[Spirit of the Party]

It is a poem, but it's also mine, and it carries a message from my heart.
That being said, you have great insight into this.
The problem I feel that I'm faced with, however, is that I don't want to punch my way over humanity toget what I want. People punch back. Freedom just doesn't work that way. I'm not worried about being mimiced but those words hurt. I don't know how to change that within me becuase to some degree I require companionship in some way shape or form. If I were alone, I could make up something from my own imagination, but that's not the case in society or even in my own household. People barge in and shatter the illusion and then call me an idiot for trying to occupy myself in such a way. And perhaps I am making an assumption-

((and I just realized how disorganized I'm being. sorry about that))

but that is that at least some people think that way, and that my chips go to meeting at least that one person before bilding up both my confidence and my friendship with those who aren't them so that I'm ready. I tried this, and now I'm half broken and ready to give up on living. It's just not worth the pain anymore, the way I'm seeing it.

I mean what's probably likely is that I'm not "living" per se, and I should start doing that...fuck feelings sometimes.