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Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #33  
Thank you, my dear, its one of my favorites as well.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-26-2012, 04:20 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34   Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Here are a few other pieces.



Simply Put

This is not a poem.





The Free





This is a just a collection of brooding thoughts. The first is poetry, the rest is just dribble that came from the same place.

Waste


Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-26-2012, 08:24 PM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #35  
I think Simply Put is strong, but it almost feels like it's not reaching it's potential. Don't get me wrong, I like it as is, but I think it could be even better. Pretty evocative, though.

The Free I think is my favorite poem of yours so far. Pacing, rhyming, content, everything just works.

And Waste takes a while to get going, but the mood becomes almost all-encompassing by the end. The fragmented nature near the end only adds to the effect, I feel.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 01-26-2012, 08:39 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #36   Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Thank you. I appreciate the compliments. I think simply put just needs stronger imagery about halfway through the beginning.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-26-2012, 08:54 PM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #37  
Short Story

And I Dropped


Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-27-2012, 12:36 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #38   Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
That was rather interesting. The whole fight scene reminds me a bit of the end of V for Vendetta when he takes on all those guys and gets shot.

The twist at the end was effective, however, I think the way the first part is written actually detracts from it. If you could somehow find a way to tell it so it seems more dissociated, making the "I came back to my mind" part even more of stand-out line. I don't know, though... I'm not entirely sure, maybe it's good the way it is.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 01-27-2012, 12:57 AM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #39  
I agree with you. He recalls the details a little strongly for being maddeningly out of his mind.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-31-2012, 01:49 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #40   Quiet Man Cometh Quiet Man Cometh is offline
We're all mad here.
Hey Arsis. Had a look at your first three poems, not sure what to make of them myself but that's nothing unusual for me when I see poems that seems to have that sort of stream of consciousness style (not sure what else I would call it but that is what it feels like when I read it).

I find myself paying more attention to the diction of your poetry, rather than what it might actually be saying. That migth be because it does seem to shift a little on occasion, going from some simplistic statements to what feels like a more 'poetic' syntax.

My favourite of the three is also "Blood Red Sky," for the internal shift from 'sun' to 'son.'
Old Posted 01-31-2012, 02:12 AM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #41  
Thank you. That poem was originally just going to be expression, the shift was added not after I wrote it, but really following the image. Thank you, I thought it was clever. I've written a few poems today based on inspirations that have taken place in my virtual existence. Some fairly epic warfare is occurring throughout my online universe, not of all of it is necessarily a game. Mind you, all of these that I've written today were written less than an hour ago, so be nice to them. The third one was written with extreme scrutiny. I like it the most.

Kraken

(about the online piracy debacle and the ACTA trying to be passed)





The Star's

(about a politically incited war in a video game that occurred today that involved several hundred million ships and at least 300 players)




Scythe

(inspired by Suze's writings and from my own fascination with the characteristics of angels)





My Hell

(this is an old poem I wrote in Sudan that I spent a great deal of time over. Much of the imagery is metaphorical, it's a favorite of mine simply for it's sentimental value, not necessarily it's writing. It is here, if for no other reason, than that)

Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-31-2012, 02:47 AM Reply With Quote  
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