[Glitch]

A year ago I was diagnosed with HPV. I was ready to throw in the towel right then. But I went and had all of my tests done the conclusion they gave me, "I was fine."

Today I got a phone call telling me I still have it. I was hurt and destroyed and felt once again like all of my life plans of being a mother were gone. I sought out my boyfriend for comfort and he told me he'd get a surrogate to have a baby with - because he simply has to have a child with his genes. I'm sure this shouldn't have crushed me as bad as it did but my whole world just fell apart.

I don't know what to do, I don't know if I can even go home and face him. I love him to death - I just wanted him to say he'd be there for me and when I asked he comes back with, "I'll just get a surrogate."

It was just my one life dream to have a baby of my own and to adopt a little girl from China. And I feel like he doesn't even care that my life dream may possibly be gone. I know you can still have children after being diagnosed but it's a lot harder if I have to have the operation.

I feel like the rapture might just have happened after all. :(

[Desmond]

I'm so sorry, first of all, for what you're going through. Secondly, I'm over 18 and technically I have the biologically of a women. It's just the hard wiring that doesn't match.

Anyway. I know that really isn't much I can say to tell you how sorry I am for this news. However, I can tell you that you should really sit your boy down and tell him how you feel. It might be awkward, and hard, to do it's the best way to convey your feelings. Tell him that you understand his side, but, that's not what you wanted to hear right then and calmly explain yourself.

Also, think of other possibilities for having your own child. You can try surrogacy using both sets of genes.

Now, I have a question (which might seem a little silly, but, I have no knowledge of HPV) can you carry a baby to full term then have a C-Section? Or is that not an option?

I'm sorry I can't be more help and I hope things start looking up for you. <3

[Ashurato]

Is in-vitro impossible for you?

[Mizeria]

I can't possibly understand how hard this is for you darlin'

When I was younger I told myself I didn't want a family. That I didn't want to take the chance and turn into my mother, or hers before her. But now... Things are different. I'm in love and have been since I was 16. I want to grow old with this man. I want to buy a house and start a family. I want that happily ever after my mother stole from me when I was young. I've always been careful. I knew that I wasn't going to "save myself" because I honestly didn't think I would love someone as much as him and things lead to things. He was my first but not my only. We've been an on again off again sort. Because of things I'd rather not get into, but we're trying again to make it work... and this time I hope it lasts.

Back to the point; I want children, or at least a child.
A few of my friends already have that.
some married some not but their choices are their own.
I would be crushed if I couldn't have my own child. If there was a possibly of me not having one because of my body or of something I had I don't think I would be able to deal with it. And if the person I love with all my heart just told me he would find someone else to have the child with that would be it for me. I would lose my mind.
I would hope for more... compassion from my partner.
Words that would give me hope... or some plan to get through this together.
I'm not sure what your options are, but I'm sure you've looked them up before right?
We'll be here for you through it all honey.
Supporting you. Helping you. In anyway we can.

I know that things may seem hopeless but you can still adopt.... I know its not the same. But not all is lost. What are you options if I may ask?

[Glitch]

If you can manage to get pregnant after they cut the canceroustype cells out - then you can have the baby but they usually have to sew your cervix shut so it doesn't fall out is my understanding. But I also was told it was a lot harder to get there.

I'm trying to keep myself calm until next week when the doctor calls back with which option she thinks I should take - but it's hard. :<

[Mizeria]

I bet it is.
I hope for the best for you.

Is there anything that can be done to better your chances?
Honestly I know nothing about HPV so I'm sorry is the questions are... "stupid"

[Glitch]

I already had the garidisl (sp?) shots :(

i've tried to explain to my boy how I feel but he just doesn't get where i'm coming from.

[Mizeria]

Explain to him that it's like him not being able to have a baby because of something with him. That he didn't have enough sperm and there was a chance that would never change. How would he feel if you just said "Oh well I'll find a sperm donor because I'm gonna have a kid with my genes whether you can or not."

Men just don't understand sometimes what its like...
I wish there was a way that we could share our minds sometimes. So they could see things from our point of view...

[Serra Britt]

We talked about this already Winter so you know how I feel. It's a hard subject to convey and even someone in the same situation won't be feeling exactly the way you do. I can't have my own kids so I can sort of understand but... it's still different that how you feel.

