[Living Dead Boy]

Today I was in computer class, Sitting next to...let's call him Bob. Well, I was sitting next to Bob, and I wanted to ask him if I could consider him his friend. It took me a few tries to ask him this, for fear of him thinking me weird. When I finally asked him, he said, "Well, it's not really up to you whether you're my friend or not."

I cried. Right in front of him.

Discuss:
Friendship.

[Echo-chan713]

What a jerk Bob is

[Feythfull]

You don't want a friend like that. I haven't had many friends resantly. It would be nice to have a best friend. Considering right now I don't have any.

[Echo-chan713]

neither do I since I have a hard time trusting people

[johnny]

I don't mean to be a downer here or anything, but "Bob" wasn't really being that rude. He just stated that friendship is not an on/off switch that you can flip and make everything hunky-dory. He's right: it's not up to you whether he thinks you're his friend or not.

And crying in front of him was probably extremely awkward for him, so I doubt it won you any points. It also seems a bit melodramatic.

Friendship is organic. You can't just latch on to someone and say, "You're my friend, right?" and expect it to be a real friendship. There has to be a mutual care for one another that's felt by both parties, and that care doesn't just develop because you want it to.

[La Diablesse]

Wiggles there has a point.

But I would consider him to be -UNINTENTIONALLY- rude. I don't think he -meant- to hurt you with those words, but rather just saying what he believes to be the truth. Better than a lie right?

Also.. you can consider someone your friend, but it isn't reciprocated for whatever reason.

I must say I have a minor fear of things like that ^^;;

Me attempting to go out there and interact with people, and them just finding me annoying and a hassle to put up with >.<; It comes off as a bit stuck up tho.. because I won't talk to you unless YOU talk first. It just let's me know you're really interested in a casual conversation with me ^_^

Because of that, I don't have much, if not any true close friends. I don't mind so much. Acceptance and "fitting in" with this world is NOT my main goal.

-___- It's just that majority of humanity seems really silly and foolish .__. Small communities like Trisphee are nice, because all the UNIQUE people come here. The weirdos who accept other weirdos and don't do things just to feel like they "belong".

That's the kind of friends I'd want to have anyways... So I wouldn't stress out something like that.

[Ginger]

La Diablesse - I think you've pretty much explained the way I am. I don't like starting conversations because I won't know if the other party would be interested enough to listen, which is usually the case. I am viewed as stuck up and rude in the real world, when really I'm not either of those things. It seems like the second I open my mouth, people think I'm rude just because I said something. That really makes no sense to me and I don't know why people think I'm rude.

Living Dead Boy - Well, you can't just rush into a friendship. You've got to first as Bob how he is, and ask about some interests he might have. If you find he has similar interests as you, you can ask him about hanging out the next day to play video games, chess, Legos, Hot Wheels, or whatever common interests you share with him.

[Echo-chan713]

I'm like you too, I wasn't raised to be social because I wasn't open to a social enviroment like a park, I've always been sheltered my whole life. So it's hard for me to talk to peers because I don't want to feel like a dumbshit in front of them. And if I say my opinions or anything they'll attack me then I withdraw myself then shut down like a computer.

[Ginger]

Same for me. I hate feeling attacked, especially since no one wants to side with the quiet person and I'm always left to fend for myself.

[Panda]

Thing like this never happen to me and even if someone hate me they end up being my friend again. Most of them said that they can't get at me no matter what I do.

Are you both good friend before?

[Blaine]

Friendship? Most of it is fake. Sure, people smile at you, people talk to you, but the moment someone else comes in, someone "more important" than you, they leave and hang around that person.
True friends are the friends you've not seen in 10 years that when you get together it's a glorious event.
Those that call over these long periods of time.
Those that listen and actually give advice and tell you when you're sorely mistaken or becoming self-destructive.

Unfortunately, such a fraction of true friends is about 1%.
Because it's all just fake, from what I've seen. :/
And no one really has tried to show me otherwise.
because there is always someone else who is just a little higher on their priority list, or a group of people that refuse to let anyone else in.

Why so bitter? Because this has happened to me more times than you can imagine, so, oh well.
I think what Bob said right because while to me, alot of people are my "friends", to them I'm most certainly not even close if only an acquaintance. Friendship is a mutual decision. Just like love.

Blaine is going through some bad times~ ;D <33

[Mica]

@Blaine: Just because you think that people don't care about you, doesn't mean friendship is fake. I've gone down the road of being back-stabbed, hurt and used but I wouldn't call it fake. Because in the first place, the people I wasted my time on wasn't even my friend to begin with if they treated me like that. With this 'bitter' perspective, you're expecting people to hurt you. This is the last words one would generally hear from me, but have a little faith in people.

