[Tiva]

I hate going my mother's house when school is out, it is a ticking time bomb for when I am going to screw up and she is going to threaten to kick me out. But she is my mother so I go no matter how much I have to walk on eggshells or go do things for her even though I work too.

Today was when the bomb hit 0. Between the fact that they are renovating and the room I sleep in is covered in their stuff and I couldn't unpack from college and two statements that I made today.
First of I am living in an apartment next year with Alpha and a friend. To pay for this I am using my college fund (My Social security checks that came to me after my father died), my mom some how thinks that this money is technically hers not mine now and that it is 'out of the goodness of her heart' that I can use it for college and come out debt free. The money is in her name, due to past problems and she was going to give me the lump sum of my rent at the beginning of the year since it is like paying for my dorm. (Explaination1) My Mother and her fiancé don't let Alpha and I sleep in the same bed because we aren't married, which Alpha finds hypocritical. So I stated that when they came up he would 'have a hard time being nice' and letting them sleep in the same bed. She then preached me on how I shouldn't let him separate me from my family, even after I told her that it was just a joke.

Then I told her that I would like to get married in TN, with Alpha's family. She blew up at me stating that I was just trying to run away from her. That if she moved to Baneberry (Where his Grandmother lives) tomorrow I would want the wedding elsewhere. Which isn't true, I love the city, the view, and the people, I would be fine with her living there because I could visit more often than her living with Eric (her fiancé) who can't stand me most days and is a complete ass.

She started giving me her icy tone of voice, which is worse than her yelling. And I went of to clean my room, moving out winter clothes and things that I won't need this summer to the kitchen so i could put them in the attic to get away from her. About an hour later she came into my room and demanded to know why I didn't want it in my home town and I told her the truth. My father committed suicide here, my grand father died here, and I don't want the place I get married to hold those bad memories. She got mad and threw at me the fact that after my dad died she asked if I wanted to leave Fayetteville, and I told her no. (Explaination 2)

I was upset and told her to leave me alone that I didn't want to speak to her, mostly because I know when I am upset I won't guard what I say and it would only cause further argument. She wouldn't and kept pushing me until I screamed at her to leave me the fuck alone. Realizing that I was serious and that I wouldn't talk she revoked Alpha invitation to our house until 'I talked to her and came to my senses', that means to do what she wants and not what I want.

I ended up in my room cleaning and crying for the past 2 hours, and every time she comes in and I don't speak she just keeps reminding me that all it takes for Alpha to be allowed to come for the week is me listening to her and doing what is best. She also states that if I don't that everything I have she owns, and that she will kick me out with nothing but the clothes on my back and destroy everything else before I could get it with court. (Added after I stupidly reminded her that I would go to court to get my Dad's things and the things his family has given me)

I still haven't spoken to her and am seriously worried that she will kick me out before the summer is over. I won't have a car, clothes, phone, or money other than my summer job and Alpha will be at basic. She is trying to act like I am being the spoiled brat who doesn't care about her feelings when I do but somethings I won't bend for.

I care about her but some times I wish she had died with Dad, or instead of him because her screaming at me throwing decisions that I made back in my face makes me want to go curl up in a ball and die.

I no long love my mother, she isn't worth it any more. I don't want to suffer her emotional abuse because I want different things for myself than what she wants for me. She will always be my mother, the woman who raised me, who told me my father died, and who at one time treated me like her best friend not her child.

Explaination 1 here:

The money was in an untouchable account that only my 'finical guardian, her, had access to until I turned 18. She could use the money to support my wellbeing but the day I turned 18 it was suppose to be handed to me. I turned 18 in the middle of my senior year, and she told me that I either signed the statement that it was in my account or she kicked me out. I chose to trust that she would pay for my college and give me the left over money when I finished or if I asked put the money in my account and leave it at that... It has not been that way.

Explaination 2 here:

I was 15 at the time, I had lost my Father in January and in May my Grandfather, the year before in April I had lost my other grandfather. I was depressed, and didn't want to leave my friends in Fayetteville, I didn't want to start a new school and I didn't want to lose my grandmother who lives here. So I said no at the time because of it.

[Poggio]

Oh Tiva, I have learned that there is no cure for bat shit crazy. It may lay dormant like a volcano but it is still there. While you are silent, start gathering the legal documents, and when you are ready cancel her card and access to your account. If you have no love for her anymore there is nothing keeping you there but a roof.

[Umaeril]

Hi Tiva, I don't know you but I actually read through what you wrote there twice. I thought about the legal implications of you signing away your money to her on threat of being evicted from your home. I agree most wholeheartedly with Poggio. Get your papers together and get your beloved items ready to move out on a moment's notice or better yet sequester them in a storage place. Have a plan in place. She sounds unstable for some reason. If you had a lawyer for the money, trust or whatever, contact that lawyer and say you were coerced into signing the money over to her and see what legal advice you can get. All the best. What a difficult situation.

[Kotomi]

if you can't get a place to hold all the items someone you know might be willing to hold on to things for a bit, some of my friends did that for me when I needed a place for stuff
however, I wouldn't base everything on getting the items saved or not...

she sounds unstable and unpredictable

I'm wondering how old your mother is, around, mine recently well I can no longer predict her responses
it's odd like if you don't do this, ike give me a hug, then I won't take care of this even if it is urgent... sort of thing...

it may be stress, did she start acting like that before or after your father's death? or when did you notice this change in her?

[Tiva]

Ummmmm hmmmm...... 3 to 4 years ago... when she got serious with her fiancé, Eric. That is when things started changing, she started changing the rules of the house. Snapping when I mentioned my Dad and then it got worse then better for a while.
I have been at college for the past 2 years so it is hard to tell sometimes. But she is fully in menopause now and the mood swings are getting worse. When I finally came back she acted like nothing ever happened, asked when Alpha would be arriving, and once cornering me alone told me that if I spot a word of it to Eric there would be consequences.

[Kotomi]

So some of the issue maybe ideas from this Eric guy and/or your mother feeling unstable with menopause

it might be best since it seems you are staying there for a while
is to possibly spend less time around her and/or be more careful what you say around or to her

with my mother, who I think is going through menopause, I'd found a slight combination of the two seem to help
if I spend less time around her, even if she kind of barges into my room a lot to talk, it reduces my chances of saying something stupid
also trying to limit how you talk to her may help, I have gone from long-winded conversations with my mother to very short ones when I can
some times a nod works or yeah okay or something short
I still talk to her some but mostly when she has something she wants to ask or say...
I started this because it was suggested to me and it seems that nearly anything I'd tell her became gossip to the people she is close to, it took me a while before I could do it but it helped me some

not sure if that will help or not
it just sounds to me you need to keep a little distance so not to make things worse or harder on yourself while you still live there