I really hope you and your guy get through this. Even if you fight a little about it, as long as you keep talking I believe you'll be able to come to resolution that fits you both. And we here at Trisphee will be here if you need someone :3

[Fey]

I'm so sorry. I wish, and I don't mean to come off as unfeeling, but I might, that I could trade you and take your problems and give you my 'hardware' as I've no intentions to use it. Talk with your doctor, get a second opinion with a specialist, and look for a support group locally(they exist I'm sure) of other women who have dealt with this. You might find that the doctors, to cover their butts, make the odds out to be untenable, when in fact they aren't. You will never know until you try, and have faith that if it's meant to be it'll be.

As for you boy. Look him in the eyes and tell him that he's being insensitive. How would he feel if he came home with his Mr. Friendly no longer able to work and you blithefully tell him 'That's okay honey, I'll get a pool boy for that.' That's what he did, he told you that YOU didn't matter, that all he wanted was a THING. I, personally, would have kicked him to the curb and told him to go find someone else...but I'm a bit of a b#tch.

[Chi]

Something that I'm kind of curious about and you don't have to answer my question at all.
If you're sexually active with this boy, how does he know he doesn't have it? Or that he didn't give it to you?
I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings, that wasn't my intention at all and I'm sincerely sorry if that offended you.

The virus has a high percentage of being gone in 1 to 2 years. The article I'm looking at says 70% for 1 year and 90% for 2 years. I really hope that this clears up for you and that you don't get into the cancerous side of HPV. I'm really hoping for you.

As for your man saying that stuff, verbally smack him. x_x I would suggest like the other members have said here. To try and put him in your shoes. Say to him, "What if you had a disease or a virus that kept you from having children. You came to me for support and my response to you was, 'I need to have my genes in a child. I'll just get a sperm donor.' How would you feel? Would you feel hurt? Would you feel like I didn't care?" If he answers yes, tell him that's how you feel when he said that he would just get a surrogate.
I do that to my boyfriend when he hurts my feelings. I just put him in my shoes and say, "How do you like it?" xD;

Also, when your doctor calls back, maybe you'll get lucky enough to just have a few eggs frozen and the surrogate could hold both? The passing of this virus from mother to child is rare but the complications you could face are serious. I hope everything works out in your favor some way, some how. <3

[Glitch]

Oh I'm sure he does have it. But it's not grasping him in the same way, since I don't think it sounds as serious for guys?

[Chi]

That may be true but I think if he has it, it's still serious.
He could pass it on just as much as you could.
Not to mention in some cases HPV can lead to cancer in both females and males.
He's at less of a 'risk' because only women give birth but he could pass it on just like you could.
Not through sperm but through touch or from semen , I don't think you can spread the virus through an egg though. The cases of a baby getting HPV from the mother are rare and I'm assuming that's because of contact.
Looking at some information on the web, some mothers have had children even HPV and their children were fine.
I guess it depends on the case really.

You really need to get your man to understand where you're coming from, be a little drastic if you have to.
If this man is worth it to you, keep trying to convey your thoughts and feelings.
He may not truly understand where your coming from and he may not be right for you.
Either way, I hope that he begins to understand how it feels and that you guys can get passed this and get a surrogate with your egg and his sperm or adoption.
That is if you really can't have children because of this.
And Fey may be right. The doctors may just be trying to cover their butts or they may be looking for your safety.
I really hope that there is something that you can do to still be able to have children of your own.
If you have to adopt it won't be so bad considering the amount of children that need homes right now.

I hope at least some of that was helpful.
And I hope that everything gets better for you.

[Nanka]

From what I'm reading about HPV, it isn't that bad of an STI and it is the most common STI people get and usually never know they have it.

I have a question, though. Is it a low-risk HPV or high-risk HPV? Low risk HPV is easily treatable and is perfectly okay to have during a pregnancy if the warts have gone away. Now, if you have high-risk HPV, that can cause cervix cancer. It usually shows up and goes away on its own, but as I said that it depends if it is low or high risk.

[MissiePanda]

I am so sorry to hear this... I have a few issues too that might stop me from achieving my dream of having a baby of my own too (VVS, also epilepsy meds hinder it) and just THINKING about it makes me want to fall apart. You should talk to him about how you feel and that you were hurt by that. He should be sticking by your side and doing things to HELP YOU through this, and help you achieve your dream.

Don't give up. Hopefully they will have options that will still allow you to follow your dream...

I'll wish the best for you. ♥

[Serra Britt]

Aww Winter, I hope things have been working out :x MissiePanda is right though...don't give up :3