[Soul Dreamer]

My boyfriend can't let go of my past and its been causing fights between us for almost a month now. he's best friends with my brother who tends to jump into the fights to try to help. it starts a fight between them. lately its like world war three around here. i don't understand how it all got started but i feel like i'm to blame. i don't want to lose my boyfriend and i don't want my brother to lose his best friend. i need advice but i think ive waited too long to seek help. can anyone help me keep us together? we were all so close before. :(

[Serra Britt]

The only thing I can really suggest is, if you have a time when you're both calm, to talk about the feelings that are triggering the fights. Tell each other that you wish to let feelings be known and to promise each other to not be offended by the feelings. Don't try to resolve anything right away, it's important to be able to tell the feelings and let the others know what's going on there.

The only problem with this is it can leave everyone rather vulnerable. That's why it would be important to promise to not be offended by what is said. Also it's important to reflect upon what is said so everyone understands the feelings involved.

I hope you are able to get to a place where you don't fight as much anymore :x

[Soul Dreamer]

thank you for the advice. i'll try it. i hope it works because its starting to bug me that we all keep fighting.

[Serra Britt]

I wish you the best. Conflict isn't bad unless it escalates to something like this.

[Fey]

I actually recommend bringing in a third party to mediate a discussion. Pick someone that isn't part of the 'circle' of involved people, but someone that may know what's going on. And if you can find someone that they both respect, or like, even better. When you yourself try to mediate things like this OTHER things, things that may not be the real issue, get brought up, and it muddies the waters. Usually a parent, teacher or mentor is a great person to ask to do this.