[SparX]

It is I!
SparX, the Sad Clown D:
It has been ages since I heard a good pun or innuendo,
Or even a terrible dad joke D:

So let us tell jokes!
For every joke that can genuinely make me laugh off-screen I will award you 5 tickets!

Note: with exception, some memes may be applicable.

[Death by Mirrors]

Well then, let me raise my glass to an amazing language!

Spanish.
Why, you wonder? Well...

[SparX]

That is ugh
that is a lot of assholes XD
-raises glass- to the spanish language

[Death by Mirrors]

Thanks XD
I may be back later with more stuff, but now I'm off to the supermarket.

[SparX]

That is fine and dandy XD
I got a little less then an hour before work myself =P

[Rainbowfox Ari]

-Stretches out-

Okay, mine's bad - but here it is.

Son: Okay! I finished mowing the lawn!
Father: Alright, here's ten dollars.
Son: What? But I mowed the entire thing, and you told me I was being paid five dollars a foot!
Father: So I did.
Son: Then what gives?
Father: How many feet did you use?
Son: ...
Father: Two feet. Thus, ten dollars.
Son: ... -Takes ten dollars and leaves-

----------------------------------------------
Another one in the same vein:

Daughter: Dad! I can't figure this problem out.
Dad: What does it say?
Daughter: It says 'Suzie wants to start up a mowing business. She wants to charge two dollars per foot. Her neighbor's lawn is ten feet, by ten feet. How much should Suzie charge to mow her neighbor's lawn?'
Dad: That's easy. She should charge six dollars.
Daughter: Why?
Dad: Because it's one yard.
Daughter: ...

[SparX]

math and dad jokes at the same time D:
HOW TERRIBLE
I laughed more at the first one then the second though XD

[Death by Mirrors]

How about chemistry jokes then?

I'm afraid however I can only tell terrible chemistry jokes, because all the good ones Argon...

[Illusion]

Needs more dad jokes.

[Death by Mirrors]

I don't know many dad jokes, but want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearable.

Do you want to hear a joke about sodium?
Na.

Maybe a joke about nitric oxide then?
NO!

How about a joke about potassium?
K.

[Illusion]

pffttt. Good one.

[Kaderin Triste]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says "AU, get outta here!"

And and a sort of joke/rhyme I've always loved:
Johnny was a chemist.
Johnny is no more.
Because what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

[Death by Mirrors]

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O please." The second one says, "Sounds good. I'd like some H2O, too." Both raise their glass to each other, and after drinking the second one dies.

...but wait - there's more.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O please."
The second one says, "I'll have a glass of water, too. Why did you say H2O? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work."
The first chemist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

[Espy]

It's a good thing I'm not the one running this thread, because I rarely ever laugh :|

[SparX]

a few of those chemist ones made me roll my eyes waay to hard >.>;

[Kaderin Triste]

This one might not be as funny online as it is in person but...

Q: How does every racist joke start?
A: <.<
>.>