[littl3chocobo]

oh! well~ um XD and see this is why until yesterday i was mute here, haha, i am an avid and well read person but i am poor at giving advice


um, well let's start with the fourth since it is nearly done, aside from the punctuation aspect of it the only thing that really needs work is a little ordering and some clarification, i will take it in parts where i feel a sentence break ought to be



his eyes, from cold to warm, they change his soul with them,
somewhere here you ought to put why there is a change, either from seeing you or over time it should be known or at least hinted at that something has cause it


i fear him no more, i welcome his love, and hate his distance,
this part needs something removed, either the first part or the third. if you take off the first it is darker since you are saying 'despite my love for him i hate his distance' if it is the latter then you are saying 'i do not fear him anymore, in fact i wish to be loved by him' one is a lighter mood the other darker, i recommend removing the 'and hate his distance' since it seems at odds with the rest of the para so far which is happy and upbeat


life is great when he holds me, okay when he cant, the boy i speak of has my heart,
this one is the one line i have actual issue with. i cannot actually make the decision for you but i do recommend a tweaking so that it is 'life is great when he holds me and even when he cant it is ok, because the boy i speak of has my heart.'


as he tries to find feelings long left behind, i wait for the day he can give me his heart again,
are we saying that something has happened to the boy and he is damaged in a way that disallows him from loving or are you saying something happened between the two of you and now he does not?

i missed his hugs, kisses, and humor, it is great to be near him again, my life is a happy one with him in it.
this line is affected by the other one so it is a little stickier. why do you miss those hugs and kisses when before you were afraid of him? has time passed since the declaration of the boy having your heart or is it something you liked from when you did not like him? if so then are you /were/ happy when he was in it or you /are/ happy now that things are improved from before when his affections were unwanted?



ok, i hope that helps, i am sure sheul cold have done better though XD after this though i might have you help me with a poem my friend loaned me to put up and have critiqued