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Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
Default How hard is living?   #1  
Really how hard is it to be an adult? Or for that mstter to just have a life? We are raised our whole lives for this moment yet so many people have no idea what to do or say or how to do it. We run around like chickens without heads and yet the population base continues to grow.

I am so sick and tired of people pretending to know what they want or lying about who they are.

However none of this compares to how I feel about people. My biggest pet peeve I would have to say are shallow ignorant selfish people. The ones that no matter what you do to help they still take advantage of you. You could literally give the shirt off of your back and they would still demand more. Blood, sweat and tears are used to make certain people in this world happy yet for the consumerism population we call the human race it is never good enough and people are never satisfied.

Today was a very very bad day and all I have thought about through all of this is how disgusting and uncivilized the human race actually is. We pride ourselves in so many things and in so many ways yet non are acomplishments.

Low people work hard to get the top while the people on top laugh and kill the lower people just to stay where they are.

Money, status, religion....where would the human race be without these? What do you think? What in this world or what about this world bothers you? So much bothers me about this world I feel sick thinking about it all. Literally.
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-10-2016, 12:36 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #2   Coda Coda is offline
Developer
There are many times when I realize that I'm thankful that I'm a conflict-averse introvert.
Games by Coda (updated 4/8/2025 - New game: Marianas Miner)
Art by Coda (updated 8/25/2022 - beatBitten and All-Nighter Simulator)

Mega Man: The Light of Will (Mega Man / Green Lantern crossover: In the lead-up to the events of Mega Man 2, Dr. Wily has discovered emotional light technology. How will his creations change how humankind thinks about artificial intelligence? Sadly abandoned. Sufficient Velocity x-post)
Old Posted 06-10-2016, 02:09 AM Reply With Quote  
Tohopekaliga Tohopekaliga is offline
Forward Thinker
Default   #3  
I realized at some point that social interaction in jobs and the like very rarely ever change much from the way it was in High School. There's still cliques and gossip, and the cool people...it's just easier to ignore or walk away from.

Life isn't that hard, if you can find a way to not let the demanding people bother you. If someone will never be satisfied with what you do for them...do nothing for them. There is no need to associate with people like that.

If you can pay for your important expenses and live without too many concerns about where your money is coming and going, anything else can be dismissed, replaced, or ignored if it is bad for you. I think, anyway.
Old Posted 06-10-2016, 09:16 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #4   Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
People just bother me. No matter what you do in life it's never good enough. You can worry about no one but your self and be called selfish and this and that but when you do help and worry about others you get screwed.

It's hard for me to find a middle ground where I am happy because no one is bothering me. I don't think there was ever a time in my life when it was lile that.

I seriously just think I'm done with people in general wich is hard for me to say because I'm a very friendly kind and loving person. However I'm starting to find that I am caring less and less about...anything.

I had an insodint at work where I had to go to therapy. In this I found out something very interesting about myself that I now completely agree with.

I hate emotions. Good bad or otherwise I just don't do emotions. The last time I actually cried was 17yrs ago when my father died on the operating table and brought back. Since then I can't remember the last time I actually showed any emotion. To me it seems to be a way of blocking out the world around me that I just...despise.
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-11-2016, 06:05 AM Reply With Quote  
Coda Coda is offline
Developer
Default   #5  
Focusing on taking care of yourself doesn't mean complete isolation. No man is an island, entire of itself. If you don't care about ANYONE, then you're failing to take care of your own needs.

You don't have to care about EVERYONE. What you need is an in-group. For me, it's my family and a few close friends. People that accept you unconditionally. People that you love.

I'm glad to hear that you're seeing a therapist. I've been through that kind of emotional numbness before and it isn't good. I'm still healing.
Games by Coda (updated 4/8/2025 - New game: Marianas Miner)
Art by Coda (updated 8/25/2022 - beatBitten and All-Nighter Simulator)

Mega Man: The Light of Will (Mega Man / Green Lantern crossover: In the lead-up to the events of Mega Man 2, Dr. Wily has discovered emotional light technology. How will his creations change how humankind thinks about artificial intelligence? Sadly abandoned. Sufficient Velocity x-post)
Old Posted 06-11-2016, 06:52 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #6   Poggio Poggio is offline
Bald and loving it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tohopekaliga View Post
I realized at some point that social interaction in jobs and the like very rarely ever change much from the way it was in High School. There's still cliques and gossip, and the cool people...it's just easier to ignore or walk away from.
This shit is so true.
A part of me has just accepted being weird because I problem solve differently. I fucking hated highschool, and now I find that I am working in an environment that is just like highschool only people actually worry about the budget. There is no room for an idealist like me, who just wants to help people. Instead its we can't do that because that, or don't do this because as soon as you leave the room they will talk about you behind your back. It turns out they have, and I have only been on the job for two weeks. How stupid and petty.

