...

We wanted to do that, but my boyfriend doesn't want to go if my mom says no, cause he feels like that will be disrespecting her even more x.x which in my opinion probably will. He doesn't want to ruin the relationship with my mom and I. Knowing that if he comes down here and my mom still refuses to let me see him, I will argue with her until she lets me.

Only time he can truly visit is winter.

[Xun]

I can see how that would break the relationship. However, I don't want to come sounding like an @ss about this but... the fact that you're arguing with your mother regarding this situation... isn't that affecting the relationship also?

Sometimes, things need to be broken in order for everything else to move on-- in this case, your relationship with your mother. If you guys ever decide to get hitched, you need to realize once your married... the strongest relationship you should have is with your husband. After that, your family.

I don't know how old you need to be in order to pass as an adult wherever you live, but technically you're old enough to make decisions on your own and your mother should respect you for what you decide on as much as you respect her and her own decisions.