[Pocket]

Ok so last week my hubby and I got in a fight over something I shouldn't have done.. I know it was stupid and wrong but he hardly talks to me..

I looked at his texts.. and he has more female friends and there were a few texts from one of them that went through me.. She had texted something like "I just want to hit her upside the head sometimes." and then he told her that he had a naughty dream about her.. Ya that could just be him being a guy but then at the same time is that him not seeing me as sexy anymore....

But back to the "I just want to hit her upside the head sometimes." It made me think of the almost same thing with some of my ex friends that I had to get rid of.. To make all that into a short story...I'd vent to them about stuff and one day one of them came over and let my hubby have it..needless to say I got yelled at for it.. It was one of those "get rid of the friends or its divorce."

After reading that text from her...all I could think about was what the hell...I vented to my first ever friends down here where I live and I have to get rid of them or its my marriage, yet you complain about me to her!? How the hell is that fair...

I don't have any friends that I can go get a cup of coffee with anymore.. I work and sleep.. I miss actually getting out and about with others rather then being up my hubby's butt 24/7..

The fight started right before work and that night at work was hell for me.. we haven't "finished" the fight and you can tell..

I want to just scream at him "Don't you love me!?" A few other times, about unrelated things, he has made the comments about if he can't work to get it himself he isn't happy... I can understand that 100%. But the fact that after my mom passed away we were able to get our own apartment and soon our new home... and you haven't been happy the whole 2 years we've been married....

I just feel like I should say "I give up..."

[Perfectly Wicked]

Woooow, I'm sorry so much has happened Pocket.
D:

First of all the way this has played out makes him sound selfish and judgmental. It isn't fair that he can limit your friends to people that like him but he can be friend with people who aren't yours.

It sounds like he hasn't been happy lately... How have you been?

*edit, edit*
Forgot to add, I don't deal with it well. I hate unfairness in a relationship. That's the quickest way to end it for me. xDD;

[Moonless Midnight]

I agree with Wicked. Your hubby is your hubby but he has no right to limit whom you have as friends. Especially if he's allowed to have friends that don't like you. He seems to be a bit TOO controlling in my opinion. It's like he's saying "it's my way or the highway".

I think you should stand your ground on this point and see if you can get him to understand what your feelings are on this subject. If he can't even comprimise in this situation I'm not sure what you should do.

[Pocket]

Wicked~ To answer your "How have you been?" more in depth... I'm emotionally drained.. I'm done.. I want to just check out.. If that has the same tone of what I told you in one of my texts, I'm sorry.. I don't think I'd ever be able to bring myself to that point but in some way I wish I could just scare them into realizing there is something really wrong...

I have been through so many things the last 3 years that it makes me wonder..what if I didn't move away and stuff..how would my life be now?

I'm glad that I have friends on here that I can be honest with..I want to thank you for that...

[Perfectly Wicked]

That doesn't make me happy. :<

You shouldn't be forced to do something extreme to make someone notice that you're unhappy. While they/he isn't psychic and able to read your mind... he should be paying attention and listening to you and how you're expressing yourself.

I've got to be honest, Pocket. I've known you for almost a year and you've been unhappy more often then not.

Can you see yourself being in this situation for the rest of your life and being able to be happy and making your life into something that you will look back on with pride or satisfaction?

Have you both gone through any couple counseling? It can be really helpful in people communicate.

[Pocket]

I had said something about counseling and his reply was "What for?"

I don't know how he'd feel if I went behind him and set something up and was like "oh by the way..."

[Perfectly Wicked]

I think you should be really honest with him. If you don't tell him how you feel and what you're going through he will not know. Guys don't think the way we do, he will never figure it out on his own. True fact.

Tell him that you're really struggling with him, yourself and the relationship. That you love him and want to be with him, but that you feel that you both need help learning how to communicate with each other.

Let him know that this is very important to you. Stress that fact with out letting the situation get hurtful. Avoid yelling, personal jabs or insults at all costs.

Relationships are work but the goal is a partnership that can last for your whole life.

My advice would be 'fish or cut bait'. You either put in the work for a goal that you think is worth the work or you let it go.

But I haven't ever been married and am not a councilor so.. I know that I don't have all the answers. xD;

[Pocket]

So I now think I caught him in a lie.. I just want to scream...

[Randomology]

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GREEN!? a year since ive been gone and everything is green now...huh. Fizz and I are always open doored for you, pocket. Remember that no matter what you finally decide to do.

[Pocket]

Well we finally talked this morning.. I really don't think it helped though...seeing how he is now playing a video game instead of spending time with me..

He said the "naughty dream" text sent to me but it was under her name.. So either it was a mistake or he is covering his ass..

I told him that there are times that I wanted to give up...and he said nothing.. He also said that he has never had a problem with me having friends..and it broke his heart to tell me to choose..

So ya...I dunno.

[Rem]

*hugs* Pocket I'm so sorry to hear you're going through these difficulties. It's true though that the way he's behaving isn't right -- he should not be trying to control you or your friends. You need to take a good hard look at how he treats you, not just moment to moment but overall. If he is actively doing things to isolate you, keep you dependant upon him for your emotional security, that's not good. That's kind of a warning sign, y'know? You need to bring up these issues with him, perhaps in fact listing them off. Sometimes people are very obtuse and don't see their behavior, until you start listing things and then they're like 'oh..wow...I really do a LOT of negative things' Since it's easy to forget something when it's thought of as an isolated incident.

And he shouldn't have told you to choose, no matter what - whether it broke his heart or not. Unless your friend was constantly harassing him or acting untoward, but if all she did was defend you once, that is an overreaction.

And you can go to counseling by yourself - if he won't go, you still can. And he should not have a problem with it, if you're doing it to try to help/save your relationship. If he does, well.... that's really a problem.

just my two cents. I wish you all the luck, just know that you should never become dependant upon ONE person for your happiness and self-worth...if you need to just even spend time away from him outside of the house to find yourself again, do.

[Moonless Midnight]

Hmm... I'd have to totally agree with Rem on this. Depending on if they were just single incidents or if he constantly does this to you it could be a problem.

[Randomology]

My phone is gonna die, Pocket so I'll respond here. This will be my only response till tomorrow less u wanna text me, okay? You and I both know he's had that tendancy to say things just so you won't get upset with him. I'm not saying he's "lieing out of his ass", but I don't believe he's wholly telling you the facts here. I still stick with my guns that he's an adulterate and mentally abusive person based more on what he doesn't do than what he does do. I still say you deserve better and should get the divorce. Honestly though, I'm just advisory so obviously everything is your call. I'm not gonna take control of your situation or anything. Fizzy and I both love you, remember that. Wish you were in Texas, this would make this so much easier for me to talk to you, lol! Anyways, shoot me a text cause I won't see this, like I said, til tomorrow. Not much else to it. It's been 2 years. get the divorce.

[Yokuutsu]

You shouldn't have been going through his phone, but I can't blame you. But you can't control what your dreams are about either. Not saying that your suspicions are or aren't right. I'm just saying.

He has a double standard obviously. But neither has that friend come over and let you have it either, but you should pull it to his attention. The way I see it, you both need friends to vent to. Neither of you are going to be happy every single second of your marriage. You will piss each other off. And venting is better than getting that shot gun or a butcher knife and doing something more violent about it.

I don't have experience in marriage, but if you aren't happy, you need to do something. Whether that is divorce....or just talking it out...possibly going to a marriage counselor or whatever....that's up to you.