[littl3chocobo]

i have to agree with galla, just because you are writing for kids does /not/ mean you have to write at a seventh-grade level. if your story is stilted and rough then it makes for a bad story no matter how 'polished' it is supposed to be. i couldn't get more than a couple sentences in before i had to stop. sweetie needs to make a little more effort in upping herself to a more refined level of writing even if she keeps the plot and vocab where they are

*blushes* i feel so weird for having written that. this is a forum i usually only lurk in


edit; also, who the hell are these chars? it feels like we stepped into the middle of the story not the beginning, try to introduce them with a word or three the first time they pop up