Perhaps it is not your emotions but people will take advantage of your nature if you let them. I usually follow the fool me once rule and then if its someone I have to work with 3 strikes, then I wont help them anymore. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of patience and kindness, but working together as a team is both implying to be trusted, to be communicated too, and compromise. If your team mates are only looking out for themselves they will use you if you allow it. So I don't, and don't worry about others. Its different from not caring at all.

My job and my well being are more important to me. I can't keep getting worked up over office gossip. I do my job and go.
Old Posted 06-11-2016, 11:50 AM Reply With Quote  
Lawtan Lawtan is offline
Dragon Storm
Default   #7  
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink pantzer View Post
I hate emotions. Good bad or otherwise I just don't do emotions. The last time I actually cried was 17yrs ago when my father died on the operating table and brought back. Since then I can't remember the last time I actually showed any emotion. To me it seems to be a way of blocking out the world around me that I just...despise.
That, I an familiar with. I spent my time from 12 to 20 sort of with an "exterminate" thought with emotions.

For me, it was not being able to express thoughts or emotions others made me feel - they were scary, and being raised in an emotionally unstable household made the disconnect worse. So, bitter about everyone projecting onto me without any sort of release.

...I find it best for me to write it out, or use my creativity to design a macabre satire of the stuff that gets to me. And talking it out without fear helps.

*Offers pillow for Pink to scream into or punch*
Lawtan: A chaotic dragoness with issues.
__

��s ofer�ode, �isses sw� m�g.

__


Science, horror, folklore, and cuteness incoming!
Old Posted 06-11-2016, 03:34 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #8   Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
Well you see that's why I'm having such issue with this. In my family everyone is so open with everyone. There is no secrets unless it's me. It's not that THEY hold them it's ME. I have been through so much in my short life I guess I gave up early.

I know it's not healthy I have been told many a time it's not but it's not a switch that I can just flick to make things better. I honestly have been tying for...hell 18 almost 20 years to feel something anything....but nothing.

I gave into emotion once. Fell in love then he broke my heart in the cruelest way....

I just...avoid it all now.
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-11-2016, 06:46 PM Reply With Quote  
Poggio Poggio is offline
Bald and loving it!
Default   #9  
Merg I think I can agree to that. I know what its like to fall hard, fast and be left rummaging through the wreckage for what feels like eons to figure out what parts are you, what parts are them, and where do you go afterwards.

Each person must find their own path. I can only offer that you find a goal to focus on that will help you work towards something rather than letting your mind dwell on these feelings. Often skills and crafts, rituals of sorts can act as meditation.
Old Posted 06-11-2016, 06:51 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #10   Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
I do alot of those. I paint and I write and read alot. Though nothing seems to work out. It seems that when I finally start to break through and gain ground that life happens and everything is back to the start.

Recently my therapist told me I was making grounds. That I was starting to Crack the mask I have had firmly placed for years. This gave me hope...then my father collapsed. His health turned worse and now he has an estimated 2 months to live.

With out even saying anything after finding this out the second I walked into my therapist office she looked at me and only said "what happened?" I asked her what she meant by those words and she just tilted her head and said "your mask is back and whole once more." This happened about a month ago and since then no ground has been made.

I just don't know what to do anymore. As a child I was so care free...now...I'm nothing but a shell of my former self and I don't know where or how to change it.

Am I just doomed to be like this?
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 12:18 AM Reply With Quote  
Coda Coda is offline
Developer
Default   #11  
I wouldn't say "doomed," no.

It's true that it's likely that you're going to face relapses from time to time for the rest of your life. Psychological scars rarely fully heal.

However, progress is real. As you learn more about yourself, about your scars, about what triggers your problems, and most importantly how to deal with it, you will be able to avoid some relapses, to make others less severe, and to deal with the bad ones more productively.

