Sorry. I...part of me just wants to give up. When your anxieties and all time and again screw up things you love, and nothing you do can fix it, and even when things start out okay, your 144 IQ brain says "nope, you get to focus on worry, death imagery, and the idea that you are a useless piece of shit that should run off to die for a few weeks rather tHan have a good time with classes."
It's not something I can control, and SSRI stuff only makes the anxiety worse.
...sorry, seeing this at a point where I want to cry...