People will always have priorities, just because this person isn't on my 'first priority' doesn't mean I don't think any less of them. Explain a relationship between a lover and a friend, would you consider the lover more important? In fact, in that situation, making that kind of comparison is unfair, isn't it? (Though personally I don't have that kind of bias, I love my lover and my friends, all with a different kind of love.)

Ontopic: I'm gonna agree fully with johnny on this one. Every single word. This is my opinion though, maybe Bob didn't try to hurt you. Maybe he was just being honest. Maybe this is how he is. And maybe, you'd know it if you got to know Bob a lot better. People change every single day, they grow and learn. So don't stop getting to know Bob and don't expect the world of him.

[La Diablesse]

Originally Posted by Mica

Explain a relationship between a lover and a friend, would you consider the lover more important?

It doesn't work that way for me. It all depends on length of time spent with that person and the QUALITY of the time spent.

Even if you have a newfangled "soulmate" you shouldn't drop your friend of 5 years to hang out with this lover all the frickin' time. It's very inconsiderate and you SHOULD show them the same amount of attention.

Actually... it's kind like "new stuff" effect humans seem to get. From since young, you get something new and that's your latest obsession. The old things go out of style.

Ideally, issues like jealousy should NOT exist because the lover should understand that you've known the friend for a while and enjoy spending time with them and the friend should also understand that you've got someone else to love as well.

I remember once I let my friend of now 11 years interact with my bf for the first time. She told me she found him creepy and thought he was a paedophile.

Did I jump on her case screaming that he's my LOOOOVE and she MUST be mistaken? No!

In fact, I jumped on HIS case for scaring her and partially blamed myself for not telling him about my friend's playful nature.

Why? Cause I know her for 7 years more than him... and though I may love him more.. i KNOW her more. And nothing can erase that.

He knows that.

And she knows that I love him tremendously. She'd even willingly listen to me drone on about how he makes me feel.

THAT'S how it's supposed to work. Not one without the other....

Anything else if fake, and you're better off without it. I've been through the popular crowd. Fussing over whether this is acceptable, and what's the next hang out we're making and if I miss it, they'll hate me.. UGHH stupid times... Feeling paranoid about not being around them... because if you're not hanging with them, you're a target to be talked about!

Terrible times. You do not want that.

Best to let friendship happen naturally. Don't force it. It's just like love....

[La Diablesse]

oh btw... Here's an insight to my break-down over stupid "friends"

Recently for some months now, I feel like my "friends" have been avoiding me. They wouldn't tell me when they're planning things, they'd forget about giving me something for my birthday/christmas/anything group related.

Also, I found that their personalities seemed to change. I'm attracted to crazy spontaneous people; people who aren't afraid to do stuff in public that would make everyone stare or get them labelled as crazy.

They're not like that anymore. They care sooooo much about their image. They keep putting up this stupid "pretty girl" front and I HATE THAT!! Not to mention what they talk about. It's only gossip, and boys; boys and gossip. Even when another friend is not around, they talk about her behind her back.

I've "known" these girls for 5 years. Maybe it's cause they saw me as a pity case 5 years ago. Back then I was crying because I was in a new school with new people and all my friends were gone. They literally said they were my friends when all they actually did was had me draw them.

Not to self: Drawing does not help you make friends.

My mother told me that it was probably my fault and to look at it through their eyes.

She said: "Maybe they think that you're ignoring them. You're a bit anti-social you know and you only want to talk to people when you want to talk."

It's possible... She also said I should send them an email, asking them what's going on. I did... I still haven't got a reply

My mom talked to one of them yesterday.
After she LIED and said I missed them. The girl said that they were still my friends and blah blah blah. It ended with "It's just a misunderstanding".

2 hours later. I'm on Facebook...what do I see?? oh right! Pictures of EVERYONE on vacation just having fun..

.um... wut??

Why didn't you tell me?? This is NOT the first time... nor the 2nd...not the 3rd...

I'm just really disappointed right now. I know that not everyone will like everyone but I don't appreciate them LYING to me. If you don't want to be with me...SAY SO

Don't call me your friend...

I'm not...

Extra stupid thing is? Their response was "Everybody's Doing It" 8DDD

"Everybody" is stupid... I don't want to friend with most people. Not my cup of tea...

Give me some weirdos plzkthxbai