Think about how long you were in therapy before your therapist said you were making progress. Now think about how long it's been since your father's health failed. Yes, it sucks. It sucks HARD. But that's OKAY -- everyone has stressful things they have to deal with, and it's not bad to be hurt by them, especially when it's someone you care about. But the progress you've made in your therapy means that you're going to be able to recover from it faster than you did last time.

And that, really, is the important thing. Yes, you're going to have to deal with it, again and again. But if you're being mindful, if you're learning about yourself, if you're taking the time to be healthy, each time it happens you'll be able to bounce back from it a little better.
Games by Coda (updated 4/8/2025 - New game: Marianas Miner)
Art by Coda (updated 8/25/2022 - beatBitten and All-Nighter Simulator)

Mega Man: The Light of Will (Mega Man / Green Lantern crossover: In the lead-up to the events of Mega Man 2, Dr. Wily has discovered emotional light technology. How will his creations change how humankind thinks about artificial intelligence? Sadly abandoned. Sufficient Velocity x-post)
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 02:00 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #12   Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
I understand that and I try so hard it just seems to get me no where. I know that it is not just one of those things that happens over night but...I don't know...I just want to feel happiness again. Like actual happiness not a facade I put to make others think that I'm okay...

I'm not okay...I'm far from it...but I want to be.

I have lost so many things in my life due to my personal issues that it makes matters worse. I try so hard to pull out of things but it's so so so hard to do alone.

I had only truly trusted one person in my life and he destroyed any....willingness I had left to trust anyone...people are dark and cruel and say what you want just so they get what they want. It's a very vicious cycle and one that no matter what I do I can't break.

I find myself caring less and less each day about anything and I don't know how to stop it.

In real life I'm a loner. I go to work then go home...that's it that's my life. I don't drink or party or go galavanting and because of this I have lost friends...lost of them. It seems to me that not partaking in societies view of...normal...has destroyed me in more ways then one.

I find it easy to talk here because no one knows the real me...how sad, lonely, hurt, heartbroken, and chastised I really am. It's almost like I am some one completely different but only because I can hide my real self....just another mask I guess.

I just wish there would be a change...I don't want to be this way but it's all I know.
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 06:55 AM Reply With Quote  
Coda Coda is offline
Developer
Default   #13  
Masks are useful. Masks are tools. Masks protect you.

It's 100% understandable.

You're getting help already. That's the most important step.

Try to find reasons to hold on to hope. Even if it's the stupid unconvincing intellectual hope of being able to tell yourself "Things are bad now, but it'll get better" despite the fact that it's hard to believe it. It really does make a difference.
Games by Coda (updated 4/8/2025 - New game: Marianas Miner)
Art by Coda (updated 8/25/2022 - beatBitten and All-Nighter Simulator)

Mega Man: The Light of Will (Mega Man / Green Lantern crossover: In the lead-up to the events of Mega Man 2, Dr. Wily has discovered emotional light technology. How will his creations change how humankind thinks about artificial intelligence? Sadly abandoned. Sufficient Velocity x-post)
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 07:16 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #14   Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
Honestly Coda...I have done that for so long...but when nothing changes how can one still believe it?

I can hope and wish for things to change. Hell I try my hardest to sorround myself with nothing but positivity but even then my thoughts are dark and I can't help it.

I want to be positive and I want to be happy but it's...just not...doable. I don't know. I just don't know what to think.

I have grown so acustumed to having masks every second of everyday. It's hard to even just think of a life without a mask...
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 09:50 AM Reply With Quote  
Poggio Poggio is offline
Bald and loving it!
Default   #15  
I suppose most of my positive jargon is of no use here.

Has your therapist diagnosed you with depression? If so do you have something to regulate your moods?
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 12:09 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #16   Pinkie Pinkie is offline
Rainbows and stuff
Actually I have chronic depression but due to other problems finding a medication that works it's hard. I haven't found one yet. My back meds effect alot of things for me...stupid back. Just another stupid thing in my life
~*~*~*~*~*~ ♥...If you will have me we shall be...♥~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~♥ ...Together forever and a day...♥ ~*~*~*~*~*~
Old Posted 06-12-2016, 06:11 PM Reply With Quote  
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